Always
by myjoyfulx3heart
Summary: Even after thirteen years she still remembers everything, and everything just feels right. Bensidy ship. Rated for content & language
1. After All This Time

**A/N: A couple things. First and foremost, a big thank you to Liv Cassidy. She is my beta on this story, and she's rather awesome! Second, this chapter is set at the beginning of the season 14 opener (Lost Reputation/Above Suspicion), though I did change the timeline from what the show presented, because it just didn't make sense to me, and well, this timeline fits where I want this story to go! :)**

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She still remembered the first time they slept together. She remembered every kiss, every touch. She remembered the way he smelled. But the one thing that was probably the most prevalent was the way she treated him after. She remembered when he left the unit, she felt so guilty when she saw him clean out his locker. All he was trying to do was show her what love was. It was more than sex; it was more than the occasional date when she had time. It took her more than a decade to figure that out.

As much as Olivia Benson wanted to blame everyone else for the way she treated Brian Cassidy after their one night stand, thirteen years later, she knew she couldn't; it wouldn't be right. She was an adult, and even though she was never in a loving, healthy relationship before, didn't mean that she had to fall into that same pattern. She dealt with unhealthy relationships every day, and it seemed as though she was taking everything she saw and projecting it onto her relationships. She realized this now, and Brian just happened to walk back into her life. She hadn't seen him in more than ten years, but she still got the same butterflies in her stomach that she did all those years ago, and now she was finally in a place where she could act on it, and see where it would go.

Once the case had come to a close for the night, Brian approached her and asked her if she wanted to go grab a beer and catch up. Olivia smiled and nodded, her head tilting to the side a bit and bit her lower lip.

"I'd like that a lot." She said with a nod. Her smile grew and looked at him. "I'll go grab my things. I'll be right back."

Olivia got her things and they shared a cab to the bar. Once they arrived they sat down and ordered their drinks. Brian looked at her and smiled, shaking his head. "You look amazing," he said gently. "I think you look more beautiful than you did thirteen years ago," he smiled, taking a swig of his beer.

She smiled and blushed. "Thank you," she smiled back. "I think it's because I finally figured out how to take care of myself. I didn't know how to for a long time. The job isn't any easier, but I think I finally found some balance." She nodded.

Brian also nodded. "It could be that, or it could be that you've just gotten more beautiful, and you embraced your body. I remember the suits you used to wear, they were so boxy," he said gently. "I like the style now."

She smiled and looked at him, resting her head on her hand. "You haven't changed a bit have you?" she asked with a smirk. "You still know how to charm the pants off women, don't you?" She chuckled.

Brian shrugged. "I try," he said with a smirk.

They talked for a little while about what had happened over the past thirteen years, a little about the case then Olivia took the last sip of her last beer and she looked at Brian. "So, how about we call it a night?" she asked with a smile.

Brian finished his beer and smiled at her. "Sounds good to me," he replied, smiling. He threw a twenty on the counter, which covered both of their drinks for the night; and they both stood up and walked out. Brian's hand "accidentally" bumped hers a few times and she smiled and glanced over at him.

They shared a cab back to Olivia's apartment and she smiled, opening the door and heading toward the corner cabinet to grab the bourbon off the top shelf. She turned around and saw Brian. She put the bottle on the counter. Brian grinned and pushed her against the counter and captured her lips with his. She inhaled; her hands on the edge of the counter moved to his shoulders and rested on his chest as she returned his kiss. This felt natural. This felt familiar. This felt right. Like everyone else in her life had been pointing her to Brian, and thirteen years ago, she just couldn't see it.

He broke the kiss and rested his forehead against hers. There was a smile on both of their faces. Olivia's hands rested on his chest and she looked into his eyes. "Is it me or did that feel…"

Brian cut her off, and finished her sentence. "Perfect?"

Olivia smiled and nodded. "Perfect," she whispered and kissed him again, wrapping her arms around his neck. He wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her closer to him. She smiled into the kiss and broke it gently. "I think the night cap can wait. I'm not ready for the night to end just yet." She smirked and winked. She took his hand and led him into her bedroom.

Brian kicked her door shut with his foot and kissed her again, running his hands down her back and up under her shirt. She gasped and flinched. Brian quickly pulled away and looked in her eyes. "You okay?" he asked softly, tucking a piece of hair behind her ear.

She smiled and nodded. "Your hands are cold, that's all." Her lips found his again and her hands went to work on the buttons on his shirt, sliding it off his shoulders once it was open.

Brian ran his hands up under her blouse again, taking her shirt with it this time. He smirked, feeling her skin as he ran his hands over her body. She let out a soft moan into the kiss as she moved her hands down to the waistband of his jeans and pulled him closer, unbuttoning them. He did the same with her pants and slid them over her hips. He pulled away and looked over her body. She bit her bottom lip and looked down at the floor, blushing a bit.

He lifted her chin and looked into her eyes. "You have gotten even more beautiful over the last thirteen years." He whispered and ran his hands over the curves of her body. She smiled and closed her eyes feeling her touch. She bit her bottom lip and ran her hands over his body and she smiled.

"So have you," she whispered. "Well, sexier… not more beautiful. You know what I mean." She smirked and walked the few steps to her bed, kneeling and giving him a 'come hither' look. She smirked as he rushed over. She threw her arms around him and kissed him, feeling his hands work at her bra clasp, and feeling the straps slipping off her shoulders. She felt him remove her panties next and she broke the kiss and looked in his eyes, then turned the ringer on her phone off and smirked at him. "We're not having a repeat of last time," she whispered as she slid his boxers off his hips.

Brian laid her down on the bed. She reached into her night stand drawer and pulled out a condom and opened the package with her teeth and reached between them and rolled it onto him. She looked up into his eyes and smiled. He gently caressed her face and kissed her collar bone. He looked into her eyes as he pushed into her. She arched her back and gasped grabbing onto his shoulders. "Oh, Bry!" she moaned and smiled then whispered, "God, this feels even better than last time." He hadn't even started moving yet, but feeling him inside her again just felt so right.

He smirked and kissed her softly. "We're also nowhere near as loaded as we were last time," he said as he started to move, slow, meaningful, and powerful. He wanted this time to be different. He wanted her to know that this wasn't just fucking like it was the last time, this was something deeper, and that's what he wanted.

They wound up at a slow pace, their thrusts in perfect rhythm with each other. Their bodies in sync, finishing together; Brian smiled and kissed her, running his hand over her side. He took the condom off and threw it away, and lied down next to Olivia. She rested her head on his chest, intertwining their legs. She wrapped them in the sheets and looked up at him. "That was incredible," she whispered, winking at him.

He smirked. "More than incredible," he said softly, gently stroking her hair, he kissed the top of her head.

Olivia smiled and nuzzled into him, settling in. She kissed his chest and looked up at him. "See you in the morning." She whispered to him, making sure he knew that she wasn't going anywhere that night. This wasn't going to be a "wham, bam, thank you ma'am" like last time. This was going to be something more. She just hoped she had the chance to make things right from all those years ago, and to see where things went.

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**A/N: Thanks for reading! Feel free to review, here or on Twitter SVUConnoisseur! Next chapter to come soon!**


	2. New Beginnings

**A/N: Another big thanks to my beta, Liv Cassidy! Enjoy!**

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Olivia grasped onto his hand, stroking his hair. "Stay with me Cassidy. We're almost there, stay with me." And then she heard it, a long single beep. He was flat lining, and she felt her heart being ripped from her chest. An EMT rushed to the stretcher and she felt tears stinging her eyes. "Do something!" she begged. She was covered in his blood but she didn't care, she just wanted him, no needed him, to live.

They arrived at the ER and the entire squad was waiting there, asking questions. She gave them all the details she had, and then their fill-in captain said she needed to talk to IAB, her voice shook as she spoke, "Not until I find out how he's doing."

They stood inside in a circle, and all she could think about was that night they shared together thirteen years ago. She talked about it with Fin and Munch, telling them how she felt, "I didn't handle it well."

"Don't worry, he probably doesn't hold it against you," Fin assured her.

"No, he probably does," Munch joked. Olivia just looked at him. His sense of humor was not helping at the moment, and just then the Captain walked over. He updated them on Brian's condition. He wasn't hit in the heart, but of course, the doctors wouldn't promise that he would make it out alive.

Over the next 12 hours she'd spoken to IAB and Rollins and Amaro talked to the cop who shot Cassidy. She and Rollins talked to Paula Foster, the ADA in the Public Integrity Unit. She got a call when Cassidy was out of the woods, and as soon as she heard "go" she left, wanting to get to the hospital as quickly as possible. She walked into Brian's room with flowers, seeing that he had a ton of them, in his private room. Bart Ganzel paid for all of them, after he put a hit out on Brian. Damn asshole.

She told Brian what she knew and sat down, seeing him wince. She told him that he should have told Foster, caressing his face. "And then what, I go back to investigating dry cleaner break ins? I'm like you Liv. This job is all I have."

This was her chance, to make it right. She tilted her head and rested her hand on his, a smile on her face as she spoke. "I'm not who I used to be."

"Sure you are," Brian said, not really wanting to be hurt again.

She shook her head and whispered, "No, I'm not." She leaned in and kissed him, she held it for a moment and then she pulled back with a smile. He said something about Florence Nightingale, and she smirked. "Something about a man in the hospital bed," she chuckled to herself and kissed him again, holding it longer this time.

He started to run his hands over her face and over her shoulder and she pulled back and looked into his eyes. "Oh no you don't, you're out of commission for a while." She smirked and kissed him.

He groaned. "No fair!"

She smiled and kissed his forehead, "You were just shot twice and just came out of surgery not even a day ago. Moving hurts. You moved a millimeter and you flinched. I'm not going to be the one who causes you any more pain than I already have," she whispered, picking at a loose thread on his hospital blanket.

He reached out and touched her face, making her look at him as he asked, "What are you talking about?"

She rolled her eyes and shook her head. "Please don't play dumb," she whispered, closing her eyes, feeling the stinging of the tears in her eyes.

Brian looked at her and then moved over a little more, wincing a little. He patted the piece of bed next to him and smiled gently, "Come here, lay down," he said.

She did, resting her head on the pillow next to his. "I was stupid, back then, I couldn't see it," She whispered tears starting to fall down her face.

He looked at her and wiped a tear from her face. "Hey, I get that now. At the time it sucked, but when I thought about it, I realized that if it were meant to be, it would happen eventually. And look at us now, here we are, where I would have wanted us to be thirteen years ago. Though, ideally not in a hospital room… You know, we have Ganzel to thank for this. Without him, we may not have crossed paths again, and you wouldn't be in here right now, giving me kisses because I just got shot," he winked.

She looked at him. "Well, that's not the only reason."

He smiled. "I'd love it if we could see where this goes, Liv. I still think about you all the time, and where we could have been. So why not see where we can go?"

She blushed and smiled. "After all this time, after everything I did, and said, you still want to be with me?"

He smiled and caressed her face softly and kissed her, "Olivia Benson, I have wanted to be with you from the first minute I laid eyes on you, and I will always want to be with you. You're beautiful inside and out, and any man who is with you, even for a moment, is the luckiest man in the world. I'd like to be that man… well, you know… again."

Olivia smiled and rested her head softly on his shoulder, as not to hurt him. She took his hand in her own and smiled, "Ok," she said in a gentle voice.

"What?" asked Brian.

"Ok, I want to be the luckiest girl in the world, and date the luckiest guy in the world," she smiled up at him.

He smiled back and squeezed her hand. He leaned down and kissed her. She rested her hand on his cheek, gently nipping on his bottom lip as she pulled away softly. "You're still recovering," she whispered and smiled. "But I'm going to be your own personal Florence Nightingale and take care of you, whenever I can."

He smiled and kissed her forehead, "You're incredible."

She smiled and closed her eyes, lying on her side, draping her arm over his chest. "You need your rest. Get some sleep," she said gently.

"Meanie, kiss me and get me all worked up then fall asleep on me," he pouted.

She smiled, her eyes still closed. "The more you sleep, the faster you'll heal and the faster we can get back to… what you want to do," she giggled silently.

"Goodnight," he said quickly, she started laughing, knowing that was what it would take to get him to rest. He wasn't a pig, he wasn't a bad guy, but he was a man. A very attractive man, and she knew how he thought.

She kept her eyes closed, taking a deep breath, and drifting off to sleep, her arm draped around him, her head next to his on the pillow.

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**A/N: Thanks for reading! Please review, here or on Twitter SVUConnoisseur. Next stop... Bermuda!**


	3. Two Tickets to Paradise, Part 1

**A/N: Hello all! Sorry this chapter took me so long to update. Unfortunately, life gets in the way of creativity sometimes, but the important thing is... UPDATE! Yay! Another big thank you to my beta, Liv Cassidy! Thanks to her, the awkwardness my writing sometimes has (at least, in my opinion), was squashed! So now here it is... Chapter 3!**

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Olivia smiled and took a sip of her eggnog. She was in the morgue, at a party, drinking spiked eggnog, and eating hors d'oeuvres. The thought of how morbid this was did cross her mind, but the eggnog was working. She was beginning not to care. She was having a little girl talk with Melinda, their Medical Examiner. The doctor asked her if she was working tomorrow. She smiled and looked at her. "Well, we drew the short straw, but come Christmas Eve, I am off to the Bahamas."

Melinda smirked, "Good for you! With whom?"

Olivia went to answer and stopped herself, "A friend…" The friends shared a chuckle.

"Taking the fifth?"

Olivia nodded and took another sip of her eggnog.

The days felt like months. She wanted to be basking in the sun with Brian, kissing on the sand, playing in the clear blue water, getting a tan. She wanted to spend the entire week with him, 24/7, and that's what she would get to do. But right now, she had a case to worry about. Every free moment she was home, packing bathing suits, maxi dresses, sandals, toiletries. The night before she left, she was up, making sure she had everything; her ticket, her passport, her bags, her sun glasses. She brought it all with her to work.

As it got closer to the time she was supposed to be leaving, she had a feeling that she'd be stuck with this case longer than she'd hoped. She'd miss the plane and she wouldn't get her week in paradise like she'd hoped. That's what would have happened before. But Nick knew she needed a vacation, he knew she needed to be at the airport, and he told her to go. She thanked him up one side and back down the other, telling him she owed him one. She rushed to get her things, and to the airport. She burst through the door, seeing Brian standing there waiting for her. She smiled and ran to him, wrapping her arms around him. He smiled, "I thought you were going to stand me up."

She smiled. "Never," she whispered. She kissed him passionately, her foot popping. She smiled, breaking the kiss slightly, speaking against his lips. "I missed you." She went back to kissing him, as if he was her means of life support.

He chuckled, kissing her back, wrapping an arm around her waist, pulling her closer. He smirked against her lips as she let out a small squeal. He broke the kiss and rested his head on hers. "I missed you more," he smirked and winked. "Come on. Let's check in so we can get to paradise." He smiled and wrapped an arm around her, walking up to the check-out counter, both of them rolling their luggage behind them.

They got through security, customs, and they were finally boarding the plane, walking hand in hand to the aisle, Olivia then leading them to their seats. She took the window and he sat next to her. She smiled up at him. "In just a few hours we're going to be in paradise… for a whole week… with no interruptions," she said, leaning in for a kiss, when her phone rang. She groaned. "Never fails."

She answered it in her usual manner, "Benson," she listened and she nodded. "But you got him?" She let out a breath. "Thanks for the update Nick. See you next year," she said and then hung up and she took Brian's hand that was resting on the arm rest. She smiled at him, "Now, where were we?" She leaned in and kissed him, resting her hand on his cheek, letting out a small, contented sigh. She broke the kiss and rested her head on his shoulder. "This week is going to be incredible." She said out loud, to herself.

He kissed the top of her head, smiling. "No matter the length of time, it's always incredible with you."

Olivia smiled and nuzzled into him. "I'm glad I'm not the only one who feels like that," she looked up at him. "I'm glad we're here, at this place in our relationship. It's comfortable, but it's scary. I've never felt like this, with anyone, about anyone."

Brian looked at her, "Not even Elliot?"

She took a deep breath and lifted her head. She shook her head no, "I loved him, but it never felt this way, it was never this deep. This feeling I have for you, Bry, it's in every fiber of my being. Not to mention how badly he hurt me, and you never have, you're the only one who never has."

"And never will," he whispered, taking her hand, and kissing it. "At least, not intentionally."

She smiled and kissed his lips gently, their lips just barely touching. It was soft, slow, loving. It wasn't like anything either of them had ever felt before. They didn't need to tell each other, because everything was there, in that one kiss. Then they heard the voice of the flight attendant, telling them to fasten their seat belts for take-off. Olivia groaned and rested her head on his shoulder again. "We can't win, can we?" They both fastened their seat belts. "I'm glad it's going to be dark when we get there," she spoke, matter-of-factly.

He smirked and asked, "Any particular reason?"

A devious grin graced her face, "I don't know that I'll be able to keep my hands off you."

Brian smirked and shook his head. "You, my dear, are too much."

She giggled and looked up at him and kissed him. "Hmmm. Now, no more until we get there. I don't want to be arrested for indecent exposure." She winked.

The hours dragged on. They both tried to sleep, but they were far too riled up to sleep. As soon as they touched down they were rushed off the plane, got their bags and hopped in a cab to the hotel. They needed to get there before their self-control wore too thin and they ravished each other in the streets.

They arrived at the hotel, checked in and got to their room as soon as possible. As soon as the door was closed Brian pushed Olivia up against it, capturing her lips in his with one, smooth and swift motion. He looped his finger into one of her belt loops, and pulled her hips close to his. Her hands were in his hair, gently gripping it, pulling her body as close to his as possible. They needed each other. It was as if they each needed the other's body to survive. In that moment, the two of them were the only ones in the entire universe. They were the only two that mattered.

He wrapped his arms around her waist, his hands on her ass and he picked her up and carried her to the bed. He put her on the bed, pushing her back, climbing on top of her. He broke the kiss and looked down at her. "God, you're so beautiful."

She smiled and looked up at him. Her breathing was heavy, her chest heaving. She rested a hand on his cheek and smiled. "Make love to me, Bry," she whispered, her eyes showing everything she was feeling. Everything she wanted.

"All I've ever wanted to do, Liv," he smiled and brushed a piece of hair out of her face, caressing her cheek. He leaned in and kissed her passionately, softly, then kissed her jaw, behind her ear, and finally her neck.

She closed her eyes and smiled, letting out a soft "Mmmm," loving the feeling of his lips on her skin. She bit her bottom lip and rested her hand on the back of his head, gently scratching at the nape of his neck, his lips, teeth, and tongue driving her wild.

Brian's hands were all over her body, wanting to touch every inch of her body. He heard her moans and he smiled, kissing up to her lips, speaking softly. "I love being the one to make you moan. I love hearing you." He whispered and felt her hands running over his shoulders and back.

She looked up at him and smiled. She gently ran her hands over his shoulders then around to his chest, unbuttoning his shirt, running her hands over his chest. She looked up at him and kissed him. She broke the kiss and whispered against his lips. "Touch me."

He smirked and ran his hands under her shirt, helping her sit up and he slipped her shirt over her head. "Much better," he spoke huskily. He kissed her neck and down her chest, his hands running over her torso. "So beautiful," he whispered. He unbuttoned her pants, sliding them over her hips and taking them off, leaving her in only her matching black lace bra and panties. He ran his hands over her entire body.

Olivia smiled and moaned, feeling his hands on her skin. She smiled and sat up, pushing his shirt off his shoulders, kissing his lips, then his neck, and down to his chest, gently touching the scars from the shooting earlier in the year. She looked up at him and then kissed them. She smiled and after a few maneuvers, she pushed him down on the bed and got on top of him, kissing down his chest and slid his jeans off. She smiled and gently kissed the scar on his inner thigh. She moved back up to his lips and smiled. "I want you." She whispered and kissed him, feeling him roll them over, getting back on top of her.

He smiled and gently caressed her face. "I want you, too." He kissed her and gently pushed her panties down, taking them off, running a hand up her torso, and underneath her, unhooking her bra, sliding the straps down her arms and took it off. "Dear God," he whispered, "Every time I see you naked… You are so beautiful." He kissed her passionately, running his hand back down between her legs, feeling just how wet she was. "God, Liv."

She looked into his eyes and bit her bottom lip. "Only for you," she smiled and ran her hands down to his waist, gently sliding his boxers over his hips, using her feet to help her get them all the way off. She wrapped her arms around him and she smiled. "Now… I want to make love to you until the sun comes up."

He smiled and kissed her, getting up quickly to get a condom, putting it on, and then rushing back to her. "You got it, baby," he whispered. He gently caressed her face, looking deep into her eyes as he pushed into her. She closed her eyes and then opened them again, looking into his eyes as she let out a breath. "Bry!"

He seethed and started moving inside her, hearing her moans getting louder. "Oh, Liv," he moaned, moving with her. They were in perfect rhythm with each other, knowing each other's next move. Their kisses were passionate, only broken when one of them would let out a loud moan.

Their love making session went on all night, and into the early hours of the morning. They finally finished as the sun rose. Brian rolled off Olivia, lying next to her as she rolled on her side resting her head on his chest. She smiled and closed her eyes. "Mmm." She kissed his chest and looked up at him. They were both covered in sweat and out of breath. She kissed his lips and smiled. "That… was incredible."

He smiled and looked into her eyes. "It always is with you." He kissed her forehead and smirked. "Now, do you want to get some shut eye, or should we shower and go lounge on the beach?"

Olivia thought. "Hmm. I say we go lounge on the beach. We can get a couple mojitos, lounge in the sun, and if we happen to get too sleepy, we can hop under an umbrella and take a snooze."

Brian smiled, "Sounds like a plan, baby. I say we shower first."

Olivia smiled. "Mmm. I agree. Come on," she winked. "You want to help me pick out a bathing suit?"

Brian got up and smirked. "You know it, baby."

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**A/N: Hope you enjoyed! Please review, here or on Twitter SVUConnoisseur! Part 2 of "Paradise" coming up next! xox**


	4. Two Tickets to Paradise, Part 2

**A/N: I'm really excited for this chapter, it's a lot of Bensidy Sexy Time, and a little fluff thrown in for good measure! Thanks again to my freaking amazing Beta, Liv Cassidy! **

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They were in the ocean together, kissing and playing. The water was so crystal clear, you really could see all the way to the bottom. Not like the water on the Jersey shore, where she went for a day to just get away. She had her arms around him, giggling before kissing him passionately. She rested her hands on his chest and she smiled, breaking the kiss. "It's so beautiful out here."

He kissed her again quickly, "Not nearly as beautiful as you in that bikini, or in anything, and in nothing for that matter."

She gasped and playfully swatted his chest. "You naughty boy," she bit her bottom lip.

He smirked and splashed her. "Yeah, what are you going to do about it?"

She smirked and looked at him. "Brian Cassidy, is that a challenge?"

He picked her up and gave her ass a tap. "You bet, baby," he said, a twinkle in his eye.

She smiled and looked down at him, leaning down and kissing him again feeling him lower her into the water. She broke the kiss and smirked. "Well, what I'm going to do will probably get us arrested, and no matter how much I want to… punish you… for being naughty, it's not worth spending time in a jail in the Bahamas."

Brian smirked. "Hm, maybe I should just keep us out here a little longer," he said, playing with one of the ties on her bikini top.

She gasped and looked at him. "You wouldn't."

He raised an eyebrow, "Wouldn't I?"

She copied his expressions, only she crossed her arms. "No, you wouldn't, because you wouldn't want anyone else staring at my half naked body but you." A sly smile came across her face and he moved his hand. She smirked and kissed him passionately, pulling away and running ashore, hearing him follow her. She put her hand out when she got back on the sand and smiled. "Come on." She smiled and they held hands as they walked back to their spot on the beach, cleaned up, and started walking back to the hotel. Olivia didn't bother putting her cover up back on. She knew that she looked good in a bikini, regardless of her age, and she was proud to walk around in her pink bikini, on the arm of a man who put the likes of Steven Segal to shame.

Once they returned to the hotel room, they put their things down and kicked their shoes off. She kissed him gently, leading him into the bathroom for a shower. She turned the water on, making sure it wasn't freezing, but that it was cool, so their tans didn't turn into sunburns. With the two of them in the shower at once, who needed hot water? She smirked and looked at him. "Still want to take my top off?" she asked, biting her bottom lip.

He moaned and ran his hands over her body. "I want you out of the whole thing," he whispered. He kissed her and untied the strings of her bottoms, letting them fall to the tile. His lips moved to her neck, one hand moving to the back of her neck and untying her top. Then his hands moved to her mid back, undoing the last bow on her swim suit, hearing the top drop to the floor.

She smiled and gasped as his lips went to work on her neck. Her fingers ran through his hair as his unrelenting lips drove her wild. "Mmm." Her eyes closed and her head fell to the side, assuring that he had proper access to her neck, allowing her to get more pleasure. Her hands moved down his chest to his swim trunks, pushing them off his hips. She pulled him off her neck and looked into his eyes.

He saw that her eyes had gotten darker and he smirked. He did that to her. He got her so aroused, her eyes literally darkened with from the passion. They stared into each other's eyes for what felt like an eternity.

She took his hand again, stepping into the shower with him, standing under the stream; she wrapped her arms around him and pulled him closer. She kissed him lightly, their lips barely touching. It was sensual, not rushed or hurried. Brian ran his fingers through her hair and up and down her back. She broke the kiss and smiled. "This is incredible."

He pulled her close and hugged her. He heard her sigh, contentedly, and he kissed the top of her head. He loved that they could be sensual, and truly intimate, but that they could screw each other's brains out. He never questioned that they loved each other, but it just didn't seem like the right time to say it. It seemed too soon, even though he loved her for thirteen years.

She also loved that they could go at it like rabbits until the cows came home, but that they could be this soft and loving at the same time. The truth was that she loved him, and it scared the shit out of her. She never felt like this before, she never had someone in every fiber of her being the way Brian was. She wanted to tell him, but what if he didn't feel the same way about her? What if he wasn't there yet? She realized that she loved him before he ever came back into her life, and if she was more forward when it came to romance, she would have told him before now. But because of how shy she was when it came to love, she wouldn't say it until she was sure the other person felt the same way.

He smiled and ran her hands over her body, kissing her once more. He picked up her shampoo she brought with her, squeezing some into his hands then working it into her wet hair. She smiled and closed her eyes, enjoying the massage she was getting from him washing her hair. He smiled, "Tilt your head back," he whispered. She did as she was told and he made sure she was under the water, the soap rinsing from her hair. He kissed along her throat, and over her collar bones.

She smiled and brought her head back up, lifting his head up and kissing him softly. She smiled. "That was nice," she whispered against his lips.

"I'm glad you're enjoying it. But I'm not done," he caressed her face gently. He smiled and picked up the conditioner, following the same process. When her hair was washed and conditioned, he picked up a bar of soap and lathered it in his hands as he started washing her newly tanned skin. As he went, he kissed her lips; he cupped her breasts, gently squeezing them as he washed them. She moaned into the kiss, feeling herself getting more and more aroused as he went along. He smiled, washing her torso, and then her legs, knowing what she wanted, going just around her wet center, washing her legs, then standing back up. He smiled and turned her around, washing her shoulders and back, nipping at her ear, kissing her neck.

She gasped, feeling her knees starting to quiver. She moved her neck back, resting her hand on the back of his head, pulling his lips to hers and kissing him passionately. She smiled and took one hand and moved it down her torso, between her legs. She needed to be touched, she needed to feel him.

He smirked and ran his fingers over her folds, hearing her moan. He smirked, still behind her, feeling himself getting harder by the second. "You're so wet, baby," he spoke in a raspy whisper; one he knew drove her wild. "Tell me what you want," he said softly, knowing what she wanted, what she needed, but hearing it from her always made him so much more aroused.

Olivia gasped, audibly this time, feeling him touch her, feeling her knees buckle, luckily he was holding her up. "I want you, Bry," she managed to get out.

He smirked and teased her a little bit more. "Mmm, you've got me. What do you want me to do," he asked in a husky voice as he teased her opening, putting one finger just barely inside her, then pulling it out.

"That." She moaned. "I want your fingers inside me." She was out of breath, she was so aroused, and she needed some relief. "Please baby, I need you," she begged. She inhaled, followed by a high pitched moan feeling his finger inside her, starting to move. Her hips moved with his hand, arching her back. "Oh yeah, baby," she moaned, feeling him pushing another finger inside of her, his thumb rubbing her clit.

Her moans were all it took to make him hard and ready. "I want to be inside you," he whispered in her ear, turning her around. "You want me to get a condom?"

She shook her head. "I'm on the pill. I want to feel you inside me," she said, breathlessly, her chest heaving, her body aching for him.

He smiled and picked her up, pressing her back against the shower wall. He looked into her eyes as he pushed himself inside her. "Fuck, Liv," he seethed, one hand supporting her, the other on the shower wall as he started moving inside of her.

She let out a loud moan as her back arched and her head fell back, hitting the tile wall with a thump. Her hips started moving with his, and as they found each other's rhythm Brian started moving his hips into her faster, pushing deeper inside of her. He pushed as deep as her body would allow him, and he moved harder. All of this drove her wild. She wanted to moan, to scream in ecstasy, but no sound would come out of her open mouth. She heard Brian grunt, and it made her walls contract. He was so sexy when he was so passionate. He buried himself inside her, stopped moving and she pulled him closer and kissed him. She pulled away and started kissing his neck, biting gently. She didn't care if she left a mark on him or even if he left a mark on her. They were on a romantic getaway; people would be amazed if they came back without a few love bites. He moaned and started doing the same to her. She smirked and purred in his ear. "I'm so close, baby," she whispered in his ear, licking up the shell of his ear, then nibbling on his ear lobe.

He groaned and thrust a few more times into her, and that was all it took. Both of them went falling over a passionate cliff. He smiled and kissed her lips, holding her up, as she put her legs down, knowing they would be weak from the romp they just had, it always happened when they had sex in an upright position. He smiled and pulled away from her, tucking a piece of hair behind her ear. He smiled at her, as they looked into each other's eyes. She returned the smile and wrapped her arms around his neck. He turned his head and kissed her arm. "That was incredible, baby."

She smiled and let her hands run over his shoulders, and down his chest. "I can't think of a time with you that it wasn't. We know each other, inside and out. We're not strangers meeting in a bar," she smiled and caressed his face.

Neither was ready yet to say _I love you_, but they both knew. They could feel it in every kiss. They stood in the shower, holding one another until the water ran cold. They got out, dried themselves off and lay in bed, still naked, but not doing anything sexual. They exchanged small kisses here and there, he rubbed small circles on her back, and she cuddled into his chest. This, they thought, was bliss.

He kissed the top of her head and looked into her eyes. "I wish we didn't have to leave tomorrow."

She smiled. "I know, I wish we could stay here forever. Just like this," her voice was soft; she didn't want to break this feeling she had. She sighed and looked up at him. "This has been the best week of my life. I'm the luckiest woman in the world, to have you," she whispered and kissed his lips softly.

He smiled and kissed her back. He rested his forehead against hers. "I have the best girl in the world lying in my arms right now. I'm the luckiest guy there is." He caressed her face and ran his other hand up and down her side. "Not only are you the best, you're also the most beautiful."

She blushed. "Maybe when we first got together," she whispered, not used to being called beautiful.

He shook his head. "You were beautiful back then, don't get me wrong, but right now… just like this," he shook his head. "Liv, I've never seen another woman as gorgeous, as breathtaking as you. You may not look exactly the same as you did all those years ago, but the way your body has changed… God, I didn't think it was possible, but you actually got more beautiful."

She smiled and bit her bottom lip. "You really think so," she asked looking into his eyes. "I mean… I guess I just never thought of myself that way." She looked down at his chest. "I mean, I've gotten a little thicker, things have started moving south that shouldn't… wrinkles…" She shook her head.

"Well, you know what I see? I see a woman who has aged so gracefully. A woman who's wise and caring, who would bend over backwards to help anyone in need, I see a woman who is beautiful inside and out."

She smiled, feeling a tear well up in her eyes. "Bry, you really think all that about me?"

He smiled and kissed her. "That and more," he gently wiped the tear that fell down her cheek away with his thumb. "I want to lie here, just like this, forever, looking into your beautiful eyes."

"Oh, Bry," she smiled and rested her hand on his cheek, kissing him softly, but passionately. She put all her feeling into that one kiss. She hoped that he could feel every emotion; she hoped that he could feel how much she loved him.

And he did.

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**A/N: Thanks for reading. Please review! Here or on Twitter SVUConnoisseur (and yes, my display name IS Mrs. Dean Winters. Peter Hermann is taken, and Dean is just... Mmmmmm.) Anyways... Next chapter, back to NY... Valentine's day... and another trip... or two...**

**Also! Be on the look out for my latest fic, coming soon, 50 Shades of Benson (Thank you Pablo Schrieber {"The Beast"} for the idea, from your picture of Duct tape and rope with the caption "#wheresbenson?")**


	5. Back to Reality

**A/N: A big thanks to my beta, Liv Cassidy! This is the longest chapter for any story I've ever written to date. I just had so much to get in here! Enjoy!**

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The next morning, they woke up, stilled wrapped in each other's arms. Looking up at him, she smiled and kissed him softly. "You sure we have to leave?" she asked in a groan.

He chuckled. "I'm pretty sure," he said, giving a small laugh, hearing her groan. "But we have a whole day before we have to be at work; we can relax, get some sleep or… not sleep at all," he winked.

She smiled. "You have a one track mind," she said shaking her head.

"You love it," he spoke kissing her, rolling on top of her. "We should probably pack so we don't miss our plane. That would be bad."

She smiled. "We should," she whispered, running her hands over his chest. "But I can't get up with you on top of me, babe," she said, biting her lip. That was the first time she had used a pet name for him outside of the heat of passion.

Brian noticed and he smiled. She was getting comfortable with him, and he was happy with that. All he ever wanted was for her to be happy, with him or not. He gently caressed her face then kissed her lips. He broke the kiss softly. "That's true," he got off of her, kneeling beside her, helping her sit up. "Come on, let's get packed. We'll have a little lunch before we leave, and we'll have a special night tonight."

She smiled and shook her head. "Have I told you how incredible you are?" she asked with a smile, the sheet still covering her chest. "Because if I haven't, you are so incredible, more than I can even describe."

He smiled and kissed her forehead. "So are you," he looked into her eyes. "More incredible than any woman I've ever seen, met, been with," he took her hand in his. "You make me want to be a better man."

She looked down at their hands then up into his eyes. "You make me want to have a relationship, not an affair," she said, referencing a comment he made thirteen years ago about how when she got married, as long as she still had her job, her marriage would be an affair.

He smiled sadly. "I never should have said that Liv. I was angry, hurt."

Olivia nodded. "I know, but you were right. Elliot was the longest relationship I had with a man, and we weren't even romantically involved, and he still left me," she shrugged. She shook her head. "Don't apologize; I'm the one who should be apologizing. I know you were angry and hurt. But back then, I wasn't as mature as I thought I was. I was very condescending and I was kind of a bitch. I changed."

He smiled. "For the better, we've both changed."

She smiled. "I did notice that you know more when it comes to narcotics. I'm sure you're the one walking around with a rookie explaining terms they've never heard of before," she giggled a bit. "I still remember the time when Munch was teaching you about necrophilia. Then you went and did some research on your own, then told us all how a person didn't have to really be dead, only appear dead. I remember smiling. I smiled a lot when you were around. Still do."

He smiled. "I remember why I did that, to impress you. I'd kill to see you smile. Still would."

Olivia flashed him a big, genuine smile. "You don't have to kill anyone, you just have to be," she kissed him.

They got up, got dressed, packed, and headed out to have a quick lunch, before heading to the airport to return home to New York. Once they touched down at JFK they quickly disembarked from the plane, walking hand in hand through the airport to the baggage claim, getting their luggage, and hailing a taxi back to her place.

When they reached her apartment, he took her keys, unlocked the door and helped her inside. "Well, now that we're home, what should we do," he asked, wrapping his arms around her waist.

She smiled and wrapped her arms around his neck. "I say we order some take out and have a quiet night in. Just you and me," she whispered, giving him a peck on the lips and looking into his eyes. "One more night together before we go back to reality," she whispered.

Brian smiled. "Sounds perfect to me, any time with you is perfect."

She giggled. "Well, aren't you the hopeless romantic?

He kissed her lips gently. "Only for you, baby."

She rested her head on his chest, listening to his heartbeat, as they stood in the middle of her living room. "I love being in your arms. I feel safe."

He kissed the top of her head and moved his hands up her back, holding her close. "I love having you in my arms," he said, hugging her tightly, but not too tight. "You fit so perfectly."

She smiled and looked up at him and gave him another quick peck on the lips and broke the hug, unwillingly. She walked over to the drawer where she kept her takeout menus. "What are you in the mood for tonight?" She asked, looking through them.

He smiled and followed her, wrapping his arms around her waist from behind, feeling her lean back into him. "I'm in the mood for something spicy," he said with a smirk, his chin resting on her shoulder.

Olivia smirked and rolled her eyes. "Aren't you always," she asked with a giggle.

Brian smiled. "Hmm… some Mexican food, a few margaritas, tequila shots," he whispered in her ear, kissing behind her ear.

She smiled and closed her eyes, her hands resting over his. "Mmm. Go on."

He smirked and gently kissed her neck. "See if tequila makes your clothes fall off."

Olivia giggled and turned in his arms, kissing him. "That's something you'll have to find out for yourself, 'cause I already know the answer," she whispered against his lips, walking her fingers up his chest.

He smirked. "I suggest you order that food soon then, once we start drinking, there's no telling what'll happen when we get that knock on the door," he spoke softly as his hands trailed down her back to her ass, giving it a squeeze, then pulling her closer to him.

She gasped and smiled. "I need you to let me free so I can get my phone," she said with a smile. "Or we won't be eating tonight."

He smirked. "You won't be maybe."

She slapped his chest and giggled. "You're an ass."

He chuckled. "But I got to see that beautiful smile, and hear your amazing laugh."

She smiled. "When did you become so mushy?"

He smirked and backed her against the counter, gently kissing her neck before whispering in her ear, "When you called me babe."

Olivia felt the counter at her back, his lips and breath in her ear drove her wild, and her heart fluttered when she heard what he said.

They enjoyed their night together, laughing, eating, drinking, and fooling around. Turns out tequila really does make Olivia's clothes fall off, much to Brian's delight. The next day they went back to work, falling into a routine of hopping between their apartments, spending their days and nights off together. Sometimes just cuddling up to watch a movie, sometimes spending all night together in bed, getting no sleep but never feeling tired. The nights that Olivia had to spend alone were damn near torture. She missed being in his arms. She missed that feeling of safety. Sure, she was a forty something woman from Manhattan who had been single for most of her life. She slept with her gun next to her bed. But there was something about sleeping in Brian's arms that made her feel complete, like nothing could harm her.

After about a month, they went out to an early Valentine's Day dinner. Olivia was in her favorite red dress and a pair of nude heels. They went out to a fancy restaurant, he ordered for both of them, knowing exactly what she liked and he took her hand and looked into her eyes. "Liv, I've been wanting to tell you this for a while now."

_Here it is,_ she thought. _He's breaking up with me, keep a brave face Benson. You can survive._ She smiled softly. "What is it, Bry?"

He smiled and caressed her hand. "I know we haven't been officially together for a long time, but I… I love you."

Olivia gasped silently, feeling tears stinging her eyes. "Bry… I." She smiled and felt tears spilling from her eyes. "God, I love you, too," she whispered, wiping her eyes. He got up and moved closer to her and he kissed her softly.

"I'm so glad to hear you say that, baby."

She smiled. "I wanted to tell you. When we were in the Bahamas, I just… I was scared. Every other person I've said that to left me. Scared them off," she shrugged and took a deep breath. "God, I love you so much."

He smiled. "I knew, though," he whispered. "I knew that last night, when you kissed me, I knew you loved me, and when you called me babe. It made me fall in love with you even more."

Olivia smiled and wiped her eyes again. "I'm sorry, I just… I've never actually believed a man when he said he loved me before." She whispered and made sure to get the last remaining tears from her eyes and she smiled at him. "I've never loved anyone this much before, either and… I don't want this feeling to ever go away."

He smiled and wiped his thumb under her eyes and kissed her. "You're even beautiful when you're crying," he kissed her cheeks, then her nose, and finally her lips. "As long as I live, I know I'll have this feeling. Fourteen years is a long time, that's how long I've loved you."

She smiled and rested her hand against his cheek. "I'm pretty sure I can say the same, I just didn't know it back then."

He smiled and kissed her, their kiss interrupted by her cell phone ringing. She groaned and looked at it. "Damn it." She said and rolled her eyes as she answered. "Benson," she let out a sigh. "Where? Okay, I'll be there as soon as I can." She hung up and looked at him. "I hate to do this, Bry…"

He smiled gently and kissed her. "It's okay. Go."

She let out a sigh. "I'm so sorry. I was hoping nothing would happen tonight. I wanted it to be perfect."

He smiled and held her hands. "Hey, I got to hear _I love you_ from my beautiful girlfriend. Tonight was, and still is, perfect."

She smiled and kissed him. "I'll call you as soon as I know what's going on," she caressed his face, running her thumb over his lips. "I love you, Bry," she bit her bottom lip and smiled.

He leaned in and kissed her once more. "I love you, too, Liv."

She smiled, he got up and walked her out to her car, making sure she got in safely. He went back inside, flagged down their waitress, and took a deep breath. "Make those plates to go, and I'll take the check, please."

Olivia arrived at the crime scene to see her partner, Nick Amaro, looking shocked at her outfit. "Wow. Olivia… it's a little early for Valentine's Day."

She smiled and shook her head, "Look, he and I decided that we weren't ready for the whole Valentine's Day dinner thing so…"

"You went for the casual pre- dinner. I get it. Sorry to pull you out. This is Alexei Beluchov, boys' gymnastics coach. Stabbed with an ice pick, bled a lot. Lucky for the vic, the EMT's got here quick or we'd be calling Warner."

"And this is our case because…?" Olivia asked, not sure why she was called away from a romantic dinner for a stabbing. "He was stabbed in a bad place?"

"Uhhh, both of them."

"Ah, any chance CSU can get any prints on the weapon?"

"We'll have to wait for the coach to get out of surgery."

Olivia took a deep breath and nodded. She knew this case wasn't going to be open and shut; she just had a gut feeling. And boy was she right. She wound up sitting across a table from Bayard Ellis, sipping wine, and nearly begging him to help her get Reggie Rhodes off death row. He finally agreed, after adding salt to the wound that had he broken her relationship with David Haden, but she couldn't really be mad anymore. She had Brian now. If she were still with David, she may never have gotten together with Brian.

Once he agreed, she drove to Cleveland with Bayard, but she called Brian and she smiled, hearing his voice. "Hey, sorry I haven't called you in a while. We've been trying to figure out this case. I wish I could say I was, baby," she said gently, seeing Bayard's face as she spoke. "I'm on my way to Cleveland to question a possible witness," she nodded. "I know, I know, but I'll be home as soon as I can, and then I am taking at least one day off and you and I are just going to be. Sound good," she asked with a smile. "Good, I love you," she smiled and nodded. "Yes, I will call when we get done and update you on what's going on. Bye baby."

"Wow. I love you? Baby? Who's the lucky guy?"

She had a smile on her face; she looked out the window and bit her bottom lip. She shook her head. "You don't know him."

When they figured out they were going to have to stay over, Olivia picked up her phone and called Brian. "Hey, baby. I'm okay, I've been better. No, we're going to have to stay over. No, not Amaro. Yes, but, babe. Babe, will you listen. We're going to get separate rooms," she got a sly smile on her face. "Maybe if you behave we can work something out. Okay, love you." She hung up and shook her head. "One track mind."

"Can you blame him," Bayard asked, raising and eyebrow.

"What?"

"Oh come on, Olivia. You're a beautiful woman, I'm pretty sure I see half of the men in the DA's office staring at you. Can you blame the man?"

She shrugged. "I guess I don't notice. He's the only one who really makes me feel beautiful. I mean, David was great, but… I don't know, something about him…"

They rode to a hotel in silence, got their rooms and turned in for the night. She called Brian and she smiled. "Hey, baby." She said as she threw the phone on the bed, slipping out of her clothes, the phone on speaker.

"There's the voice I love to hear."

She smiled and took a pair of pajamas out of the bag she packed forever ago, the one she kept in the cribs for occasions like this. "Well, lucky for you, I'm in my hotel room for the rest of the night, alone," she said with a smile. "And I just slipped into some pajamas, but I'd rather be in your arms, with no pajamas on."

"And you tell me to behave?"

She let out a whiny moan. "But these pajamas don't smell like you. If I had one of your shirts, it might be easier."

Brian smirked. "I'm lucky enough that your pillow in my apartment still smells like you. I cuddle with it on the nights you aren't here."

"That is the most adorable thing I've ever heard… as long as that's all you do with it."

"Liv… really?"

She sighed. "Sorry. I have trauma worker brain. I need some time off to get my regular brain back."

He smiled. "As soon as you get home, we'll take some time off together, sound good?"

She smiled and nodded. "Yeah. I still wish you were here though. I don't know how I'm going to sleep. I'm in a strange place, and I don't have my big strong man to hold me."

Brian smiled. "Aw, my poor baby, anything I can do to make it better?"

"Short of driving to Cleveland?"

"You know I'd do it for you, Liv. If you want me there…"

Olivia smiled. "I couldn't ask you to do that, baby. I couldn't ask you to call out of work because I'm feeling lonely."

"Just say the word, and I'll be there in a heartbeat."

Olivia bit her bottom lip. "As tempting as that is… I'll let you know if something changes though."

"Okay baby. Get some rest. You have a long couple days ahead of you. Give me a call tomorrow."

She smiled. "I will. I promise. I love you."

"I love you, too, baby."

They hung up, and Olivia climbed under the covers, turning off the light, setting her alarm and drifting off to sleep. Luckily, they were able to close the case in Cleveland in a few days, and once the case in New York was closed, Olivia took a couple days off, to regroup and to take care of herself. But more importantly, she was back in Brian's arms.

Exactly where she was supposed to be.

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**A/N: Thanks for reading! Please review, here or on twitter SVUConnoisseur! Another 50 Shades update is coming soon, but next on this fic, a mini trip to Miami, a seemingly endless case, and then some Bensidy sexy time! :) **


	6. Their Special Bond

**A/N: Okay, I know I promised a Fifty Shades update first, but sometimes the muse just says otherwise. So, Chapter 6... here it is. Thanks to Liv Cassidy for being my amazing beta, and for the confidence boost! :) Enjoy! **

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Olivia woke up, her eyes still closed, feeling his arm wrapped around her. She snuggled closer into him and she kissed his chest, then she kissed his lips. He smiled and pulled her on top of him. She smiled and straddled him. "Good morning, sexy," she whispered against his lips.

He smirked and rested his hands on her hips, running them up her sides. "Good morning to you, too, Pancakes."

Olivia giggled at the pet name he gave her a few weeks earlier. She ran her hands over his chest. "I love that you came up with such a unique pet name for me. I like it better than just baby, or honey."

He smiled. "A woman like you deserves more than the generic."

She bit her bottom lip and shook her head. "I love you so much," she whispered and gently kissed his neck.

He closed his eyes and smiled, rubbing her back. "Mmm. I love you too."

She stopped and whispered in his ear. "We're both off today. What do you suggest we do," she asked, gently nipping at his earlobe.

He got a devious smirk on his face, and flipped them over so he was on top of her. "Well, I could think of a few things."

Olivia giggled, feeling his hands trail up her sides, under her shirt. "I knew you could."

He smiled and kissed her neck, his fingers slipping into her shorts and panties, feeling just how wet she was. He smirked and kissed her lips, gently biting her lip. "You're so wet, baby," he whispered against her lips, pushing two fingers into her warm center.

She gasped and moaned, her hands gripping the sheets as her back arched. "God, Bry!" Her hand moved to the back of his neck and she brought her lips to meet his. She kissed him passionately. Her tongue slipped into his mouth, she bit his bottom lip gently and pulled away gently. She felt his fingers start to move inside her, and she thrust her hips into his hand, finding his rhythm. She gripped onto his shoulders. She felt herself getting close to orgasm and she whispered in his ear, "I'm so close."

He smirked and his lips attached to her neck, his fingers moving faster inside of her, wanting her to fall over the edge. He felt her start to contract around his fingers and he smiled. He heard her moans, felt her grabbing at his body, looking for something to hold onto as her orgasm wracked her body.

As Olivia felt her body start to come down, she pulled him close, kissing him. He broke the kiss and brought his fingers to his lips, licking her juices off his fingers. She watched him and smiled, kissing him again, tasting herself on his lips.

He smiled and helped her sit up, taking her shirt off. "Oh, we're not done yet. We're just getting started."

Olivia gasped and smiled. "What do you have up your sleeve?"

Brian smirked. "Oh, I'm having Pancakes for breakfast."

Olivia sat up and kissed him softly. "Baby, you don't have to…"

He put a finger over her lips. "Shh. Hey, it's okay. I don't expect anything in return."

"But I…"

"Baby, it's okay. I just want to give you the most pleasure I can."

Olivia took a deep breath and nodded. "Okay," she whispered, a small smile forming on her face. She kissed him and gently caressed his face. "I love you."

He smiled and ran his fingers over her cheek, down her neck. "I love you too," he whispered, kissing her, and gently pushing her down on her back. He kissed her neck gently, over her chest, giving her breasts a little extra attention, down her stomach and to her legs. He kissed from her knees to her inner thighs, stopping at her dripping wet center. He started to kiss her lower lips, sucking gently on her clit and running his tongue over her. He felt her hand on the back of his head, he heard her moan. He smirked and kept going. He loved how she tasted.

Her eyes rolled to the back of her head and she gently tugged at his hair. "Oh fuck, baby!" Her chest was heaving; her breath was heavy and quick. It had been forever since she let anyone do this to her. In fact, she thought he was the last one who had done it to her, thirteen years ago. And that was the first time she had ever let anyone do that to her. The fact that he was the only one to ever do this to her, to bring her over the edge of bliss like this, made it that much more special and erotic.

Brian smiled, tasting her release. He made sure she was clean before kissing up to her lips. She let out a gentle moan, wrapping her arms around him. She could taste herself on his lips and in all honesty she loved it. He ran his hands over her body. "God, baby," he whispered in her ear. "I love doing that to you."

She smiled and moved his face and smiled. "You, are the only one," she bit her bottom lip.

"You mean you've never… no one else?"

She shook her head and kissed him. "I don't know, that night thirteen years ago was the first time and no one since has wanted to, and the past few years, after what happened when I was undercover, I haven't been able to reciprocate… they didn't want to do it without me doing it for them." She shrugged.

Brain caressed her face. "Then they're stupid. That's not what this is supposed to be about."

She smiled and moved her face, gently kissing his hand. "This is why I love you." She whispered. "And I think it makes this that much more special. It's our special connection." She whispered and smiled. "Well, one of them."

He smiled and wrapped his arms around her, rolling them so she was lying on top of him. He started rubbing her back. He heard her let out a contented sigh. These little moments they got to spend together were the ones that meant the most to them. They both saw the worst of the world at work, even though he was working as a security guard for the Bronx Courthouse now, so these little moments were what got them through.

Olivia looked into his eyes and kissed him, resting her head on his chest. "You know, there are times that I don't understand it. What I did to deserve such an incredible man. Then I tell myself not to question it, that it would only jinx it."

Brian lifted her chin. "What on Earth are you talking about, Liv? You have the biggest heart of anyone I know. You fight for survivors of abuse and sexual assault every day of your life, tirelessly. You want to know what you did; you gave people back what was taken away from them. You helped them heal. I ask myself the same question. You don't know how often I think that you're too good for me."

She kissed him gently. "Please, you may look like a big tough guy but I know that deep down, you're the biggest teddy bear, and your soft side… Bry, you do things for people that I don't think you realize. Do you realize that you made Carissa feel like she was more than a sex object? You gave her back her self- respect."

Brian smiled and rolled so they were lying side by side. "Now if we could only see these qualities in ourselves…"

"Then we wouldn't need each other."

"Liv, I will always need you," he whispered and kissed her, putting every emotion he had in his body into the kiss. She returned it with just as much emotion. They truly couldn't get enough of each other, which is why they spent as much time together as they could, it made the time apart a little easier knowing that when they saw each other again, they would both feel complete, safe, and loved.

Their day off came and went; they spent their day in bed talking, laughing, watching movies, kissing, and making love; their usual routine. The next morning Olivia had to go back to work. She dreaded whatever case would fall in their laps this time, and just looked forward to being in Brian's arms again at the end of the day.

Unfortunately, that would have to wait. The case that Munch happened to stumble upon, from the 1980's, was definitely a mess. She and Nick were sent down to Miami to pick up their suspect when he was released from jail. Before they left she snuck away to the bathroom and called Brian to let him know.

"I know, baby. Yes, I know you don't like him. Bry," she let out a breath and leaned her head against the wall. "Baby, I love you, but you can really be an ass," she crossed her other arm over her chest and shook her head. "Yes, I will call you when we land in Miami, when we leave, and when we get back to New York. I promise," she smiled. "I love you, too," she whispered. "Bye."

Olivia did just what she promised; she called every step of the way, filling him in on what was going on, though she had to sneak off to the bathroom in order to do it. Her partner and her boyfriend didn't get along, and she really didn't need to hear Nick's angry reaction to her seeing Brian. Nick did notice her bathroom trips, but he figured it was just because she was a woman; and being a man who'd been married, he knew that women needed to go to the bathroom more often. He didn't know why, but he didn't ask questions. It was none of his business anyway. She assured Brian that they were working as quickly as possible to finish this case and that she would see him again soon.

When they got to the Dade County Correctional Facility she looked at Nick. "South Florida, I gotta say, it's overrated."

"What, the sun, the coffee, people?"

"The heat, the bugs."

"Really? That Cuban sandwich?"

"Not so much."

"I didn't hear you complain about the Bahamas."

She scoffed. "The hotel has air conditioning. Plus, the water helped cool us down… when we were in the water," she sassed.

He shook his head. "Thanks for the visual, Liv."

The twists in this case took an emotional toll on her. She had to arrest one of her friends for a murder she committed more than twenty years ago. Dana made the crime scene look like that of a serial killer. She fought for Dana. She insisted there was no way that she did this. When she found out she had, there was a pit in her stomach. What if that was her? What if she snapped like Dana did.

Once the case was closed, she went to Brian's apartment, knocking on the door, waiting for him to answer.

He opened the door and smiled. "Hey, beautiful."

She smiled and kissed him, wrapping her arms around him. "I missed you," she whispered against his lips. "You have no idea how hard the past few days have been. I'm just need a night to put it out of my mind, and be in the arms of the man I love."

"You came to the right place then," he wrapped an arm around her and led her to the bedroom, handing her a shirt to change into and getting in bed, holding her in his arms as she crawled close to him. She rested her head on his chest and closed her eyes.

"Mmm. God, I don't even know what's going on any more," she whispered. "Dana Lewis, the FBI agent, my friend. I just had to arrest her for murder." She shook her head. "I don't understand. I always thought we were so much alike, and…"

He shook his head. "Liv, baby," he kissed her head. "Relax. I'm sorry you had to arrest your friend, but I know where you're going with this. You don't have one fiber of viciousness in your body. The only people you've killed you did to protect yourself, or someone else. Not out of anger or jealousy."

She looked up at him and smiled gently. "You know me too well."

He shook his head and kissed her. "I know you inside and out, literally and metaphorically; just how it should be."

She kissed him again, caressing his face. "I love you."

Brian smiled, running his hand over her hip, "I love you more."

* * *

**A/N: Thanks for reading! Please review, here or on Twitter SVUConnoisseur! I'm heading off to work on Fifty Shades now, so you'll have an update ASAP, but I'm going away for a few days on Tuesday, so if it isn't up before then, it probably won't be up til September 1st! Bear with me! Thanks a bunch for being such loyal readers! Love you all! xox**


	7. The Blues

**A/N: Thanks again to my incredible beta, Liv Cassidy! Especially for bearing with me with all the craziness of this chapter! It's the longest one yet, so enjoy!**

* * *

The months passed, cases came and went, but the one thing that was constant was that whenever they had free time, they were together. They didn't feel that they needed to be because they were in a relationship. They wanted to be together. They loved each other's company, even if all they were doing was cuddling on the couch watching a movie. The nights they had to sleep alone were some of the loneliest nights they could ever remember. But tonight, Brian had off, and as she wasn't catching and all her paperwork was done, she was taking the night off. She put her jacket on and sent a text to Brian letting him know she would be over soon.

"Go home, Munch; there will be bad guys to catch tomorrow."

"Uh… Who are you and what have you done with Detective Benson?" Munch asked.

She smirked as her hands went into her pockets. "I'm taking the night off," she said as she walked out with Fin and Amanda.

"With the captain on vacation, don't worry about us; we're fine, we'll carry on," Munch spoke as he walked into the captain's office.

Nick had just finished his phone call with Maria about him coming to visit Zara, when he turned around and saw a young woman. He hung up and looked at her. "Can I help you?"

"I hope so. I was raped… by a cop. He was in the paper today; it said he was testifying against some pimp. Before today I haven't seen his face in four years. Until today, I didn't know he was a cop."

Nick took a deep breath and nodded. "Okay, follow me. I'm going to take your statement," Nick said with a nod, leading her into an interview room. About an hour later, when they were finished, Nick shook her hand and watched her walk out. He knocked on the Captain's door, where Munch was, then opened the door. "Can I bug you for a second?"

Munch stepped out of the office and listened as Nick explained the situation. "She says Cassidy raped her? OUR Cassidy?"

Nick shrugged. "She said it was four years ago; he was undercover with some pimp. She never saw him again until she recognized his picture in the paper about the Ganzel trial."

"That's one hell of a coincidence, Cassidy's getting ready to testify against Ganzel, and this woman appears making accusations?"

"Well, we know he's crossed some lines."

"You remember when Ganzel drugged our Captain? Put a dead hooker in his bed?"

"You mean Carissa, the hooker Cassidy had an affair with?"

"Yeah, which is why he was busted down to uni and works nights at the Bronx courthouse. He's paid the price."

"Ok, so what do we do, tell this woman to take a hike?"

"There's protocol, we have to notify IAB or our commanding officer. We'll try Cragen first."

"On a fishing boat, off Bimini?"

"Rules are rules."

* * *

Olivia arrived at Brian's house, knocked on the door, and leaned against the door jamb while waiting for him to open the door.

He smiled when he opened the door. "Hello, beautiful."

She smiled big and pushed herself off the wall. "Hello yourself," she smirked and walked into the apartment, wrapping her arms around him, kicking his front door shut as their lips made contact.

He smirked against her lips and ran his hands up his back, to her shoulders, and sliding her jacket off. "Stay awhile?"

"As long as you'll have me," she whispered into his ear, gently nipping at his ear, then his neck.

He smirked as he ran her hands down to her ass, gently squeezing it. "That would be forever, Pancakes," he whispered in a husky voice.

"Mmm. You have no idea what you do to me," she smiled and ran her hands over his chest, unbuttoning his navy blue shirt along the way.

"Oh, you know I do. I make you come undone. I drive you wild, just the sound of my voice, the feel of our lips together is enough to push you over the edge, the feel of my fingers makes you scream my name until you can't say or scream anything," he smirked as he started undressing her. This wasn't their usual. They had a healthy sex life, but tonight they both needed each other. It had been nearly a week since they were together in any way last, and this always happened when they were reunited. They had sex like rabbits the first night they were together after an extended period. He ran his hands up her side and she looked into his eyes.

"Damn right, baby," she said, her chest heaving as she pulled him into another kiss, sliding his shirt off his shoulders and then going to work on his pants, pushing his jeans and boxers off his hips and then running her hands over every inch of his body she could reach.

He finished getting her undressed and moved his lips from her lips to her neck. She gasped and smirked, pushing him back on the couch. She smiled and straddled him, her hands on the back of the couch on either side of his head. She felt his hands slide over her thighs, resting on her hips as he looked into her eyes. "You gonna ride me, baby?"

"Like a bucking bronco," she whispered in his ear, sinking onto him, letting out a low moan into his ear as she felt him fill her. "God, baby."

He seethed in pleasure, feeling her perfect fit around him. "God, I love the way you fit around me."

She smiled as she started to ride him, moving her hips in all different directions, up and down, in circles, in a figure eight. With each motion he hit a different spot inside of her and it drove her insane. "Oh, shit, baby," she moaned as she threw her head back.

He kissed her neck, then to her breast, taking her nipple in his mouth. He let out a grunt and she gasped, moaning. "God, Liv," he moaned and held her hips tighter, finding her rhythm and moving in perfect sync with her, getting as deep as he possibly could.

It wasn't long until they were both spiraling over the edge of their climax together. She fell into his chest, breathing heavily. "Mmmm. Bry, that was amazing," she said breathlessly.

He smiled and kissed the top of her head, rubbing her back. "When isn't it?"

She smiled and looked up at him, kissing him, gently biting his bottom lip. "I say we go cuddle in the bedroom. Make out like horny teenagers," she whispered and giggled.

"You got it, Pancakes. How about we get something to eat? Build our strength for the rest of the night?"

She gasped. "Brian Cassidy, you animal," she teased. "Sounds good, other than what's straddling you, what uh—what are you in the mood for?"

Brian smirked. "You love it," he smirked. "I don't know. Something spicy, like the incredibly sexy woman I have on my lap… Thai?"

She smiled. "Perfect."

She got off him and picked up her bra and panties and his shirt, buttoning it up so he could still see a sliver of her bra, as he went to get the menu. She walked into the kitchen and wrapped her arms around his torso from behind. He smirked. "See something you like?"

Olivia giggled. "The green curry sounds good."

Brian smirked. "You're a sassy little thing, aren't you?"

She smirked, too. "Oh, you meant you, I thought that was common knowledge, sexy," she whispered, gently biting his earlobe and pressing her body into his, moving her hips gently.

He turned in her arms. "You're evil."

She gasped and feigned shock. "Why, what-ever do you mean? I'm just an innocent woman, trying to give the man she loves her order for the Thai food."

"Innocent my ass, babe; you know what you were doing, and you know I love it."

She smiled and rested her arms on his shoulders. "Maybe… I have been known to be a tease."

He shook his head. "Come on, let's order our food so we can go make out."

She giggled. "Like horny teenagers," she finished.

He ordered their food and picked her up. She gasped and giggled as he carried her into the bedroom. He laid her down on the bed and started kissing her. She smiled and kissed him back, pulling him closer. She wrapped a leg around his waist and smiled, gently nipping at his bottom lip.

He broke the kiss and kissed her neck. She gasped and arched her back. "Mmm. God, Bry!"

He smirked and whispered in her ear. "I know your spots."

She smiled and looked into his eyes. "And I know yours," she whispered, gently caressing his face.

He smiled and rested his forehead on hers. "I love you, baby."

She smiled and kissed him softly. "I love you, too."

They kissed for a little while longer until there was a knock on his apartment door. "Dinner's here," he said after her broke the kiss.

She smiled. "Impeccable timing."

He got up and put on his pajama pants, and a gray tank. He went to get his wallet and she took it, taking out some money. "Tip for my sexy entertainer," she joked. He chuckled and took it from her hand in his mouth. He heard another knock at the door and spoke with the money in his mouth, "Hold on, I'm coming." He walked out and opened the door to see John Munch and Nick Amaro. "Oh, hey guys."

"Numb nuts, don't you ask who it is before you open the door," Munch asked with his usual snarky attitude.

"I thought you were my Thai food."

"We need to talk," Munch said. Brian hesitated; he knew that none of Olivia's co-workers knew about them.

"Now. Can we come in," Nick Amaro all but insisted. The two of them never got along, and he could tell that he was getting agitated just being in his presence.

"It's not a real good time right now, guys," Brian tried to stall.

It had taken longer than Olivia expected for him to get the food, and she got worried. "Bry," she called out.

"I got this, it's taken care of," he called back, praying that she wouldn't walk out of his bedroom. She knew what she had on and their secret would be out of the bag, and neither of them wanted that right now.

Nick was taken aback. _This asshole could get a girl? They must be getting desperate these days. _"You have company?"

"Yeah, it's your sister. You should have told me she snores," Brian quipped back. "I'll call you tomorrow," he said as he went to close the door.

Just then Olivia walked out of the bedroom, with his wallet, getting out smaller bills. "Hey, need change," she asked, not realizing who was at the door.

Nick caught the door and pushed it open. "Liv?"

"Hey, guys," she said, and let out a breath. She put her hand to the top of the shirt and closed it, so they didn't see her bra.

Brian looked at Olivia then at the two detectives before him. "I'll call you in the morning," he said and closed the door and rushed to Olivia's side, hugging her tight.

She let out a breath. She was still in shock. She wasn't sure whether to cry from embarrassment, or go to the gym and beat the fuck out of a punching bag, or to have rough angry sex with Brian. "I… What the hell just happened?"

Brian took a deep breath and kissed the top of her head. "I'm not sure, but I think we disclosed to your squad."

"Damn it," she said softly and shook her head. "I wasn't ready to tell them. It's not that I don't want them to know, I just want to keep my personal and professional lives separate. I hate taking work home with me. I've seen what it can do to a relationship, and I refuse to have what happened to Kathy and Elliot happen to us."

"Liv, Baby, Pancakes, we're not Kathy and Elliot. I know what your job is, I did it. Okay. I promise you. I'm not going anywhere. Whether anyone in your squad likes it or not, I'm in this for the long haul."

Olivia smiled and she kissed him. "I love you, baby," she whispered and wiped the tears from her eyes. Apparently the tears of embarrassment won. Just then there was a knock at the door. "Make sure that's the Thai food this time, Bry."

He smirked and rolled his eyes. Once they ate dinner, they had sex, again. They showered together and then cuddled up, naked, next to each other. Six AM the next morning Brian's phone rang. He woke up and answered it, still groggy. "Cassidy."

Olivia groaned. "Sleep."

Brian smirked. "Shhh," he gently ran his hand through her hair. "What? No I never. Yeah… Yeah, I got it thanks." He hung up the phone and looked down at Olivia.

"Everything okay?" she asked, still half asleep.

"Yeah, fine. Go back to sleep, baby."

She let out a small grunt and fell back to sleep, knowing she had to be into work and had to be up to go home to change soon. Within a half hour, her alarm went off. She woke up, seeing Brian still awake. "You never went back to sleep?"

He shook his head. "No, damn phone call woke me up too much."

"Why didn't you wake me up, baby?" she asked, running her hand over his cheek gently.

"You need your sleep. You have work today."

"So do you," she paused. "You sure you're okay? You're not… hiding anything?"

Brian smiled and gently caressed her face. "I'm fine, baby."

She smiled and moved her face to the side, kissing his palm then kissing his lips. "I love you."

"I love you, too, Liv."

She crawled on top of him and kissed him again, feeling his hands move up her back. She let out a small moan then pulled away softly. "I have to go back to my apartment, put on fresh clothes. Maybe it'll lessen some of the embarrassment," she said gently, a small smile on her face.

"Call me if you need me, baby."

"Your phone is going to be ringing off the hook. I always need you," she whispered and kissed him again, climbing off him, picking up her clothes off the living room floor, hearing Brian behind her, she smiled. "I'll stop by tonight, okay?"

He smiled and nodded. He watched her dress and took his shirt from her. "Sounds good, Pancakes."

She smiled and wrapped her arms around him and kissed him passionately. She broke the kiss and nuzzled against his nose. "Love you."

He smiled and caressed her face. "Love you, too." He let her go. He was praying that when she found out what he was being accused of that she wouldn't run. He needed her in his life, because without her, this life wasn't worth living. He sighed, closing the door behind her and then getting in the shower and putting on his uniform. "Damn thing," he murmured as he buttoned it up. He grabbed his leather jacket and keys and headed out the door, to the SVU squad room. He needed to get this taken care of.

* * *

As Brian walked into the SVU precinct, so many things ran through his mind. Surely, this was a different squad room from the one he worked in years ago, but yet it was still the same; the atmosphere was familiar. Not only was he angry because someone had accused him of rape, which he could never do, but he was embarrassed. He was embarrassed because the people who were investigating him were some of the people he used to work with. John Munch was his old partner, his friend. He figured that he believed him, but in this instance he just didn't know. He wasn't sure he knew anything anymore. He walked in and over to Munch. "Can we talk?" Munch led him into an interview with Amaro. "IAB called me at 6 AM. 6 AM!"

"We tried to warn you last night, but you were busy," Munch said.

"They're talking rape! Where's this coming from?"

"A girl named Heather Riggs."

"Heather who?"

"She look familiar?" Nick asked, as he through a file on the desk.

Brian sighed and hung his head. "Yeah. Yeah, I thought her name was Brooklyn. She was a working girl. What happened? She get arrested? She trying to make a deal?"

"She came in of her own accord," Nick said, his arms crossed.

"Right before I testify against Ganzel?"

"She said she never worked for Ganzel."

"Yeah, she didn't. It was before that. Some small time pimp… French guy, uh… Andre LaRouche. Real sleazebag. He got put away."

"Well, Ms. Riggs says she was forced into hooking and LaRouche had you break her in."

"She's lying! And you passed this report on to IAB?"

"Brain… you knew we had to," Munch said.

"Right," Brian said and got up, and walked out.

He heard Fin. "Cassidy! What's up, man?"

"Just stopped by for breakfast."

Olivia walked in and looked up from her phone, seeing Brian. "Cassidy."

"Hey, Liv. Long time no see," he said, getting close to her, smelling her perfume.

"Yeah, nice to see you," she said, still not sure how to handle this here. She looked around and let out a breath.

"Are we missing… something here," Amanda asked, feeling the tension in the room.

"You children do not need to know," Munch answered.

"Mm," Fin said, skeptical.

Olivia walked over to the coffee pot where Nick was and took a deep breath. "Nick, what's going on?"

Nick didn't look at her as he answered, "You should ask him."

Olivia pursed her lips and nodded, starting to walk away. "Ok."

"Really? You and Cassidy?"

Olivia sighed and walked back, "A, I didn't tell you because it's none of your business. B, it's really not that big of a deal. And C, Nick, I didn't tell you, because I didn't want this," she spat and turned, walking back to her desk, grabbing her keys and picking up her phone and calling Cassidy, agreeing to meet him at a coffee shop down the street.

* * *

She walked into the coffee shop and saw Brian, she walked over to him. "Hey, what's going on?"

Brian took a sip of his coffee. "Lynch mob, formed by Ganzel. He handed Nick the rope."

Olivia sat down next to him. "Okay, how about we be a little more specific?"

Brian sighed and looked over at her. "I'm being framed. For rape."

"Rape? When? Who?" Olivia asked, trying to wrap her head around this. Brian Cassidy would never rape anyone, undercover or not.

"You know, Liv, I think you're asking the wrong questions here."

She took a deep breath. "You're right, why don't you tell me what I should ask."

Brian shook his head. "The thing is, I don't know. Liv, I didn't do this…"

"I know you didn't, Bry, I know," she whispered, gently touching his arm. She turned his face and she kissed him.

"Liv, I can't lose you because of this."

Olivia smiled and caressed his face gently. "I'm not going anywhere. I'm getting too used to this kissing you in public thing… and it's not even been twelve hours yet," she said with a smile and a wink, trying to joke with him. "I know, not the time," she whispered and rubbed his shoulder. "You still want me to stop by tonight? I'll understand if you need your space," she said, resting her forehead on the side of his head.

Brian nodded and turned his face again and kissed her gently. "I think I just need a night… get my thoughts together."

Olivia nodded sadly. "In the meantime, I'm going to fight for you. I won't see you go to jail for this. I can't. I won't lose you because of Ganzel. Almost did once, won't do it again."

Brian leaned over and kissed her shoulder. "I'm not going anywhere, Pancakes," he winked.

She smiled and kissed him one last time. "I'll call you later."

Olivia walked back to the precinct and walked into the squad room. She listened to what they had on this case, about how Heather's boyfriend and boss went to see Ganzel in prison just a couple days before she came in to make her report. "We have to tell Barba."

"I was just on my way to do that," Munch said.

"Um, I'll do it. I have to talk to him anyway," she said gently, letting out a breath, getting her keys and starting to walk out.

"Hey, Liv, you want backup?" Nick asked. He walked after Olivia and they rode to the DA's office knocking on Barba's door.

He opened the door and looked at them, letting them into his office. "For the record, this is off the record. You're not supposed to be anywhere near this case."

Olivia rolled her eyes. "Noted, thought you should know that Heather Riggs has a boyfriend named-"

"Terry Matthews, AKA, Bobby Navarro. The DA's office has its own investigators."

"Good, then you know this is all just a ploy to get Ganzel off."

"Not exactly, we're picking him up, giving him a full body exam. Heather mentioned a scar on his left inner thigh."

Olivia took a deep breath and let it out. She closed her eyes, trying to keep her cool. "Um, save yourself a trip. Um, his left inner thigh, he was knifed as a rookie. Can't miss it, the cut was pretty bad, so the scar is worse. Big white splotch, right there," she said, making a circle with her hands, putting it on the inside of her thigh, close to her crotch. "That's the other thing I wanted to talk to you about."

"Ah, so current relationship or past?"

"Both, with a thirteen year gap."

"So you're not entirely impartial?"

"That's not true."

"We're picking Cassidy up now, for rape. We're going to trial."

"Trial?"

"We have to fast track. We can't appear to be protecting our own."

"He didn't do this!"

"Amaro, you took the victim's statement, was she reliable?"

Nick took a deep breath and nodded. "Yeah. She was."

"Nick, Cassidy would never RAPE anyone!"

"Well, he has admitted to having sex with prostitutes before."

"Yes, I remember thank you," she said, letting out a sigh. She hated that everyone kept bringing Cassidy's past up. Like they were trying to convince her that he was no good for her, but the truth was that he was the ONLY one for her. They both had a past. She had her fair share of sexual partners. Some would say that Cassidy was an angel compared to the things she did. She was pretty sure she'd had more sexual partners than most porn stars, but she hated hearing about her boyfriend's past from others, just as she was sure that he hated hearing about hers from others. She had never been so happy Elliot was gone than she was right then and there, because she knew that Elliot would have said anything to break her and Cassidy up.

They talked a little more and then they left. She got back to the station, hating having to think that right now, her boyfriend, the man she loved, was being arrested. She took a deep breath, she couldn't concentrate on anything. She got back up from her desk, grabbed her keys and drove back to the courthouse, wanting to be there for his arraignment. She sat behind him in court, for as much support as she could give him, and when the judge settled on bail she stood up and waited for the crowd to disperse before she walked over to him, just wanting to be near him, she needed to know that they were ok.

His lawyer, Querns, saw her first. "Detective, you are a vision as always."

She smiled and saw Brian turn around. "Hey."

He nodded. "Hey."

She walked with him out to her car and she looked at him. "They have witnesses that say you and her were alone in a room for two hours. And she knows about your scar, that one," she said, pointing at his left thigh. "See the problem?"

"Nothing happened," Brian said to her.

"So you weren't alone in a room with her for two hours?"

"No, that part's true, but nothing happened."

"Then how does she know about your scar?"

"I don't know. A million ways, it's not a state secret Liv. Look I made an excuse to go to a back room and we were in there and we just talked."

Olivia let a breath out and she closed her eyes, leaning her head back on her head rest. "Okay." She didn't know why this was such a big thing with her, maybe she was a jealous person, maybe she was too invested in the job. She believed Brain with everything she had, and this whole thing was killing her. She couldn't imagine what was going on inside his head.

"Ok… what? So you do believe me?"

"Of course I do," she said back and she let out a sigh. "Bry, I'm sorry I'm just trying to figure out what the hell is going on. My boyfriend is being accused of rape, I know he's innocent, but every fiber of my being is screaming at me because I'm going against my instincts of always believing the victim. But I know in my heart that you didn't do this."

Brian looked at her. "Look, Liv, I'm sorry that this is happening and that you have to go against your instincts but I'm stuck here."

She rolled her eyes. "Did you not hear a damned word I just said? I don't blame you Bry, I know you didn't do it; I'm trying to get the whole story. You can be mad at me all you want, I'm doing my best here. I'm only human."

Brian let out a breath. "You're right. Liv, I'm sorry, I'm just on edge. I'm mad, but not at you, I had no right to take my anger out on you."

Olivia took a deep breath and took his hand. "I'm sorry too. I sounded accusatory and I shouldn't have," she looked into his eyes. "Bry, we're going to get through this," she whispered, gently kissed him.

He gently caressed her hand with his thumb and broke the kiss gently. "I think I need you with me tonight."

She smiled and kissed his cheek. "You got it, baby. Come on, let's head back to the house. We'll have a night in. Movies. Junk food. Everything."

He smiled, "Sounds good, Pancakes."

They drove back to his apartment and had a quiet night in, watching movies, eating all the junk food they could find, and just holding each other. They needed this. They needed to know that they had each other, because chances were that things were going to get ugly at trial, and they needed to be there for each other to get through this with their relationship intact.

Things did get pretty ugly. Querns dug up dirt on Amaro and presented it in open court. That he had a sexual relationship with the sister of his target when he was undercover. They later came to find out that he had another child with the woman. They blamed Brian for it. Querns also wanted to concede that Brian had in fact had sex with the woman in question, but Brian wouldn't have it. He wouldn't admit to something he didn't do.

Olivia knocked on his door the next day and explained to him that they weren't happy with the way he ambushed Amaro. With everything going on it was hard to keep perspective. When Olivia told him about Nick's son he took a deep breath and knew what he had to do. He had to offer the proverbial olive branch and play nice. Maybe they could help each other out. Nick could get the scum drug dealer out of his son's life, and the truth could come out about Cassidy, and how nothing happened in that room.

And that's just what they did. They set up a sting so the drug dealer would get caught with enough drugs on him to pop him for possession with intent to sell, and they managed to get Bobby Navarro to admit that the whole case against Cassidy was a scam. That was it. Cassidy was a free man. He walked out of the courthouse with Olivia behind him. "I knew we'd beat this."

"Yeah, so I can spend the rest of my life working nights at a Bronx courthouse? Nah, I think I'll put in my twenty and retire. Once accused, always under suspicion. Even from you."

"Me? What are you talking about," she asked, seeing him walk away. She was afraid of this. "What, so we're over now?" She felt the lump form in her throat. She couldn't stand one more heartbreak, from another man who promised he'd never leave. She was done having people make promises to her that they couldn't keep, or had no intention of keeping. She was done with being used for sex and a good time.

He sighed and turned around. "I don't know, you want to go grab a drink and NOT talk about it?" Brian just needed to forget all of this was happening. Forget all of this happened. He managed to walk away vindicated, a free man, and he still had his girlfriend. He had everything he needed right in front of him, and he was glad he wasn't stupid enough to let her go… Again.

She smiled and walked over to him and took his hand, walking to her car and driving to the bar with him. Tonight, they would get a little drunk, have some rough sex to get the agitation out, the anger out. They bit each other, he pulled her hair, she scratched his back, leaving angry red marks and they both climaxed together. That was just what they needed because the next morning, though they may have been a little hungover, they were right back to saying "I love you," because at the end of the day, they did love each other. And they both realized that they always had. This is what it meant to find your soulmate.

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**A/N: Thanks for reading! And thank you thank you thank you to my loyal readers who have given me amazing compliments the past few days! It definitely helps me get things done so I know you guys have what you want! Next up; Olivia meets "The Beast"**


	8. Then It All Went Wrong

**A/N: Another big thank you to Liv Cassidy for being such an awesome beta! **

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A few more months passed. The cases came and went; days off spent together came and went. Their relationship was still as strong as ever, if not stronger. They made it through a rough patch in their relationship, the stresses of the job weighing heavy on their minds, but they survived. They knew now that they could survive the fights, whatever was thrown at them, and they would come out together. All that mattered was that they had each other, that they loved each other, and that they would do anything for each other. That was what counted.

They had their usual Sunday morning routine, regardless of whose house they spent the night at, they would wake up, have coffee and a light breakfast, read the paper, then head to Central Park to watch the roller skaters. They laughed and talked all morning, grabbed lunch on the way back to whichever apartment they happened to be on their way back to and spent the rest of the day watching sports. Well, Brian watched sports. Olivia happily snuggled into him and listened to his commentary. She loved him so much she didn't care that she was missing _The Rachel Maddow Show_, or the Lifetime Movie of the Week, or _Pitbulls ad Parolees_; she just cared that she was with the man she loved.

Today, though, she wanted to switch it up a little. She wanted a little culture in her life. She wanted more than fresh air and sports. She wanted a champagne brunch and to visit the Whitney art gallery, so she gave it a shot. She was lying on her couch as Brian showered, one knee up, her other leg crossed over it, leaning her magazine there to read. She called out to him, "Hey, Bry, there's an exhibit of the Plein Air Painters at the Whitney. What do you say we head uptown and grab some brunch? Sound good?" She asked with a smile, looking over at him, as he had just emerged from the bedroom.

He looked at her, then behind him, and back to her. "A museum? Are you talking to me?"

She rolled her eyes. "I'll take that as a no," she said as she sat up, changing her position to get comfortable, resting her elbow on the back of the couch and her head on her hand. She looked at him as he walked around the couch. "So, another Sunday, watching rollerbladers in the park, I thought maybe we could switch it up," she said with a small smile.

He popped a piece of muffin in his mouth and smiled. "We will… next Sunday," he smirked and leaned down and kissed her head.

She had a small smile on her face, and her eyes closed as he kissed her forehead. She shook her head and rolled her eyes again. "Who's playing today?" she asked, knowing how crazy he was about his baseball.

"Mets and Diamondbacks, home game."

She smiled. "So we're grabbing lunch at the sports bar."

"You know me too well."

She took a deep breath. "Well, you enjoy your breakfast, I'm going to take a nice, long, hot shower," she said as she stood up, whispering the last part in his ear.

"You're so mean."

"Mean would be being loud enough for you to hear," she winked, knowing she was teasing him. She would get his attention this morning, one way or another.

"Without me?" he asked with a pout.

"It is baseball season, love. You need all your strength to root, root, root, for the home team," she sassed.

"Screw that."

She smiled. "So you can screw this?" she asked as she unzipped her sweatshirt and took off her top, looking at him as she walked into the bathroom. He realized he was standing, staring at her. "You going to join me, or stand there staring at me all day long?" she asked, biting her lip, slowing down, seeing him rushing to her. She wrapped her arms around him and giggled as he picked her up. She wrapped her legs around him and kissed him passionately, gently running her fingers through his hair, softly scratching his scalp. She felt him kissing her back, supporting her in his strong arms. He walked them into the bathroom and set her down to finish undressing her. She slipped his robe off, then his boxers, while he went to work on her pants and panties, the whole time never breaking the kiss. After a few more moments she broke the kiss, her chest heaving. She faced the shower, turning it on, and setting the temperature.

Brian smiled, and once the water was on he turned her back around and pushed her against the wall gently, kissing her again, taking her hands in his and lifting them over her head, pinning them to the wall. He heard her moan and he smirked, breaking the kiss and starting to kiss her neck and her chest. She gasped, and with that he picked her up again, wrapping her legs around his waist. She felt him move, supporting her back so she didn't fall as he stepped into the shower, making sure that her back was against the wall. The way they were positioned he was in alignment with where he needed to be to thrust into her. He wanted to know how she wanted it, because he personally didn't care, he just needed her. He broke the kiss, moving his lips over to her ear and whispered, "How do you want it, baby? Tell me how you want it."

She heard his words and her eyes rolled back into her head. Even just his words had the power to have her knees give out, and light a fire inside her. "I need you, now. Hard, fast. God, please, baby," she moaned, needing to feel him inside of her. She felt him thrust into her and she gasped and let out a loud moan, her head falling against the tile with a thud. "Shit, Bry."

He felt her grip him and he moaned. No matter how many times they had sex, rough or not she was still tight. He loved the way he fit perfectly inside her, like a glove. Stretching wasn't necessary; they just fit each other from day one. He started to move faster and harder, getting as deep as he could. He felt her moving with him, he heard her moans, her screams of pleasure, and the profanities that went with. He moaned and said her name as if it was a prayer being lifted to the heavens. He captured her lips again and kept moving as he bit at her bottom lip, and anywhere else he could possibly reach as he was inside of her.

Her back arched, her hand moved to the back of his head as her hips moved with him, in perfect sync. She was ready to fall over the edge, but she wanted to fall with him. She needed to fall with him. She kept moving as she let out a moan. "God, baby, I'm gonna come!"

He smirked, feeling ready himself, he leaned in and whispered in her ear. "Come for me baby, let me hear you." He started rubbing her clit, wanting her to have an incredible release.

She gasped and bit her bottom lip, moaning loudly as she fell over the edge, feeling him cum inside her only prolonged her orgasm, and she loved it. She finished, closing her eyes, her entire body was tingling. "Mmmm."

He smirked and kissed her neck and her lips. "Was it good, baby?"

She smiled and looked into his eyes. "God, it was more than good," she whispered and kissed him back, letting her feet fall to the floor of the tub. She smiled and ran her hands over his shoulders. "Mmm. I needed that."

He smiled and caressed her face. "I think we both did."

She giggled and wrapped her arms around him. "I love you so much."

He smiled. "I love you too, baby." She looked up at him and kissed him. She rested her head on his chest, her eyes closed, as they let the warm water wash over their bodies. He rubbed her back, holding her against his body. Times like this he wished he could savor for the rest of his life, that they didn't need to go anywhere, and they could just be. They fit so perfectly together, in each other's arms, it was like they were literally made to be together, like they were the missing piece to the other's puzzle.

She looked up at him and smiled gently. "We should probably get moving, if we want to make it to the sports bar in time for the game."

He looked at her. "How about we hang out here for a while, we'll head over to the sports bar in a little bit. I just want to hold you in my arms this morning; I could care less about watching people on skates."

She smiled and kissed his lips softly. "I knew I loved you for a reason."

He kissed her nose and smiled. "Come on, let's lie in bed and just relax for a bit, I'll rub your back if you'd like that."

She smiled and turned off the water and stepped out, grabbing two towels, handing him one and keeping one for herself. "Come on, let's go." She led him to the bed. He lay down and she lay on top of him, they were in the same position they were in while they were in the shower, but they were lying down. Brian rubbed her back and kissed the top of her head as her head rested on his chest. She let out a contented sigh and closed her eyes. This was paradise. This was bliss.

After a few hours they got up and got dressed, and headed off to the sports bar. They sat at the bar, watching the game. Olivia wasn't very interested in it, but this is what made Brian happy, and that made her happy, even if she couldn't tell you the names of anyone on the teams, or what position they played, or what their statistics were. She munched on the wings they ordered and stuck to drinking water. It was still too early for her to be drinking beer, or anything stronger for that matter. The only thing she would drink this early was champagne, and only when it was for something special. She realized that the game would be over soon, which meant they could go back to either apartment and just be together.

Just then, her phone rang. She looked at it, seeing Rollins's name come up on her screen. She answered it. "Amanda? Everything okay?"

"Hey Liv, I know it's our day off but I think I need you to come in. I caught a case while I was in the park and I just have a hunch."

Olivia let out a breath and squeezed the bridge of her nose. "Um, okay. I'll be there as soon as I can," she sighed and nodded. "Thanks Amanda." She hung up and she groaned. She stood up and slipped her arms around Brian's waist. "I got called into work."

"I thought you were off today?"

She rolled her eyes. "I was supposed to be. Amanda called, she caught a case while she was in the park and she said something about a hunch. Aren't you glad we weren't the ones in the park today?"

He smiled. "I enjoyed what we did much more."

She shook her head. "You're a piece of work," she laughed and kissed his lips. "I have to go. I love you."

He smiled. "I love you too. Call me when you get a free minute."

She smiled. "I promise," she whispered and kissed him again, grabbing her things and heading home to grab her car, and then driving to the precinct, arriving at the same time as her partner. She looked at him, "Rollins does know it's the weekend, right?"

Nick noticed that Brian wasn't with her. "Now, what'd you do, tie Cassidy to a No Parking sign? He can come in you know."

She chuckled. "Oh, I think he's happy. I left him at a sports bar, watching the Mets game, Matt Harvey, working on a perfect game." They got on the sidewalk where they saw Fin and Cragen getting out of a taxi.

"Wow, she called you all in too? Rollins is out of control," Fin said.

"Hey, she's your partner," Nick countered.

"No, it's fine, only six innings into a perfect game," Cragen stated.

"Uh, eight," Olivia corrected.

"Even better," Cragen replied.

They all walked into the squad room together to meet with Rollins only to find out that she called them all in on a lewdness misdemeanor. Needless to say that none of them were happy, even as she explained herself, they reluctantly took statements and took turns taking a crack at the perp. By the end of the afternoon, they all understood Rollins's hunch. There was definitely something going on with this guy, and as much as they wanted to keep him as long as they could because they all felt that as soon as he was back out on the streets, he would strike. But, because they couldn't run his prints, they had no record. They had no record and nothing to keep him on and therefore no reason to keep him. A lewdness misdemeanor would be two days in jail at the most, and a fine at the least.

As soon as they let him go, Olivia got a bad feeling in the pit of her stomach. She didn't know just how bad it was going to get. She had no idea what this guy was capable of, and she had no idea how engrossed in this case she would truly get. She had no idea that the photographer who came in as witness to his lewdness charge would be his next victim, and she had no idea how sick this man really was. He tortured an elderly woman for eighteen hours, and by the time the police arrived it had been hours since he left. Her apartment smelt of burnt flesh, blood, hot metal, all mixing together. It was something one would expect from a place like Gitmo, but not something anyone would expect from a man who was living in a civilized society would do to another person without damn good reason.

Just two days after Alice was found and started her journey of healing and recovery from the rape and torture she endured under the hand of Lewis, she was found dead in her apartment. She had a heart attack. They couldn't pin that on him, even though the stress of what she endured was most likely what caused it, they couldn't prove it. They tried their hardest to get a conviction against him for the rape and torture of Alice Parker, even if they couldn't get a murder charge, but without a victim it was nearly impossible. And sure enough, the judge threw the case out after a lab error that could have caused cross contamination. With no evidence, and no living victim to testify against Lewis, there was a slim chance he would be re-tried. There was nothing more they could do, they had to wait for him to strike again, as much as they all hated it.

Nick asked if Olivia wanted to talk, and she declined. She hadn't been home since this case started. She didn't want to go home. Brian wasn't there. She needed him with her tonight, and he was working. She hated this. And to make it worse, Cragen told her to stay home, for two days. He knew she needed to take care of herself. She sighed. She was planning on staying in the cribs until she could be with Brian tomorrow night. She really didn't feel safe with Lewis out on the streets. God only knows what he would do next, and who his next target would be.

Little did she know, he was her next target, and he was already at her apartment, waiting for her. William Lewis was a sociopath, and a psychopath. His actions were careful and deliberate, he felt no remorse for any of his victims, and even he wasn't exactly sure why it was he did what he did. Maybe it was out of boredom, maybe it was because he just wanted to see how many people he could break, like pulling the wings off a butterfly. He wanted to see how the human psyche worked, and how different people were willing to fight, use everything they have, and how others were so willing to just give in to what he wanted. He was going to find out just hard this detective was willing to fight to stay alive.

Olivia stopped at a market down the street before heading home, getting something to make herself for dinner so she wasn't ordering take out… Again. She walked into her apartment and set her things down on the counter. She heard a noise and she turned around. "Hello?" she called out, walking slowly towards the source of the noise. She didn't draw her gun because she left it at the station. She wasn't going to be there for two days, she had no reason to bring her gun with her, and before she knew it she had a gun aimed at her head.

"Welcome home, Detective Benson," Lewis said with a smile on his face, he ran the gun over her cheek, he saw her stance get stiff, her face turn to one of terror as she tried to get her face away from the gun. He moved closer to her, then behind her. He grabbed her, his hand over her mouth so she didn't make a sound and dragged her down.

She bit his hand, and when he moved it she screamed, only to receive a slap to the face. She looked up at him. "You're never going to get away with this."

He laughed. "You seem to have forgotten how my last trial ended." She felt a sinking feeling in her stomach, and then she saw the duct tape come out. "Enough talking." He took a stretch of tape and placed it over her mouth. He got her up and put her in a chair, taping her wrists and knees so she couldn't move. He caressed her face and smiled. "There, that's just how I like my women, quiet, and bound,"

She closed her eyes, feeling his hand on her face made her feel sick. She wished with everything she had in her that Brian were here. That she could call someone, that anyone was here. She knew it would be a long time before people found out what was going on, and until them it was her and Lewis, but she was determined to fight. Just then she heard her phone ring. She opened her eyes to see Lewis go back to the kitchen to get her phone.

He held it in front of her, so she could see it. "Who is it?" She glared at him, he took the duct tape off her mouth and she spit at him, she received a blow to his face, thanks to his gun. She looked back up at him, still saying silent. "Who. Is it?" he said, his voice growing cold.

She looked into his eyes and she shook her head, her mouth staying cold. She wouldn't put the man she loved in danger. No way. She wasn't going to get him involved in this, she didn't want him to see her this way. She took a deep breath and let it out, knowing what Lewis was capable of, and that he would start proving it to her any second.

"Don't want to tell me?" He asked, throwing her phone on the floor and stepping on it. "I don't like interruptions." He pulled out a pack of cigarettes and lit one up. She could smell the smoke and she started coughing. She smoked when she was a teenager, everyone smoked when she was a teenager, but she quit in her early twenties. She saw the cigarette coming closer to her and she closed her eyes, earning a slap from Lewis. "Oh no, your eyes stay open." She felt him move her shirt and she bit her bottom lip as the cigarette made contact with her collarbone. She clenched her fists behind her and struggled not to scream, but she wouldn't give him the satisfaction. "Oh, you like being burned, huh? We're going to have a lot of fun here." He started to laugh and then he left the room.

She didn't know where he went, but she didn't care. She closed her eyes and let out a breath, trying to stop her shoulder from burning. She tried getting her hands free, she had to figure out a way to get out of here. She needed a way that she could fight against him. "Come on," she whispered, smelling metal starting to burn. No, God no. He was going to brand her just like he did to Alice. She prepared herself for what was to come.

He came back in and took the tape off her knees and hands, starting to take off her clothes. She looked up at the ceiling, trying to fight the tears that were welling up in her eyes. She could not and would not give him the satisfaction of knowing that he made her cry. He led her back to the living room and pushed her on the couch. He went back and reheated the hanger and walked back to the couch, pressing the hot metal to her lower abdomen. She rested her fist on her forehead, finding it harder and harder to not scream, to not cry.

He smirked and stood up, looming over her. "We should hit the road. We can't have all the fun here, too messy." She swallowed hard. Her entire body was shaking. "Get dressed." He said, throwing her clothes back to her. She did as she was told and stood up looking at him. "Good, now come on." He grabbed her and started moving. She wasn't quite steady on her feet yet and her ankle twisted, that was it. She screamed. She caught up to him, walking with a limp.

She looked at him. "Where are you taking me?"

He smirked. "That's for me to know, and all your little cop friends to find out."

She took a deep breath and followed him. She knew she had to do what he wanted. She needed to stay alive, no matter what it took.

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**A/N: Thanks for reading! Review here or on Twitter SVUConnoissuer. Next chapter will go deeper into what Lewis does to her and then her rescue. So who will #SaveBenson? You'll find out soon enough. Also, 50 Shades is on hold until I get at least the next chapter of this up, as I want to get past the premiere on here BEFORE the premiere actually airs, so I can compare how sick, demented, and twisted I am to the level of the Writers. Hopefully, I'm not NEARLY as sick... then again, I may be worse. Oops.**


	9. Trying to Survive

**A/N: Ok, here's the rest of the bad... and the Rescue! Thank you Liv Cassidy, for being an awesome Beta!**

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Lewis took Olivia out to her car, tying her hands behind her back, and tying her legs together. He drove to a liquor store down the block and bought a few Five Krazies, and a bottle of cheap tequila. He walked back out and opened her door. "Open your mouth, Detective."

She looked at him, her body still shaking. She opened her mouth and tasted the tequila. She swallowed it and made a face. She felt the burn from the tequila in her esophagus. She looked at him, hate in her eyes. "Are we going to stay outside this liquor store all night?" she asked, instantly wishing she hadn't said it. She felt him slap her. Her head moved with the slap and stayed there, moving her jaw, looking back at him. She felt him pour the alcohol on her, which burned the burns on her skin. She whimpered and bit her bottom lip, trying to keep herself from crying.

Lewis slammed her door shut, and Olivia jumped. He climbed in the driver's side and drove out to Long Island. He pulled up to a deserted house, got out and got Olivia out, untied her legs, and walked her inside. She limped, as her ankle was throbbing, but she knew Lewis didn't care. He sat her in a chair and tied her there so she couldn't move. He got the alcohol out of the car, and forced her to drink more of it. She coughed and glared at him, her psyche starting to get beaten down, shown by the dazed look in her eyes. She just wanted all of this to be over. She was starting to get tired, already. She wasn't sure how much longer she could stay strong and not let him hear her screams and see her crying. It had taken every bit of willpower she had to not give him the satisfaction so far.

He slapped her, toppling the chair over, landing on the shoulder he'd already burned and she let out an agonizing scream, just as he head hit the floor. He leaned over to look at her and he smirked. "Oh, we're just getting started, sweetheart. You're in for the long haul."

She closed her eyes, trying to fight the years as he hit and kicked her. He kicked her in the stomach where he burned her too and she let out a yelp, like a whipped dog. He stood the chair back up and untied her. After the beating, she had little strength left, so when he untied her from the chair, she didn't even get up, until he grabbed her arm and pulled her up. She winced and whimpered. He threw her down on a bed and she looked at him. He grabbed some rope and took her hands, tying them together and then to the headboard. He smirked at her. "I know what I want. It's coming, baby…"

She swallowed hard and looked at him, she knew that this was going to happen. She had been mentally preparing herself for this since she saw him in her apartment. She felt the tears welling up in her eyes, and spilling over. She was crying now, because she knew what was coming, and it terrified her. She was powerless, she had no way to defend herself, and all she could do now was just let it happen, and hope that her squad was close to finding her, that when she didn't answer Brian went into the squad to talk to her and that she would be rescued soon, before he raped her.

She was expecting him to start to take her clothes off, but he didn't. He shut the light off and left the room. "I'm getting some sleep, saving my strength for tomorrow. Get some sleep, sweet thing." He left the room and she was alone in this dark room that smelled of must and alcohol. And he wanted her to sleep? He was crazier than she thought.

She tried getting her arms untied so she could escape, but the ropes were tied too tight. It was useless. She figured she should use this time to relax, maybe gain some of her strength back. She took a few deep breaths, closing her eyes, trying to get the pain that was coursing through her body to stop. Every inch of her body, including her hair, just hurt. She was sure she had a few broken ribs, her ankle may even be broken at this point, maybe even her wrist and shoulder. She wasn't sure what was broken and what wasn't, all she knew was that she hurt all over. She let herself break down, and she cried. She needed to let it out now so he wouldn't see her, so he didn't get that satisfaction.

Meanwhile, Brian was at the SVU squad room, along with the rest of her squad trying to figure out where she was quickly. Amanda figured out his MO, his pattern, and was sharing it with the rest of them. "When he can he moves them to a safe house, so he can take his time. Once he's there he rapes and tortures them."

Brian was a mess, tears in his eyes. He needed her, he couldn't bear to lose her. "So, he lets them all live."

Amanda took a deep breath, a lump in her throat, tears in her eyes as she spoke in a shaky voice, "No." She bit her bottom lip. She felt so guilty, but she couldn't let that get to her right now. Right now she needed to focus. Right now they needed to find her.

"Well, can we trace her cell phone, his cell phone, credit cards, anything to tell us where they could be?" Brian asked, frantic.

"We got him in the driver's side of Liv's car going over the Throgg's Neck, headed towards the LIE. But, that's the last place we see them. They don't hit any tolls," Nick explained.

"Well, I want you to but a BOLO for Liv's car to every police station on Long Island, tell them this is urgent, we need officers doing drive by's looking for that car. We find the car, we find Liv. Let them know that this is a member of the NYPD, maybe it'll light a fire under their asses," Cragen demanded.

They went on with their tasks, Brian wanting to help in any way he could, but Cragen told him to get a cup of coffee and try to relax in the lounge. "Relax? You want me to relax when there's a sociopath who has my girlfriend and is raping and torturing her as we speak!?"

"Cassidy, take a breath. We got it covered. We'll call you when we find her, I promise."

"I want to be there when you get her. I need to be there."

"We will call you, either go relax in the lounge, or go home, but we don't need you right now."

Brian let out a sigh and nodded. "I mean it. I need to be there when you find her." He turned around and walked out of the office, seeing John. He wiped his eyes and looked at John.

John smiled gently and rested a hand on his shoulder. "We'll find her, Cassidy. I promise."

Brian nodded. "I can't lose her John, I love her more than anything. Please, bring her back to me."

John nodded. "We will."

Brian nodded and walked out of the precinct, going to his mother's house. He couldn't be alone right now. He needed them to find her, if he lost her, he wasn't sure what he'd do.

It was the crack of dawn, Olivia hadn't slept a wink, but she managed to calm down a little. She was still exhausted and just wanted to sleep, but she knew that wasn't an option, as soon as she heard the door open. She heard the safety of a gun click and she felt her breath hitch. The next thing she knew she had a gun in her face. "Ready for all this to be over yet?" Lewis asked.

She took a deep breath, feeling the tears starting to stream down her face even harder than before. He'd tortured her enough, only she was the one that tortured herself, he left her alone all night so that she would play mind games with herself, so every foot fall, every bump, the slightest noise was him coming to rape her and have more fun with her. She shook her head, feeling him hit her with the gun. She let out a scream. She spoke in a weak voice. "I wanna live. Please, I'll do anything." She started crying harder.

"That's my girl." Lewis started to untie her arms. He took her clothes off and looked at her. He sat her up and took her necklace off. "I think I'll be keeping this."

She was naked, she didn't even have her jewelry. She tried to cover herself. She was embarrassed and ashamed. She saw he had scissors in his hand and she no longer had the will or the strength to fight him. He grabbed her hair in his fist, and in one quick motion, cut her hair, throwing it on the floor. He forced her back down and forced her legs open. She was inconsolable now. Her worst night mare was coming true. He started to bite her, he unbuttoned his jeans and started raping her. She looked at the ceiling and bit her bottom lip. It hurt. She wasn't aroused, she was scared. She felt him moving and she let out screams of pain. "Please, stop," she begged, closing her eyes wanting to be somewhere else, anywhere else but here. She wanted Brian to be here. She took a deep breath and thought of him. He was her reason to live. He was what she needed to think of in order to get through this. She just needed to keep her mind on Brian. He kept moving, and with each thrust she got increasingly nauseated and disgusted, and when he finished inside of her she threw up, moving her head to the side so she didn't choke. He got up and left the room. She wrapped herself in the dirty sheets that were now stained with her blood and she cried, lying on her side, covering her face. She'd never felt so dirty in her entire life.

She must have fallen asleep or passed out because the next sounds she heard were sirens, and yelling outside. She hoped that it was her squad, there to rescue her, but at that point she figured that it was a domestic disturbance next door, and that she would be killed in this bed within the next few hours, she blacked out again. She woke up again when she heard voices around her, but she couldn't place them. Her eyes opened and she saw Nick and Amanda standing over her. "Nick? 'Manda?"

Amanda nodded. "We got you Liv. You're gonna be okay. Stay with me. Squeeze my hand."

Olivia tried to squeeze Amanda's hand but she was too weak. "B…Bry?" She managed to get out.

"He's right outside honey, we've got the stretcher comin' in now."

"I want to walk," she said, utterly exhausted.

"Liv, you got a bad ankle—"

"Please."

Amanda nodded and looked at Nick. "Come on, help me get her up. She's got a busted ankle so we're going to need to help her walk too."

Nick and Amanda helped her up, made sure she was wrapped in the sheets and blankets and helped her hobble out of the house. Waiting for her were Fin and Brian. She started to cry when she saw them, but these tears were different tears, these were happy tears. She survived.

Brian ran over and picked her up. She wrapped her arms around him and rested her head on his shoulder. He rushed her to the stretcher and climbed into the ambulance with her. "Stay with me, baby," He whispered, holding her hand as the EMT's worked on her.

She looked over at Brian and held his hand. "I love—" she blacked out again.

She was rushed to the emergency room, where they found that she had internal bleeding from the beating she endured. She was rushed to emergency surgery and the next thing she knew she was waking up in recovery, her leg in a cast and propped up, her arm in a cast as well. She looked to her left and saw Brian in a chair, sleeping. She smiled and gently squeezed his hand seeing him wake up. She smiled. "Hey, baby."

He smiled and stood up and kissed her lips and her forehead. "Thank God you're alright. I thought I lost you."

She looked at him, tears in her eyes. "I never thought I'd see you again. I thought he was going to…"

He put a finger to her lips. "Shh. Don't you dare talk like that."

"Did they get him?"

Brian smiled and caressed her face gently, careful of her wounds. He nodded. "They did. They killed him. He went after them with a weapon and wouldn't back down, they shot him in the heart. Not that they needed another excuse."

She chuckled and winced. "Oh God, I hurt all over," she whispered. She remembered that he raped her. "Did they get a rape kit? Did they give me the morning after pill? He didn't have a condom on." She burst into tears. "God, what if he got me pregnant?

Brian gently ran a hand through her now shorter hair. "Shh, shh shh. They made sure they gave you something to prevent pregnancy, he was sterile anyway."

She let out a breath. "Good, the only man's baby I want growing inside of me ever is yours, Bry." She smiled and pulled him closer and kissed him gently.

She heard someone clear their throats and she looked over and smiled. "Guys." She bit her bottom lip. "I can't thank you all enough. You saved me."

Cragen smiled. "We're just glad you're alive, and safe."

"I'm guessing I'm on desk duty for a while?" she asked him, not thrilled about it.

"No, you are bedridden until you're healed."

She gave a sad smile and nodded. She looked at Amanda, who was obviously and emotional wreck. "Rollins, what's going on?"

"I'm just so glad you're okay. I'm so sorry, this is all my fault. I never should have gotten us all so deep into—"

Olivia put her good hand up. "Don't, Amanda. This is NOT your fault. I don't blame you for anything that happened, I don't want you blaming yourself, you hear me?" Amanda wiped her eyes and nodded. Olivia smiled softly. "Good, now get over here."

Amanda walked over and was given a light hug by Olivia. That meant more to her than she think Olivia realized. Olivia was Amanda's role model and mentor. She wanted to be like Olivia, and getting a hug from her, even after she just survived hell meant the world to her. Amanda hugged her back gently, not wanting to hurt her anymore.

Olivia smiled. "Now listen here, while I'm out I want you looking after the guys. They need at least one bad ass woman to keep them in line."

Amanda smiled and nodded. "You got it, Liv."

Olivia smiled. "You're a good cop, Amanda. Don't ever apologize for doing your job, you hear me?" She saw Amanda nod and she smiled. She looked over at the rest of them and she smiled. "Thank you all. I honestly wasn't sure I'd ever make it out of there. I think a part of me gave up."

Fin smiled. "You're here now, that's all that matters."

She looked around the room, at everyone that was there and she smiled. This was her family, for better or worse. Sure, she didn't know Nick and Amanda for that long, but they proved to be more loyal than Elliot. Fin, Munch, and Cragen were there for her from day one, and Brian was the only man in her life that had never left. "I love you guys," she said softly, with a smile.

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**A/N: Thanks for reading! Review here or on Twitter, SVUConnoisseur. I promise no more hurt after this, and as promised there will be a new family member to the Bensidy family soon. Who will it be? Keep reading to find out!**


	10. New Additions

**A/N: Thanks to my Beta Liv Cassidy for being so awesome and honest with this chapter, so it wasn't too Stepford-y. **

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Olivia wasn't allowed to go home yet. She needed to stay in the hospital for observation because of the surgery she had when she came in. They said that Brian had to leave, but after some fights and Olivia telling them she'd leave AMA if Brian couldn't stay. They finally begrudgingly agreed. Olivia couldn't sleep by herself right now. She wasn't sure she'd be able to sleep with him there either, but the odds were better. Everything was still too fresh.

Brian was lying in her hospital bed with her, her head on his chest, her bad arm around him, his arm around her. They were awake, but Olivia was just in a space right now where she needed to feel safe, and the safest place she could think of was Brian's arms. She was glad that he was here, and that he hadn't run away, because let's face it, she didn't look the way she usually did, the bruises and cuts all over her body. She felt Brian rubbing her back and she let out a contented sigh. She looked up at him and smiled. "I love you," she whispered.

"I love you too, Pancakes," he whispered, gently caressing her face. He saw her smile, and that smile still had the power to light up a room. He saw the bruises, he saw that her hair had been cut, he saw the burns, and the broken limbs, but he saw past that,to Olivia; and to him, she was still the most breathtaking woman he had ever seen in his entire life, and she always would be.

She wrapped her arms around him, squeezing gently, her head buried in the crook of his neck, her eyes closed. Brian rolled off of her and got them back to where they were before. He kissed the top of her head. "I got you, baby. It's okay."

She took a deep breath, fighting the tears. "I just want to feel normal again," she whispered, starting to cry into his chest.

He rubbed her back, holding her as tight as he could without hurting her. "I got you, baby. I'm right here, I'm not leaving," he whispered. "You're safe now."

She curled into him, knowing that he was right. She was safe. She always had been in his arms. She was staring at the wall. "I want to go home. I'm sick of this hospital. It's just a constant reminder of what he did," she whispered.

His heart was breaking. He wanted to take all the pain away, he wanted to go back two days and save her before any of this happened, but the only thing he could do was hold her and try to assure her that she was safe. But seeing her cry, begging to feel normal again, knowing that she had a constant reminder of the hell she had just survived, it killed him. "Soon, baby. Soon," he whispered and kissed the top of her head.

Olivia nodded. "Not soon enough," she whispered. She closed her eyes and tried to get a little sleep at least, she was just utterly exhausted, but the nightmares kept her up. She woke up every few hours, crying and shaking, but Brian woke up with her every time, and helped console her and eased her back to sleep. Knowing that he was there for her helped her a lot, she wasn't sure what she would do without him, and she didn't even want to think about it.

The next day Olivia was sent home. She stayed at Brian's apartment; he went to her apartment to get clothes for her. She didn't want to be anywhere near her apartment. Brian brought her back a bag of clothes, make-up, and her shower stuff. She looked up at him when he came back and she smiled. "Thank you, love."

He smiled and kissed her. "Any time, you need anything?"

She kissed him back quickly, but pulled away. She was still trying to push through these things, but she missed kissing him. She gave a sad smile and spoke softly. "A lift to the bathroom would help. It's time for my bird bath."

He smiled and picked her up, carrying her into the bathroom, he set her down on the edge of the tub. "Want me to wash your hair?"

Olivia smiled. "Mmm, that sounds perfect," she said and stood on her good leg, her bad leg up. "I may need some help washing some of my body, but… not all of it," she whispered. "Just the left side of my body, so my cast doesn't get wet."

Brian smiled and nodded. "Anything you need, baby."

She smiled. "Where do you want me?" she asked softly.

Brian thought. "Hold on, stay right there." He ran to grab a folding chair and put it in front of the sink. "Sit."

She smiled and sat down, propping her leg up on the tub. He stood to the side of her and turned on the water. He grabbed her bag and took out her shampoo and conditioner. He used a cup to wet her hair, and massaged the shampoo into her scalp. Olivia smiled and let out a contented sigh. "You're too good at this; you may never get out of doing it."

He smirked. "Never want to," he said with a smile. He rinsed her hair then repeated the process with the conditioner.

She smiled. "I'm spoiled," she looked up at him and winked.

"Yes, yes you are, and I'm glad to be the one to spoil you," he caressed her face and kissed her cheek. He saw her flinch and he swallowed a bit. He knew it wasn't him. He just wanted to kiss her again.

Olivia noticed the look in his eyes. "I'm sorry, Bry," she whispered. "It just— I don't know. I wish I could explain it. I miss kissing you for hours on end. I just have this… fear. I feel damaged."

Brian smiled. "I will kiss you whenever you want, for however long you want. And you are not damaged. You're a survivor, but I will wait for you."

She smiled and bit her bottom lip, pulling him close and kissing him softly. She broke the kiss quickly and looked into his eyes. "I… It's all I could manage."

He kissed her forehead. "Lean your head back," he whispered. "I need to rinse your hair."

She smiled and leaned her head back, closing her eyes, feeling the water run over her head, and Brian's hands running through her hair. She smirked and looked at him. She knew he wouldn't push her, and that meant the world to her. She also knew that when she was ready, he would be there with open arms.

He smiled. "You want me to leave you alone so you can wash up?"

She nodded. "Yeah, thanks," she whispered.

He kissed the top of her head one more time. "Any time, Pancakes." He left the bathroom closing the door behind him. She stood up and took off her clothes. She took a washcloth and stated washing her body, closing her eyes as she did. She fought back the tears. What he did to her tore her apart. She hated looking at her own body now. She finished and dried herself off. She put on a tank top and shorts and hobbled out of the bathroom, Brian rushed to her side. "Baby, you should have called me."

She fell and landed in Brian's arms. "I'm just so used to being independent," she whispered, feeling Brian pick her up. He carried her to the couch and sat with her. She looked at him. "I'm sorry, Bry," she whispered, feeling tears running down her face.

He wiped her tears away. "Sorry for what, baby?" he asked, holding her close.

"That I can't do these things for myself; that I have to rely so much on you."

"Oh, baby, don't ever apologize for that. I'm here for you. I'm happy to do whatever I have to in order to help you heal. I'm not going anywhere, I'll be here for you until the day I die, I don't care how long it takes you to heal, baby. You're not getting rid of me that easily."

Olivia sniffled and let out a small laugh. "I love you so much," she kissed him gently, and jumped hearing a knock at the door.

Brian rubbed her back. "It's okay. I got it baby, just breathe." Olivia nodded and closed her eyes, taking deep breaths to calm herself down. He got up and opened the door, seeing his mom there, obviously with tons of food for them. "Ma, what's up?"

Joan smiled. "I know I should have called, but I've been cooking all day to make sure you two had some food so you didn't have to leave Olivia alone." She looked over and saw Olivia on the couch. "Hello, Olivia, dear, how are you feeling?"

Olivia smiled. "Hi, Mrs. Cassidy, I'm hanging in there, thank you."

"Oh, dear, please call me Joan."

Olivia nodded. "Joan. Thank you for bringing the food, it definitely means a lot."

Brian looked at his mom. "Hey, mom, do you have any plans for the rest of the night?"

"Not at all, dear. Why do you ask?"

Brian bit his bottom lip. He had a plan. "Well I have to run out and grab a few things for Liv, prescriptions and such, I don't really want to leave her alone, would you mind hanging out with her for a bit?"

Joan lit up. "Of course not, as long as Olivia doesn't mind."

Olivia smiled brightly. "Not at all, your mom is pretty awesome."

Brian smiled and nodded. "I'll be back soon, I love you," he whispered and kissed her forehead.

She closed her eyes and smiled. "I love you too." She watched him leave and saw Joan putting the food away. She grabbed her crutch and hopped over. "Did you need any help?" She asked with a smile.

"Dear, you should be resting, I've got this. Go relax."

She nodded. "Thank you so much." She hobbled back over to the sofa and sat down, relaxing. Joan walked over when she finished putting things away and sat down next to Olivia. Olivia smiled. "Thank you," she said gently. "For raising your son the right way."

Joan smiled. "Well he was a rebellious teenager, but I did manage to instill some values in him I see."

Olivia shook her head. "He's the only man that's ever told me he loved me and meant it. The only one who promised he wouldn't leave, and hasn't. He means the world to me. I don't know what I'd do if I didn't have him, especially after what just happened."

Joan took her hand. "You're a strong woman, Olivia. He's talked about you for years. I know you've always been a strong woman. You would survive either way."

Olivia shook her head. "I wouldn't have. Brian kept me alive through this. He's the reason I fought so hard. If I didn't have him," she shrugged and felt tears come to her eyes, "I probably would have let him kill me," she whispered and felt tears start to run down her cheeks. She wiped her eyes. "The thought of him got me through the rape, the torture…" she tried to stop crying, but it was futile. "I need him in my life," she whispered.

Joan hugged her gently and kissed her head. "Shh, shh, shh. Don't you think about that; you're safe now." She rubbed Olivia's back gently.

Olivia wiped her eyes again. "Brian gets it from you," she whispered. "That's exactly how he consoles me." The realization made her smile.

Joan squeezed her hand gently. "It's how I consoled him when he was little. I guess some things really do stick."

They laughed together and talked about a ton of different things until Brian got back. He had a bag in one hand and a small gray puppy in his other, with a red bow around its neck. Brian smiled at his mom and his girlfriend. "Not talking anything bad about me I hope."

Olivia smiled. "Nothing I didn't already know." She looked at the puppy in his arms. "And who do we have here?" She asked, taking the puppy from Brian. "Well hello, precious."

Brian handed her a bouquet of roses and held out the necklace that the Beast had stolen from her.

Olivia gasped. "My necklace," she put the puppy on her lap and looked at Brian. "How did you—?"

Brian smiled. "Since they didn't need it for trial, Cragen gave it to me to give back to you. I had it cleaned up." He put it around her neck, and kissed the nape of her neck and rested a hand on her shoulder. "And the precious little puppy's name is Brandy. I saw her at the shelter as I passed it on the way to the pharmacy. Her eyes reminded me of yours. I was hooked."

Olivia looked back at him and shook her head. "You're too incredible for words." She whispered and kissed him softly. Olivia nuzzled the dog and felt something on the bow. "What's thi—" Olivia gasped when she saw it. "Bry what's going on?" She turned to look at him and he was on one knee next to her.

Brian smiled. "Olivia, I've loved you for so long I've lost track, and this past week has shown me that I never want to lose you. Will you marry me and be mine forever?"

Olivia's mouth fell open, and happy tears fell from her face. She smiled and nodded. "Yes. Yes, a million times yes." She whispered and kissed him passionately, that fear from what happened to her was gone. All she felt in that moment was happiness. In that moment, she was herself again. Brandy gently pawed at Olivia, wanting some attention too. Olivia smiled and broke the kiss, petting the puppy again. She smiled.

Joan smiled. "Congratulations you two, and welcome to the family, Olivia."

Olivia smiled. "Thank you."

Joan got up and smiled. "I'll leave you two to celebrate." She let herself out and Brian kissed Olivia again.

Olivia smiled and took the bow off of the baby pitbull's neck and handed the ring to Brian, who slipped it on her hand. She felt Brian's arm around her, and looked at Brandy, curled up in a ball on her lap. She smiled and rested her head against Brian's. "This is perfect," she whispered, kissing Brian one more time.

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**A/N: Thanks for reading! Please review here or on Twitter, SVUConnoisseur! Next up: Olivia's healing begins. Brandy help's her through the process, and wedding planning commences.**


	11. Baby Steps

**A/N: Thanks again to Liv Cassidy for being such an awesome beta! And to Kate L. for the hair cutting bit of this (Used with Permission!) Enjoy...**

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Olivia and Brian shared his bed; he offered to take the couch but she wouldn't have it. She realized that in order to feel safe, she needed to be in Brian's arms. She realized that it was the only place she ever truly felt safe. She wished she would have figured all this out years ago, but she also knew that until now, she wasn't ready. She thought she was mature enough back then, but she really wasn't. She knew that if they did get involved then that they would have broken up. Things happen when they're supposed to happen. Olivia was cuddled into his chest, her bad arm draped across him, and Brandy was nuzzled between them.

Brian felt something wet on his cheek and he groaned. "Mm, Liv, not now, baby." He felt it again. "Liv." He put his hand out and felt something furry. He opened his eyes and smiled at the puppy on his chest. "You hungry, pretty girl?" he asked with a smile, looking over at Olivia who was sleeping soundly next to him. He quietly got up and carried Brandy with him and got her food and water, and made sure that there was a piddle pad on the ground for her, as she wasn't yet house broken.

He walked back into the bedroom to see Olivia sitting up, curled in a ball. He ran to her side and wrapped an arm around her. "What's wrong, baby?" he asked, concerned for her. He could see her tears, he could feel her shaking. She shook her head and fell into him, sobs wracking her body. His arms enveloped her, holding her tight, kissing the top of her head. "I got you, Liv. I'm right here," he whispered. His heart was breaking. He wanted more than anything to take her pain away. He wanted to be able to snap his fingers and take the memories of what that monster did to her.

She took a deep breath. "I can still feel him, Bry. Why can I still feel him?" she asked between sobs, wiping her eyes, trying to calm herself down. She wanted to be normal again. She wanted to be able to sit on the couch and not jump every time there was a knock at the door. She wanted to be able to come home from a long day of work and have a night of passionate love making with her boyfriend again. Instead, she was plagued by the fear of being touched. She was afraid of anything except being held by Brian, and feeling his tender kiss. She knew that he was gone. Lewis. She knew he was dead and that there was no way he could ever hurt her again, and yet he still had this control over her.

Brian lifted her chin and gently wiped her eyes. "Liv, I think it's time you think about going to a counselor. I know you are a strong woman, baby. I know that you want to be able to do this on your own, but there is no shame in reaching out and asking for help. You tell that to women all the time." He gently caressed her face. "Baby, you're stubborn as a mule, and you are awful at taking your own advice. Those are two of the things I love the most about you. But if you don't get help, this is going to eat you alive," he whispered, tears welling up in his own eyes. "I wish I knew what to say to help take your pain away. I wish I could wave a magic wand and take this all away, but I can't. Will you please look into counseling? If not for yourself for me, I'm worried about you. And I need you here with me. I never want to lose you."

Olivia looked into his eyes and she nodded. "You're right, Bry," she whispered. "I'll call a few places in the morning." She smiled and wiped her eyes. She shook her head. "Even what happened at Sealview… I handled it better. I knew my triggers, I handled the PTSD. I didn't have anyone to hold me, to make me feel safe. Now, I have you, and I've never felt safer, but I feel like whenever you leave, he comes back. He comes back and he's on top of me and I feel everything all over again, and I hear him. I feel his breath on my neck." She took another breath and closed her eyes. "I just want him to go away."

Brian pulled her closer and rocked her gently, rubbing her back. "I'm here now. He's never going to get you again. No one will," he said in a shaky voice, trying to fight the tears. He couldn't cry right now. He held her close, never wanting to let her go again. They heard the pitter-patter of little paws as Brandy came back in and jumped up on the bed, laying on Olivia's lap, pawing at her.

Olivia wiped her eyes and let out a small laugh as she picked up the little gray pit bull puppy and nuzzled her. She looked at Brian, seeing tears in his eyes. She wiped the tears away and took his hand in hers. "I'm going to get through this. WE, are going to get through this," she whispered. "I promise." She smiled and placed a few chaste kisses on his lips. She rested her forehead against his and closed her eyes. "I love you. Thank you for still loving me."

Brian pulled back and looked at her like she had ten heads. "Why wouldn't I?"

Olivia let out a sigh. "I'm up every few hours, shaking from nightmares. I'm basically an invalid. I'm totally dependent on you, and it's a lot. Not to mention our intimacy level has gone from whenever we're together down to never. I don't know, I guess a lot of the guys before wouldn't have been able to handle it. I'm not used to unconditional love, Bry," she said gently with a shrug.

"Oh, baby. I know, but I'm going to be here, forever and always no matter what. I'm used to not getting a lot of sleep, and I love getting to take care of you, and though our love life was, and will be, insanely hot, I won't push you. I'll wait however long you need to wait, and when you're comfortable again, I'll be here."

She smiled and hugged him tight, closing her eyes. She truly never had anyone who would truly love her unconditionally like Brian. There was always a condition. In fact, the only times she ever heard the words I love you from men was after sex. She figured that's what love was. It wasn't until Brian came along that she truly learned about love. Love was wanting to be with someone, without feeling an obligation to be with them.

Brian hugged her back and tucked a piece of hair behind her ear, leaning in and whispering softly to her, "I love you, too."

Olivia rested her head on his shoulder. "How did I get lucky enough to find the most perfect man in the entire world?"

Brian rubbed her back and smiled. "Because he got lucky enough to find the most perfect woman." She picked her head off his shoulder and he winked at him.

She shook her head and looked out the window. "Look, Bry. The sun's coming up," she said in a soft voice. They cuddled up in each other's arms and watched the sunrise with Brandy, who was now fast asleep on Olivia's lap. Once the sun was up they lay back down and slept for a few more hours. Once they woke up, Brian went to make breakfast and Olivia made a few calls to get into a rape crisis center. She knew she needed counseling, that she couldn't do this on her own anymore. She just needed someone to point it out to her. She finally found a center that didn't have a six month waiting list, that she could get into right away. She made an appointment for the next day; she got up from the bed and hobbled her way into the bathroom. She looked at herself in the mirror and let out a breath. She didn't like the reflection looking back at her.

Her face was pale, and sunken in slightly, she'd lost weight because she was never really hungry anymore, so she wasn't eating a lot. She had big dark circles under her eyes, partly from the bruises, partly from lack of sleep. She hadn't looked like this in a long time. And her hair, though long, flowing, and luscious, to her it looked dead, listless. She felt tears in her eyes and she gripped onto the counter, more tears coming down her face. She opened the medicine cabinet and took out the scissors. She needed to get the hair off her head. He pulled it. He stroked it. He ruined it.

Just then Brian came walking in, walking over to her. "Baby, what's wrong?"

Her eyes met his in the mirror. "My hair, he ruined it. He pulled it, and stroked it. I need it off of me. I need him off of me," she whispered through gritted teeth, dropping the scissors and covering her face, turning to face him, resting on his chest.

He rubbed her back and took a deep breath and pulled back. "Sit down, I'll cut it for you."

She looked at him. "You can cut hair?"

He shrugged. "Never went to cosmetology school, but I used to help my mom with her hair all the time. It takes a lot to cut and dye and highlight hair, and when you have a little boy and you're a single mom, you do what you can."

Olivia smiled and sat down, her back to him. She took a deep breath and heard the scissors snipping. She trusted him. She wouldn't let any other boyfriend cut her hair. When he was done he put the scissors and put a hand on her shoulder. "Tell me what you think." He helped her stand up and she looked in the mirror.

She touched her hair and smiled, turning around and wrapping her arms around him. "Thank you," she said, pulling away and wiping her eyes. "It's perfect."

He smiled. "It's just how I remember it, from all those years ago. And Liv, baby, you haven't changed a bit. It's like time stopped the moment I laid eyes on you."

She felt herself blush and she rested her hand on his cheek, gently caressing it. She took a deep breath and leaned in and gave him a kiss. It lasted a little longer this time. Her heart raced a little bit, but she wasn't sure if it was fear or love. She was pretty sure it was love. She broke the kiss gently and inhaled gently.

"You okay, Pancakes?"

She gave a small smile and nodded. "I think so." She let out a breath. "I don't know, my heart's racing and my head is spinning, but I don't feel like crying. I want to just smile."

He wrapped an arm around her. "That's a good thing, baby."

Her smile grew and she gave him another gentle kiss. "Baby steps, right?"

He nodded. "Not like how we originally started out," they shared a laugh and a few more kisses. They were careful not to let the kisses get too passionate, as neither one was sure how far was too far for Olivia right now, but at the same time, they wanted to kiss each other. They had always loved each other's kisses, and even the amount of time they had gone without truly kissing one another felt like something was missing. They were a very physical couple, so any physical showing of love meant that they were taking a step in the right direction, a step back to normalcy.

Olivia smiled at him. "We need to start planning the wedding, there's so much to do. But the most important thing is the date."

Brian smiled and nodded. "Have any ideas in mind?"

Olivia felt tears well up in her eyes and she nodded. "May 20." He looked at her a little confused. "It was the day you got shot. The day Lewis kidnapped me. Bastard interrupted our anniversary." She sniffled and wiped her eyes. "It's the day that we fought to live for each other. What better day to get married?"

He kissed her forehead. "That sounds perfect. And he didn't ruin our anniversary. We had the same ending I thought we'd have. Just came about in a different way."

Now it was her turn to be confused. "What in God's name are you talking about. Bry?"

He smiled. "I was going to propose to you," he said gently, caressing her face. He picked her up and carried her into the bedroom. "Granted I had different activities planned for the night, and I wasn't planning on what led up to it, but it turned out the way I wanted it to anyway." He put her on the bed and lay next to her. "But no matter what, I'm just so glad that you're mine."

Olivia curled into him and grinned. "I can't picture being anyone else's." She closed her eyes and let out a contented sigh. "You made breakfast, didn't you?"

He smirked. "I did. You know what I made?"

Olivia chuckled to herself a little. "Lemme guess, pancakes?"

Brian kissed the top of her head. "That I did, my love. That I did."

"I'm kinda hungry."

Brian looked down at her. "And…"

She looked up at him and pouted. "Will you get me some breakfast?" She batted her eyelashes and smiled, seeing him get up.

"You're lucky I love you."

A big grin grew on her face and she nodded. "I know I am. Luckiest woman in the world."

Brian walked over to her and kissed her nose. He then got them both some breakfast. Once they finished Olivia took a deep breath. She took his hand and lay back. He did the same and she looked over at him. "I hate this. I want to be back to how we were before. I want to be able to be rolling around in the sheets with you on our days off. I want to celebrate our engagement; I want to be able to make love to you."

He gently caressed her face. "I know, baby. I want to do all of that too," he whispered.

She shook her head, fighting the tears. "It's bad enough he took the things he did from me, I don't want him to take my entire love life away." She took a deep breath, trying to calm herself down. "After what happened when I was undercover… I couldn't do oral sex. What if I can't ever make love to you again?"

Brian took a deep breath and kissed her temple. "Well, the Olivia Benson I know never liked oral sex to begin with, but she's also a freak between the sheets, something tells me that we'll be making love again at some point, baby. But, if not then we'll learn to live with it."

Olivia looked at him. "You would stay with me, even if I never wanted to have sex again?"

Brian smiled. "Fourteen years ago? Probably not. But today, knowing how much I do truly love you, I would stay with you even if you had one eye, one leg, and one tooth. Because I don't just love your body, I love your heart, and your mind. Baby, that's why I know that you are going to make it through this, because of what's in here," he whispered, placing a hand over her heart, "and in here," he said, gently tapping her temple. "You are a fighter. You know that your purpose here on earth hasn't been fulfilled yet, you're still working your mission."

Olivia furrowed her brow. "Okay, who are you and what in the world have you done with Brian Cassidy?"

He shook his head and laughed. "I guess you've never gotten to see my spiritual side, huh?"

Olivia chuckled and shook her head. "No. Not once. I didn't know you were into all that after life, and life's mission. A calling."

He shrugged. "I wasn't, until a few days ago. Made me stop and think. You were in the hands of a mad man, and I… I had my hands tied. I couldn't do anything. I went to mom's house and she prayed. I just hoped that there was a higher power, a greater being out there that wasn't quite done with you yet, because I still need you in my life."

Olivia felt tears well up in her eyes. "Oh, Bry…" she whispered and kissed him. She wrapped her arms around him and broke the kiss. "Baby, I… I hoped to whatever it is that's out there, whatever power greater than ourselves there is, that I'd survive long enough to look into your eyes and tell you I love you one more time. I got so much more than that." She pulled him into another kiss and broke it gently. "God, I hate him for what he did," she whispered.

He stroked her hair. "So do I."

She shook her head. "I don't want him to win, and I feel like he is."

He gently kissed the burn on her collarbone. "But he's not. You're getting the help you need. You aren't letting him win. You're fighting back."

She smiled softly. "I wouldn't be able to do it without you. I couldn't handle it again."

Her words stuck a knife into his heart, and the word 'again' just twisted it. He just held her close, because he didn't know what else to do. More than anything he wanted to go back to that day at the bar and beg her not to go, so that maybe this never would have happened. "I'm sorry," he whispered.

"Baby, don't. This isn't your fault. There is nothing any of us could do to have prevented this."

"How did you know that's what I was saying sorry for?"

She smiled and looked at him. "I'm in love with you, I can read your mind," she said matter of factly. "It's a woman's sixth sense."

Brian looked at her. "Yeah, then what am I thinking right now."

She thought for a minute and smiled. "This." She kissed him, grabbing his face in her hands. It was forceful, but tender, passionate, and timid all wrapped into one. She wanted him more than anything, but she wasn't ready yet. The feelings were there, but her mind wasn't. His kisses had always been able to drive her mad. Even the first night they spent together. If it hadn't been for that one kiss, none of it would have ever happened. His kisses sparked a fire in her.

He broke the kiss and rubbed her back. "If we do that much longer –"

She nodded, breathless. "I know. I know." She closed her eyes and let out a breath.

They spent the rest of the day hanging out in bed, cuddling with each other and Brandy. Olivia knew that the next day was going to be hard. She knew that having to speak about what he did to her was going to be difficult, but she knew it had to be done, so that she could heal and get her life back.

Brian drove her to the center the next morning. He helped her inside and into her appointment, leaving her with the therapist and waiting in the waiting room for her. He wanted her to be able to talk freely about what happened. He knew if she needed him, she would ask.

Inside, Olivia was speaking to her therapist, going through everything he did, everything he said, even that stupid song he sang while she was in the car. The therapist suggested they try traditional talk therapy, and then EMDR to help her PTSD. He suggested she see a psychiatrist to be put on some sort of anti-anxiety medication, because he could tell that the anxiety was more than affecting her everyday life. She was afraid to do much of anything. She looked at him, wiping her eyes. "Look, I just got engaged, after this happened. We haven't been able to… celebrate, the way we'd like to. Will this help?"

He took a deep breath. "It may, but it may not, in fact it may also decrease your sex drive."

Olivia rolled her eyes. "That's not the problem. I want to make love to my fiancé, I can't. The flashbacks, tactile, visual, auditory, I need them to stop so that I can. I can kiss him, and that's it, and it's driving the both of us, me in particular absolutely bat shit crazy!"

The therapist nodded, his eyebrows raised. "It'll take some work. Not only will you have to use the medication if a flashback gets too bad, or you feel you need one, but you'll need to journal, and use the EMDR so that it can do its job. It's going to take a support system, and if that means talking to someone other than your fiancé about the flashbacks and anything else, then that's what you have to do."

"I can tell Brian anything."

"Would you tell him what it is that triggers you? Will you be able to talk as openly, and candidly about what you went through as you have me?"

Olivia closed her eyes and shook her head. "No."

"And why not?"

"Because I love him too much, I don't want those images in his head. I mean obviously he'll have to know what triggers me, but giving him all the details, about everything that monster did to me?" She shook her head. "I don't want those images in his head. He feels guilty enough because my captain wouldn't let him help them find me." She said softly. "I can see it in his eyes."

"You need to talk to him. If you want your sex life back to the way it was, and from what you've told me it seemed to be a very healthy sex life, you need to talk to him, and tell him what he wants to hear. Relationships, Olivia, are a thing of trust. If you haven't got trust, you haven't got a relationship."

"I do trust Brian. It's me I don't trust. But, I would give anything to be able to feel him touch me again, feel him inside of me."

He nodded. "Well, make an appointment with the psychiatrist, we'll make another appointment for next week, and I want you journaling. Write down whatever it is you feel, whatever it is you need to get off your chest, flashbacks, anything. And find a support system, preferably more than one person. That's a lot for one person to take on."

Olivia nodded and stood up, hobbling her way out on her crutch. She smiled at Brian. "Ready, baby?" she asked gently. He stood up and nodded, kissing her cheek. She closed her eyes and smiled. "Come on, let's grab some lunch."

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**A/N: For those of you who don't know, EMDR stands for Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing. It is a therapy technique used widely with survivors of trauma to help with PTSD and to regain their lives. I wrote this chapter in a way for a reason, being a survivor it IS important for me to tell the story of healing, ups and downs. The times where right after we feel we're okay only to have it all come crashing down. The need to hold onto someone because surely without them you'd never be able to carry on, though deep down inside you wonder if they truly love you, or if it's all just a dream. I didn't focus a lot on Liv's therapy session here because intake appointments are dull, dry, full of paperwork, followed by plenty of Kleenex, tears and snot. It's not something I'm ready as a writer or survivor ready to write, and it's not something I want to focus on in this story in particular. Besides that, I could write Olivia's BioPsychoSocial, but this would be an additional 10,000 words minimum because there is just too much to put in there. So, the next chapter will be more ups and downs for healing, and Olivia reaching out to find a support system.**


	12. Breakdown

**A/N: Thanks to my AWESOME beta, Liv Cassidy for the awesome feed back on this chapter (and for fixing that pesky blue highlight!)**

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Olivia made an appointment with the psychiatrist as she had been instructed by her therapist. She sat in the office, fidgeting as she spoke with him, explaining what her anxieties were. "Whenever there's a knock at the door my heart jumps. When I hear footsteps outside… It's almost to the point where I'm afraid to leave the house."

"And your perpetrator was killed?"

Olivia rolled her eyes and then wiped them. "Yes, that would be why what I'm having is called anxiety, it's not a rational fear. You're a psychiatrist, shouldn't you know this?"

"Olivia, I'm just trying to get all the information."

She let out a breath and closed her eyes. "I'm assuming this is the reason most therapy practice has moved to the social workers? Look, I'm here because I need help; I need something so that I can sit on the couch with my fiancé and not go into a panic attack when I hear a neighbor walking down the hallway. I'm here for anti-anxiety medication for an as needed basis. I'd prefer something that wasn't a benzodiazepine, because as you can see from my history, both of my parents were substance abusers. The fact that I know more about what you do that you actually scares me. So, can we get this over with so I can go home and rest because I am just exhausted?"

He took a deep breath. "I appreciate your situation, but there is no need for hostility."

She scoffed and shook her head. "You… you appreciate my situation? Really? You know what, I don't need the meds. Go scratch." She got up and hobbled out of the office.

The receptionist tried to stop her, "Ma'am you haven't paid your co-pay yet."

She stopped and looked at her. "Look, Patty, or Susie, or Didi, or whatever your name may be, the doctor you're working for is a complete ass, and he won't be getting his co-pay today. Bill my insurance." She looked at Brian. "Come on, baby."

He got up and walked over to her. "Baby, what's wrong?"

She looked at him. "He appreciates my situation but feels I was being unnecessarily hostile, because his bedside manner is disgusting."

Brian walked with her out of the office and looked at her. "What happened?"

Olivia took a deep breath, fighting the tears. "I told him what happened, that I was afraid to even leave the house, and he said, "but your perpetrator is dead." She took a deep breath and shook her head. "I lost it. It's called anxiety for a reason. They aren't rational fears, and I know that but I can't get him out of my head. I made a few snarky remarks, he said he appreciated my situation… I told him to go scratch and walked out."

Brian hugged her gently. "It's okay, baby, come on, let's get something to eat."

She looked at him. "No, do you think I was over reacting? Baby, he had the attention span of a flea, I told him five times that I knew Lewis was dead and I didn't understand it. I told him I just wanted something so I could sit on the couch with you and not freak every time we hear a neighbor walk down the hallway, and all he can say is that he appreciates my situation?"

"Liv, baby, I think he was just being thorough."

"Is it really necessary to be thorough to the point where it just re-traumatizes me? It's not like I was in there for therapy. Psychiatrists don't DO therapy. Social workers do all the therapy now. He had to keep going over everything?"

"He has to weed out the patients who really need the medication versus those who just want to abuse it."

"So that's what I am? I told him I didn't want anything addictive because BOTH of my parents were substance abusers. God, what the hell is going on?"

"Liv, I never said you were. Baby, please calm down."

"Calm down? Calm down? I'll calm down when the bastard learns how to deal with a rape victim on the verge of a nervous breakdown."

"Okay, come on, let's go get something to eat." He wrapped an arm around her.

She batted him away and slapped him. The next thing she knew her hand was stinging and he was holding his cheek. She gasped and covered her mouth. "Oh, baby…" He started to walk away and she tried to chase after him, but because she only had one working leg, it was futile. "Baby, PLEASE!" She felt tears starting to run down her face. "What have I done?" She caught a cab back to his apartment, letting herself in with her key. Brandy was at the door waiting for her and she smiled. "Hello, my puppy." She picked her up and nuzzled her. She walked into the bedroom, changing into one of his old shirts and cuddling up with Brandy, who licked the tears from her face and cuddled into her.

Olivia sniffled, wiping her eyes, looking out the window. She messed up. She always messed up. What was the point of any of this anymore? She was destined to be alone, everyone always left. Everyone but the dog in her arms, and that's only because the dog hadn't gotten to know her yet. She fell asleep after a little while, only to be woken up by an arm wrapping around her. "Bry?" She turned and saw him there. She rolled over and looked into his eyes. "I'm sorry. I don't know what happened. I'm sorry. I understand if you want this back," she whispered, sliding her engagement ring off her finger, sobbing silently.

Brian wiped her eyes and caressed her face, taking the ring, and slipping it back on her finger. "Baby, I'm not going anywhere. Ever. You're stuck with me until the end of time. Just remind me not to get on your bad side again."

Olivia looked at him. "Why would you want to stay with me, I'm obviously damaged. Beyond repair. I hit you."

Brian wiped her tears again and smiled. "I love you. Damaged or not. I love every last bit of you. And yeah, a slap in the face, but I've had worse… besides, that's another one of the things I love about you."

Olivia looked down and she nodded, a small smile on her face. "Bry, I'm scared. I don't know what that was. I don't know why I snapped the way I did." She buried her face in his chest and cried. "I don't want to turn into my mother."

He rubbed her back and soothed her. "I think you may need medication, and that's ok. We'll find you a different psychiatrist, ok? Just don't tell this one to go scratch." He heard her laugh and he smiled. "I've missed that sound."

She looked up at him. "I really am sorry about before. I honestly don't remember a lot. Just my hand stinging. That's what scares me."

Brian nodded. "I think you went a little manic there. You were taking everything to heart, but after what's happened to you, it's no shock. You had your walls up. It's ok. You are going to be ok. And you are nothing like your mother."

Olivia smiled and sniffled. "God, I hate this. I just want to be better."

"Just give it time, Pancakes. It'll happen, but you need to be patient with yourself. How many women have you told that healing takes time?"

She nodded. "I know. I just… I was over what happened to me in Sealview so quickly and with only a little bit of help, I thought this would be similar."

Brian took a deep breath. "Liv, you were never over it. You started healing, but I don't know that you ever finished. And I don't know that you'll ever be 'over' what happened to you."

Olivia smiled gently and looked up at him. "Why did you ever leave SVU? You're wonderful with victims."

Brian took a deep breath. "I let them get to me. I let you get to me."

Olivia nodded. "I forgot. I was a bitch back then."

Brian chuckled. "Yeah, and you have a bitch in you still, but I love you for it." He kissed her gently, smiling into the kiss.

She smiled and broke the kiss. "I'm kinda hungry. Why don't we make something to eat?"

He raised an eyebrow. "And by we, you mean…"

"I'll pick and you heat it up?"

He kissed the top of her head with a chuckle. "Absolutely, baby. What can I get you, my queen?"

She smiled and looked up. "I'm having a craving for your mom's pepper steak."

He nodded. "You got it."

When he came back he had two plates of pepper steak and rice and some soy sauce. She smiled at him and helped him sit down, kissing him gently. "I love you. Thank you for putting up with me, even though I'm damaged and crazy and a ton of other words I can't think of. And thank you for coming back."

"I never left," he said softly.

"You did. After I slapped you. Not that I blame you, but you came back. I wasn't expecting you to."

"You could try and kill me, and I would still come back, because even if I walk away, I'm never leaving."

She smiled and snuggled into him. They ate and Olivia called around to a few other psychiatrists and made an appointment that day, because this was an emergency. She was losing control.

This time, she sat in the office, taking deep breaths, trying to stay calm. She knew that she had to tell her story, again. But this psychiatrist was different. She didn't make Olivia tell it over and over, and she didn't make her feel crazy for still having these panic attacks because someone was walking down the hallway. She didn't make her feel like a lunatic because she was afraid to leave the house.

The therapist wrote her out a prescription for Buspirone for her to begin taking, but because it would take about two weeks, she also gave her a prescription for a low dose of Xanax, and only gave her enough to get through two weeks. "Now, Olivia, I only want you to take the Xanax if you need it while we wait for the Buspirone to kick in, ok?"

Olivia smiled and nodded. "Yeah, thank you so much."

She smiled and nodded. "No problem. I also want to put you on an anti-depressant. A mild one, it'll help you sleep too."

Olivia took a deep breath. "Okay. May I ask which one?"

"Of course, it's called amitriptyline. It's an oldie, but a goodie. It's used mainly for the side effects now, like that it has the quality to make you drowsy. Hopefully it'll get you to sleep through the night. It can help with headaches, IBS, a whole bunch of other things too. Let's make another appointment for a month, see how you're doing then, ok?"

"Yeah, yeah that sounds great. I can't thank you enough. I feel like I may finally be able to get my life back."

"Well, it may not be right away, these things do take time, but, it'll happen. You're a strong woman, and needing a little help along the way is absolutely fine. You're going to get through this."

"With any hope, I'll have worked through these issues sooner rather than later. My fiancé and I haven't gotten to… celebrate… the way we've wanted to. We're a very physical couple, as you know from my history, and it's driving the both of us bonkers."

The therapist chuckled. "When you're ready to try, let's just say the meds won't hinder you at all."

"Wonderful to know."

They shook hands, Olivia walked out of the office with a smile on her face. Brian stood up and smiled. "That's the face I like to see." He walked over to her, wrapping an arm around her and kissing the top of her head.

Olivia closed her eyes and rested her head against his chest. "Dr. Bell, this is my fiancé, Brian. Brian, this is Dr. Bell." They shook hands and smiled. "Thank you again. I'll see you next month."

Dr. Bell nodded. "Wonderful, take care of yourself."

Olivia smiled. "Thanks, you too."

They walked out, picked up Olivia's prescriptions, and then headed home for the night. They cuddled up on the couch with Brandy and watched a movie. She was lying between his legs and she looked up at him. "Kiss me."

Brian looked down at her and smiled. "Gladly," he whispered and leaned down and kissed her, slowly, tenderly. He gently nipped at her bottom lip and ran his hands over her sides.

She let out a soft moan and turned in his arms, laying herself on top of him, resting her head on his chest, feeling him rubbing her back. "I love your kisses." She looked off into space; she wanted to stay like this for the rest of her life. She looked into his eyes and smiled. "I can't wait until we can get back to normal. This is hardly bearable anymore."

Brian smiled and caressed her face. "I know, whenever you're ready, baby, I'll be here."

She smirked. "You better, or I'll have to punish you." She kissed him again, giggling as he sat up, making it so she was straddling him, and he picked her up and carried her to the bedroom. She felt the bed at her back and him on top of her. She broke the kiss and took a deep breath.

"You okay?"

She looked into his eyes and rested her hand on his shoulder and then closed her eyes.

"I'm right here. You're safe."

She nodded and looked into his eyes again. "I'm sorry." She shook her head and covered her face. "I hate this. I can't even feel sexy anymore."

He gently caressed her face, feeling her nuzzle into his hand, and kissed her collarbone. "You are the sexiest woman in the world."

She looked up at him. "I wish these meds had kicked in already, I just want to feel you again. I miss your touch. I miss the way you feel inside me. It kills me because I get so worked up and I can't do anything about it."

Brian kissed the top of her head. "I know, baby."

She looked up at him. "I am the luckiest woman in the world." She rubbed his shoulders, over his chest. "You want to help me wash up?"

He smiled. "Of course." He got off her, and picked her up, carrying her into the bathroom. They went through their usual routine, he washed her hair in the sink, and left her alone to wash the rest of her body.

She called him when she was done so he could bring her back out to the bedroom and they could just relax for the rest of the night. She cuddled next to him on the bed and looked up at him. "I've liked this, getting to spend all day in your arms. A girl could get used to it."

He smiled and kissed her softly. "You should. Even once you're back at work, I still want to be able to come home and hold you every night."

She looked at him. "Are you asking me to move in with you?"

"If you want to, but I totally understand if you aren't ready for that yet."

She smiled and shifted so she was on top of him, and she looked down at him. "Absolutely." She kissed him gently, feeling his hands run up her back. She let out a soft groan and pressed their bodies together, feeling him holding her tighter. She broke the kiss and placed chaste kisses on his jaw bone, and down his neck. "I love you, Bry," she whispered in his ear.

"I love you too, Pancakes."

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**A/N: Thanks for reading, review here or on twitter, SVUConnoisseur! Also, everyone keep your fingers crossed, send good vibes/prayers over my way! Within the next few days, I'll know if the sorority I'm rushing (Delta Zeta!) is going to give me a bid so I can pledge! Thanks in advance!**


	13. Lucky Thirteen

**A/N: Thanks again to Liv Cassidy, my wonderful beta! Shout out to Tia Maria Torres from Villalobos Rescue Center! If you're interested in adopting a Villalobos Pit, or in just helping them out in any way, dog/ is the way to check them out! Also, thank you to those of you who sent positive thoughts on me getting a bid from my sorority, Delta Zeta (ΔΖ). Unfortunately I didn't get a bid this semester, but I'm confident I'll get one in the spring! :)**

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About a month had passed since her attack. Her casts had come off, but she still wore an air cast for her ankle and a brace for her wrist at night. Therapy was going well, and she was beginning to heal. The flashbacks were few and far between, but she still hadn't let Brian see her naked, and they hadn't gotten back into their usual routine of a very active sex life.

Because she was able to move around again, and she could be by herself without having an anxiety attack, Brian started going back to work. Though, told his boss that if Olivia needed him, he needed to leave to be able to get to her. Olivia was still home, still not healed enough to go back to work. She was going to therapy sessions and physical therapy for her ankle and wrist, so she could get back out in the field.

Today, though, Olivia was home, watching talk and cooking shows, shows about dogs, and various and sundry soaps. She wasn't known for her cooking; she never needed to cook. She was always at work, and if she was home she ordered take out, but having Brian's mom cook for them made her want to try to cook something. She knew that once she went back to work it would probably stop again, but while she was home she figured she'd take advantage.

She was curled up on the couch, snuggled with Brandy, watching _Pit Bulls and Parolees_, and talking to Brandy as they watched. "Is that Tia? Yeah," she giggled and kissed the top of her puppy's head. Once the episode was over, she flipped on a cooking show and watched, trying to figure out something she could make Brian for dinner. She was glad he managed to work day shifts now; she needed him at night. She didn't get the flashbacks as much anymore, but she still wanted to feel safe in his arms at night.

She saw Rachael Ray cooking a dinner of meatloaf, mashed potatoes, and peas. She went online, found the recipe, and wrote down a list of what she would need. She grabbed her wallet and kissed Brandy on the head, walking to the bodega down the street from Brian's apartment to get everything she needed. When she came back, she started in the kitchen, following the directions. Luckily, she had just enough time to make everything before Brian got home. As he walked in the door, he smelled something delicious and poked his head in the kitchen, seeing her putting the finishing touches on dinner. She looked up at him and smiled. "Welcome home, baby." She walked over to him and wrapped her arms around him, kissing him gently. "Mm. I missed you."

He smiled and kissed her back, running his hands up her back. "I missed you, too, gorgeous. Did you make dinner?"

She smiled and nodded. "From scratch, with a little help from Rachel Ray."

"Baby, it smells incredible. I never knew you could cook."

She bit her bottom lip. "I do my way around the kitchen a little bit. I've been cooking since I was like, ten, so I'm not awful at it."

He caressed her face gently. "You didn't have to do that. You could have slept all day if you wanted."

She raised an eyebrow at him and crossed her arms. "Well, first of all, this is me we're talking about; you know that I can't sleep all day. Secondly, I know I didn't HAVE to make dinner, but I wanted to. After everything you've done for me in the past month, and everything you've put up with, it was the least I could do."

He smiled and kissed her again, lifting her up onto the empty counter space. He smiled into the kiss, then broke it gently. "You are the best fiancée a guy could ask for. You truly are incredible."

She smiled and looked into his eyes. "We should probably eat dinner, then; I think you're going to enjoy dessert."

He cocked his head and squinted. "What did you get?"

Olivia shrugged and smirked. "You'll have to wait and see, it's a surprise," she whispered against his lips and kissed him again. She pulled him closer and smiled. "I love you," she mumbled against his lips.

He broke the kiss and smiled. "Come on, Pancakes, let's eat."

She hopped off the counter, carefully, so she didn't hurt her ankle again, and brought the plates to the dining room table, sitting them across from each other. "Dinner, my love, is served."

They sat down and ate. "Oh, baby, this is incredible," Brian said, his mouth full.

She smiled and nodded. "Thank Rachael Ray for the recipe."

They finished their dinner in comfortable silence. Brian helped her clean up and walked up behind her, wrapping his arms around her waist, resting his head on her shoulder. "So, what are we having for dessert?"

She smirked and leaned back into him, turning her head and looking to his eyes. She turned in his arms and wrapped her arms around his neck. "Oh, we're having Pancakes for dessert," she winked.

He pulled her into a passionate kiss, holding her tighter. He pulled away and whispered against her lips, "You sure about this, baby?"

She smiled and nodded. "Positive," she whispered. "I need you." She pulled him back into a kiss and giggled, feeling him pick her up and carry her. He set her down on the floor and started running his hands over her body. She broke the kiss and looked into his eyes, her chest heaving. "God, you are so sexy in uni blues, Bry." She ran her hands over his chest, to his pants. She unbuckled his belt and took it off him, unbuttoning his pants and sliding them over his hips. She looked up at him and smirked. "But you're even sexier out of them."

He smirked and pulled her closer. He felt her starting to grind her hips into his. He let out a moan and started to kiss her neck. She closed her eyes and let out a moan. He slipped his hands under her shirt and she gasped. He pulled back and looked at her. "You okay?"

She nodded. "Yeah, it's just been so long since I've felt your hands on my skin. It feels so good, Bry."

He smiled and took her shirt off, over her head. He looked at her and gently touched the two scars on her torso. He saw her hang her head; he put his hand under her chin and looked into her eyes. "You're still the most beautiful woman I have ever seen in my entire life."

She smiled, tears in her eyes. "You think so? You don't think he ruined me?"

Brian caressed her face, wiping away the tears that had fallen. "Not at all, baby. The scars just mean you survived, that you were stronger than what hurt you."

She caressed his face and smiled. "I love you," she whispered. "I love you for loving me, scars, flaws, and all. Make love to me, Bry," she whispered gently, unbuttoning his shirt and pushing it off his shoulders, hearing it hit the floor.

He swept her off her feet and carried her to the bed, laying her down gently. He got on top of her and kissed her gently. He kissed down her body, and slid her yoga pants and panties off her body, then took her bra off. He got on top of her again and looked into her eyes. "You ready?"

She smiled and looked up at him, spreading her legs for him. "God I'm so ready, baby." She felt him push inside of her and she seethed. She wrapped her arms around him, scratching his back. "God, Bry." She pulled herself closer to him. "Baby, please move."

He smiled; he loved knowing that he was the one to drive her wild. He loved hearing her moans. He started moving, a slow and steady pace. Her hips started moving in sync with his, in perfect rhythm. It was just like it used to be, like they had never stopped. They never skipped a beat. He kissed her lips and looked into her eyes. "God, Liv. I love you, baby."

She smiled and returned his kiss and arched her back. She felt his lips on her neck and she gripped the sheets. "Shit, baby." She pulled him into another kiss, her hips still meeting his, thrust for thrust. She broke the kiss and looked into his eyes. "I'm so close, baby. God, fall over the edge with me, baby."

Her moans did it. It threw him over the edge, and the moment she felt him inside her she fell over the edge. They let out loud moans which were profanities, prayers, and each other's names. He fell on top of her and she gasped. They were a tangled mess of limbs, sweat, and sheets. They tried to catch their breath and she looked into his eyes. "I love you so much, baby."

He smiled and brushed the hair from her eyes, gently caressing her face. "I love you, too, Pancakes."

She giggled and wrapped her arms around him. "Thank you," she whispered.

"For what?"

She smiled and bit her bottom lip. "For that, it was like nothing ever happened. I felt normal again, for once."

He looked into her eyes. "You've always been normal, whatever that means. You're so strong, and I'm so glad that I've gotten to be here to help you heal, and I can't wait for what's to come, baby."

She ran her hands over his shoulders, "I'm so glad you asked me to marry you. I still can't believe it sometimes," she whispered, caressing his face, and pulling him into a kiss. She felt his hands move over her sides, following the curves of her body. He rolled so she was on top of him.

He broke the kiss and smiled up at her. "You're so incredibly sexy baby, I can't wait to call you my wife."

She smiled and looked down at him, her hair in her face. "May 20th can't get here fast enough. I just want to be Detective Olivia Cassidy, for the rest of my life."

Brian sat up and looked in her eyes. "Olivia Cassidy has a nice ring to it, no?"

She giggled and leaned in and kissed him. She was straddling him now and the kiss started to get heated. She felt him starting to get hard again, and she started getting aroused. She broke the kiss, her breath heavy, her chest heaving. "I'm ready for round two if you are," she whispered.

He smirked and gripped her hips. "I'm always ready baby." He felt her start to move, and he let out a groan. His hands caressed her sides, gently cupping her breasts as she moved.

She gasped, her head fell back and she let out a moan. "God, Bry!" She looked down at him as she rode him. "God you feel so good," she looked into his eyes and ran her hands over his chest.

He took one of her nipples into his mouth and started to play with her clit. He heard her moaning and felt her moving faster, her walls contracting around him, she was going over the edge, he knew it, and it made him fall over the edge too. "Oh, Liv!"

She moaned and rode out her orgasm, collapsing into his arms, her breath heavy. "God, I forgot how good you feel inside me."

He smiled and kissed her neck. "Mmm. We fit together like a puzzle."

She closed her eyes and rested her head on his chest. "We always have, always will." She picked her head up and smiled. "I love you," she whispered.

He caressed her face, gently running his thumb over her lips. "I love you, too."

She kissed his thumb and smiled. They heard Brandy scratching at the door and she giggled. "I think our four legged baby wants in to cuddle with mommy and daddy."

He smirked and watched her walk to the door to open it, and he heard Brandy run in and hop onto the bed. She walked over to Brian and licked his face. Olivia picked up Brian's uniform shirt and slipped into it, buttoning a few buttons. She sat back down on the bed and smiled when Brandy curled up between them. She smiled and kissed Brian gently.

Brian kissed her back. "Baby, what do you think about… having kids?"

She was stunned, her mouth fell open and she took a deep breath. "I uh… I…"

Brian took her hand and smiled gently. "Baby, when you were talking about Brandy, and you called us mommy and daddy, it just sounded so natural. So perfect."

She looked into his eyes. "I've always wanted to be a mom. But um…I thought about it, I don't know what I'd be passing on. My mom was a hopeless alcoholic until the day she died, my dad was violent and cruel. Who knows how my kid would turn out, and who knows if I'd even be a good mom."

Just then there was a knock on the door. Olivia's brow furrowed and she looked at him. "Who could that be?"

Brian shrugged. "Amaro checking in on you, making sure I haven't driven you off the brink of insanity."

She shook her head and giggled. "He's NOT that bad, baby." She kissed him and got up and walked into the living room and opened the door, shocked at who was there. "Calvin? Sweetie, what's wrong?" She could see the tears that stained his face.

"Mom got picked up again. They wanted to put me in foster care. I told them to take me to the precinct. Detective Munch said you'd be here, Fin drove me over."

Olivia let out a breath. "Oh sweetie, come here." She hugged him tight and closed her eyes. "I thought you were living with your grandparents up in Vermont."

He shrugged. "Mom got clean for a while, got her life back together. But in the end, the heroin always won over me. A little while after I moved back in with mom they got in a car accident. Grandma died, grandpa is now living in a nursing home, he was paralyzed from the impact."

She closed her eyes and hugged him tighter. "It's okay, Calvin. I'm sorry your mom is having a rough time, and I'm so sorry about your grandparents."

Brian heard voices so he put on a pair of boxers and walked out of the bedroom. "Liv, everything okay?"

She turned and looked at him, then looked back at Calvin with a smile. "Calvin, this is Brian, my fiancé. Bry, this is Calvin. You think he could stay with us for a while?"

Brian nodded. "Of course, Calvin, it's nice to meet you. I know it's not a big place, but make yourself at home."

"It's nice to meet you too. And thank you." He hugged Olivia again.

Olivia smiled; she glowed and hugged him back. "Hey, you hungry? We got leftovers from dinner."

Calvin looked up at her. "Yeah, I'm a little hungry."

"I'll make you a plate, sweetie. Bry, can you show him the spare room? You can go put your stuff down and get comfortable."

Brian nodded and wrapped an arm around Calvin's shoulder, showing him the spare room they had made up. "Well, it's not much, it's small, but it's all yours. We can even go out and get some decorations for it if you want."

Calvin put his things down and he smiled. "Thanks, Brian. It's more than I've ever really had."

Brian nodded. "Well, I'll let you get settled. I'm going to go help Olivia, you okay?" He saw Calvin nod and he smiled, walking back to the kitchen. He wrapped his arms around Olivia from behind. "And you said you didn't think you'd be a good mom."

She turned her head and looked at him. "What are you talking about?"

He placed a few chaste kisses on her shoulder and neck. "He came in and you went right back into mom mode."

She turned around and smiled gently. "You think so?"

"Liv, he came in and hugged you and you've been glowing ever since. Baby, you were born to be a mom."

She smiled and rested her head on his chest. "I guess I do want kids." She looked in the direction of the spare bedroom. "He needs stability right now. His mom just got picked up. His dad is in prison for murder, his grandparents…" She shook her head. "He needs someone."

Brian smiled. "He's got two someones right here. What if we adopted him? Give him real stability."

She tilted her head and she smiled. "You would do that? For Calvin?"

He nodded. "He's a good kid, and I can see how happy having him here makes you. I'd love to have him as a son."

Calvin walked out just then. "You really mean that? You're not just saying it to please Olivia?"

Brian walked over to him and smiled. "I don't work that way, buddy. If I didn't want you here you'd know it."

Olivia walked over and stood next to Brian. "He's telling the truth, sweetie. So, what do you think? If you want us to, we'll go down to CPS tomorrow morning and get this started, get it in front of a judge as quick as possible, then no one will be able to take you away again."

Calvin thought for a minute. "What about my mom?"

Olivia walked over to him and sat on a dining room chair in front of him. "If you want us to do this, and you want to see your mom, you can do that whenever you want. I'll take you."

Calvin hugged her. "I want you to. I want to live with you guys. I want to be your son."

She closed her eyes and hugged him tighter. "You got it, sweetie," she whispered, tears in her eyes. She kissed his cheek and smiled. She felt Brian's arms around her and she realized they were around Calvin too. She felt his lips on the top of her head and she smiled. She heard Brandy come out of the bedroom and she pawed at Olivia's legs. She giggled and broke the hug and picked Brandy up. "Oh, you want to meet your new brother, huh?"

Calvin smiled. "Who is this?"

Brian scratched Brandy behind the ear and he smiled. "This is Brandy. This is actually how I proposed to Olivia."

"Isn't it usually a ring that a man gives a woman to propose to her?"

Olivia smiled. "He tied the ring on a bow that he put on Brandy. It was definitely an unexpected and welcomed surprise."

"That is adorable." Olivia smiled up at Brian and kissed him gently, Calvin rolled his eyes. "Guys, I'm going to need to brush my teeth soon, you're so sweet."

Olivia giggled and broke the kiss. "Sorry, sweetie." She got Calvin his dinner and then he took a shower. Once he was done, Olivia got him into bed. She sat on the edge and rubbed his back. "You okay, Calvin?"

He nodded. "I will be."

She smiled and kissed his head. "Get some sleep. Good night." She got up and turned out the light, going to close the door.

"Olivia?" Calvin called.

"Hmm?" She asked, sticking her head back in.

"I love you… like a mom, you know?"

Olivia felt tears sting her eyes and she nodded. "Yeah. I love you too, Calvin." She smiled and closed the door, wiping her eyes and walking over to Brian. Now, where were we?" she whispered and kissed him, giggling as he picked her up and carried her back into the bedroom.

* * *

**A/N: Thanks for reading! Please review, here or on Twitter ( SVUConnoisseur)! Coming up next, family life! :)**


	14. Family Ties

**A/N: Thank you all for the reviews from last chapter! I'm kinda glad that Olivia wound up saving herself last night, but at the same time I kinda wanted things to go a little more like my story here. I think it's the writer in me. ****Anyway, here's the next chapter... Enjoy!**

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Olivia woke up and looked at the clock. It was 8:30, Brian was still asleep. She sat up and kissed him softly and got out of bed, putting on a pair of shorts and a t-shirt she walked out of the bedroom and saw Calvin sitting on the couch, watching TV. She smiled and walked over to him. "Hey, kiddo, you're up early." She sat down next to him.

He looked over at her. "Habit, I guess. I always had to make breakfast for myself."

Olivia smiled and kissed his head. "Well, I will make breakfast for you today. What do you want?"

Calvin shrugged. "Whatever you want to make, I'm not picky."

Olivia hugged him gently. "You sure you're okay?"

Calvin shook his head. "I just don't understand why Mom can never give up the drugs. She tells me all the time she wants to get her head on straight and be there for me, but that only ever lasts a couple weeks."

Olivia took a deep breath. "I know honey, but you have to know that her addiction has nothing to do with you. Honey, she's sick. Addiction is a nasty disease, and it's one that affects each member of the family. Your mom loves you; I know she does, but that addiction… once you're in it, it's nearly impossible to get out of. I know; my mom was an addict too."

Calvin looked at her. "She used heroin too?"

Olivia shook her head. "No, her drug of choice was alcohol. She drank all the time when I was growing up. I don't think I saw her sober until I was in my twenties. She was a mean drunk, and I was the constant reminder of the worst day of her life. She hated me. When she finally got sober, we finally had a real relationship, but that only lasted so long. I wouldn't talk to her when she was drunk. I couldn't. Then one day she got really drunk, and fell down a flight of stairs, and died."

Calvin hugged her and started to cry. She hugged him tight and rubbed his back gently. "It's okay, sweetie. Let it out." She rocked him gently. Her heart was breaking; she hated seeing Calvin this way, but she made sure she was never going to feel like this again. She would make sure that he always had someone to come home and talk to, a shoulder to cry on. She would make sure he had someone to make him breakfast and have fun with. She would make sure he had a mom.

Calvin looked up at her. "You're the closest thing to a mom I've ever had."

Olivia smiled, feeling the tears in her eyes. "We're going to make sure that never changes. Brian and I will do whatever it takes to give you the family you deserve." She wiped the tears away from his eyes and hugged him again. "So, how about I make breakfast and we get ready to head down to CPS and get this whole process started?"

He nodded with a smile. "That sounds good."

Olivia kissed his head again. "How about eggs, bacon, and hash-browns for breakfast?"

Calvin nodded. "Sounds good. I didn't know you could cook."

"That's because last time I was always working. I've taken some time off, well… I had to."

"What happened?"

Olivia took a deep breath. "Um, I was attacked. I'm on my way to getting better, but my ankle and wrist are still weak, so I'm in physical therapy to help strengthen them. I can't hunt down bad guys with a bum ankle and wrist, now can I?"

"Are you really okay?"

Olivia nodded. "Yeah, it's still hard sometimes, but I'm getting there. Brian's helped a lot, plus I have a counselor I see on a regular basis and I'm on some medication to help me too. I'm going to be okay."

Calvin smiled. "Good, 'cause I don't know what I'd do if you turned out like mom too."

"I can promise that won't ever happen."

Olivia made breakfast, brewed some coffee and smiled. "Help yourself Calvin, I'm going to go wake Brian up." She walked into the bedroom and crawled into bed, getting on top of him and kissing him passionately. She felt him start to kiss back, felt his hands on her hips and she smiled, breaking the kiss gently. "Good morning, Sunshine," she whispered against his lips.

He smirked. "Mmm, good morning, sexy." He flipped them over so he was on top of her and she giggled. He started hissing her neck, his hands started to explore her body.

She let out a soft moan and she rested her hand on the back of his head. "Mmm, Bry… Baby, Calvin is in the other room eating breakfast. We can't."

He let out a sigh and kissed her. "You're right. He'd be too suspicious."

Olivia smiled. "Later, love. Later."

He smirked. "Don't be making promises you can't keep, Pancakes."

She bit her bottom lip. "Who says I can't keep that one?" She pulled him in to a kiss and smirked. She nipped at his bottom lip and broke the kiss. "Come on, breakfast is ready. Bacon and eggs."

"You, baby, are a tease."

She smiled and sat up, kissing him again. "But you love me for it."

He kissed her back and ran his hands over her body. "I do, and I may have to tease back."

She raised an eyebrow. "But see, I can tease you all day long, and not have it be obvious. Just brushing against you accidentally, subtle touches, and no one would be any the wiser."

He looked at her. "Is that a threat?"

She kissed him and bit his lip again. "Not at all, it's a promise." She ran her fingers through his hair and gently tugged. "It's going to be a fun day." She winked and pushed him off her and walked out of the bedroom, swaying her hips. She looked at Calvin and smiled. "Hey, sweetie, how was breakfast?"

He smiled up at her. "It was really good. I didn't know you could cook that well."

Olivia sat next to him and gently ran her hand over his head and kissed his head. "How about you hop in the shower and get ready?"

Calvin looked at her. "You just want to make out with Brian."

Olivia smirked. "Listen to you. Is it that obvious?"

Calvin nodded. "A little. It's okay, I'm glad to see you happy."

Olivia smiled. "Go hop in the shower, get ready, we'll be ready when you are." She saw him get up and walk to the bathroom. She got up and walked back into the bedroom and closed the door, taking Brian's hand and pulled him into their bathroom, starting the shower, and shedding her clothes. She stepped in the shower and started kissing Brian, running her hands over his chest. "Mmmm."

Brian broke the kiss and smiled. "Not that I'm not happy, but what's going on?"

"Calvin's getting ready, we need to get ready and be able to make out for as long as possible."

Brian smirked and pressed her against the wall, starting to kiss her neck. He gently bit her neck and she moaned. Her hand shot to the back of his head and she smiled, he smirked and his hands moved down her body, starting to play with her clit.

Olivia moaned, her head falling back and she closed her eyes. "God, baby!" She ran her hands down his chest and took him in her hand, starting to stroke him. They didn't need to have sex, they just needed a release. Their hands found a similar rhythm and they brought each other over the edge quickly. They kissed for a while longer and then they washed each other. They got out and Olivia slipped into a light blue flowered dress and a pair of flats. She blow dried her hair and did her make up. She walked out into the living room to see Brian and Calvin both ready and waiting. "Sorry, boys, wanted to look nice."

"You look really pretty, Olivia."

Brian was awe struck, "Uhm, yeah… what he said."

Olivia smiled and giggled. "Thank you. Thank you both."

Calvin looked at Brian. "Smooth, man. Smooth."

Olivia and Calvin started walking out and he just watched, a smile on his face. That was his woman and she had an arm wrapped around the boy that they had come to love as a son. That was his family, and he couldn't have been more proud. He started walking and caught up with them, taking Olivia's other hand, and they walked out of the house, hand in hand, and hailed a cab to head to the CPS building to get everything started.

* * *

They walked into the CPS building, where a social worker Olivia knew from work approached them. "Detective Benson? Is everything okay? I heard about what happened, I wasn't expecting to see you in here during your leave."

Olivia smiled. "Everything's fine. We just wanted to talk about Calvin here. He was almost put in foster care last night, his mom got picked up again last night, his dad is in jail too and he doesn't have any other family that can take him." She saw the social worker nod and she took a deep breath. "Brian and I want to adopt him."

"Oh, Olivia, that's… that's going to be hard to do. His parents would have to sign over their rights."

Olivia nodded and pulled the social worker aside. "Look, that little boy has been tossed aside his entire life. His mother is a hopeless drug addict. She only stays clean for a few weeks, and she's out on the street using again. His father was never in the picture, and he's now in jail for murder. His grandmother died, his grandfather is paralyzed and in a nursing home. With that kind of history a judge can revoke custody."

"You find a lawyer who is willing to represent Calvin, and a judge to do that, we can get the process rolling."

She nodded. "Can we please just get the paperwork so we can get started; make this as fast as possible?"

She took a deep breath and nodded. "Yeah." She went to the filing cabinet and grabbed a folder out of it. "Just fill that all out, get a judge to revoke the custody rights of the parents and we'll start the adoption process."

Olivia took the folder and she smiled. "Thanks. I owe you one." She turned and walked towards Brian and Calvin and she smiled. "Some paperwork, a few phone calls, a little bit of time, and it'll be settled." She smiled and kissed the top of Calvin's head. She looked up at Brian with a smile. "I know it's not Sunday, but how about we go watch those rollerbladers in the park." She winked.

He smiled and took her hand. "I'd rather check out that art museum."

Calvin looked at the two of them, confused. "Do you guys need a room or…?"

Olivia giggled and pulled Calvin into a hug. She felt Brian's arms around both of them and she closed her eyes and smiled. "I love you. Both of you."

Brian kissed Calvin's head and then Olivia's lips. They didn't realize that the social worker was watching this. It brought a smile to her face. She wished she could find families like Olivia and Brian for all the Calvin's out there. She just knew that this would be an amazing family.

* * *

Olivia, Calvin, and Brian walked through the park, enjoying the fresh air and people watching. They were having family time and they were just enjoying each other's company. Brian sat between Olivia and Calvin on a bench and Olivia rested her head on his shoulder. He put his arm around her and she closed her eyes, feeling the sun on her face, feeling the breeze hitting her face. She let out a contented sigh. "This is perfect, guys."

Brian kissed her head and smiled. "All of our Sundays are going to be like this, Pancakes."

Calvin looked up at them. "This is nice. I think the last time I remember really doing anything as a family was when I was with you, Olivia." He saw her smile. "I… Can I call you guys Mom and Dad?"

Olivia lifted her head off Brian's shoulder, her heart fluttered. She remembered Elliot asking her how long she was going to be playing mom, but she pushed the thought out of her head and reached across Brian, and took Calvin's hand. "Sweetie, you can call us whatever you want." She touched his cheek gently and saw him smile. She checked the time. "I should make those phone calls." She gently kissed Brian's lips and then kissed Calvin's cheek, getting up and walking around to call lawyers and judges, determined to make this happen as soon as humanly possible.

After about fifteen minutes she came back and sat down, a smile on her face. "Luckily, Trevor Langan owed me a favor, and Judge Donnelly said she would gladly listen to our case. She remembers Vivian, so with any luck, between the two of us and Calvin, we'll legally be a family by the end of the week." She said with a smile. She got hugs from both men and she smiled. "What do you say we head back and fill out this paperwork, I'll whip us up some munchies and we can spend the rest of the day watching movies and pigging out?"

Calvin's face lit up. "You mean stuff other than healthy food."

Olivia giggled and she nodded. "I'll make a ton of junk food and we can just all get sugar highs."

"Oh, COOL!" Calvin hugged her tight. "Thanks, Mom."

Olivia's breath hitched and her eyes filled with tears, holding him tight. "You're welcome, sweetie." She kissed his cheek and smiled. She pulled away gently and wiped her eyes.

"You okay?"

She smiled and nodded, tears still falling from her eyes. "You don't know how long I've waited to hear someone call me 'Mom'. And to hear it from a kid as great as you…" She wiped her eyes and shook her head. "There is nothing better than that."

Calvin hugged her again and spoke softly. "I love you."

Olivia gently rubbed his back. "I love you, too, Calvin."

Brian smiled. "And I love both of you!" He kissed Calvin's head and placed a chaste kiss on Olivia's lips, pulling them both into a hug.

* * *

The next few days were filled with a lot of appointments, especially for Olivia. On top of all the appointments with various and sundry people to get the matter of the adoption settled, but she had her counseling appointments and physical therapy appointments, too. But luckily the adoption was settled quickly and by the end of the week, sure enough, the adoption papers were signed and the adoption was final. They left the courthouse and went out for dinner, and spent the rest of the night just hanging out as a family.

It was time for Calvin to head to bed and Olivia walked him into his room. "We're gonna have to decorate this for you." She smiled and got him under the covers, sitting on the bed next to him. "Calvin, I am so proud to call you my son… officially."

He smiled. "I'm lucky to have the best mom in the world." He hugged her and she smiled, hugging him back tightly.

"Alright, bed time, you have school tomorrow. And yes, you HAVE to go." She gently rubbed his back and smiled. "Good night, Calvin. I love you."

Calvin smiled, drifting off to sleep as she rubbed his back. "Love you, too. Night, Mom."

She got up and shut off his light, and walked back into the living room and sat next to Brian on the couch, snuggling into him. "Today was amazing."

He looked down at her and kissed her gently. She kissed him back, smiling against his lips. He broke the kiss. "Well, Mama, this daddy wants to carry you in the bedroom and kiss you all night long."

She smiled and kissed him again. "Hmmm. I think that's doable… Daddy." She kissed his nose and smirked, feeling him picking her up. She giggled and wrapped her arms around him, gently kicking her feet. He laid her down on the bed and she smiled up at him. She bit her bottom lip and ran her hands over his shoulders and his chest, pulling him into a kiss. The kiss was soft and slow. It was loving, tender, and perfect.

Brian smiled and kissed her back, keeping the kiss soft and slow. This kiss wasn't about getting worked up, this wasn't about who was going to rip each other's clothes off first. This kiss was about love, and that's all. He rolled off of her, so they were lying on their sides. He broke the kiss and smiled, resting their foreheads together. "Liv, I don't know when the last time I told you how beautiful you are. Not pretty, or sexy, or hot… Beautiful. Ever since Calvin's been with us, you've gotten even more beautiful than you were before, and I didn't think it was possible. But for the past week you've been absolutely glowing." He gently caressed her face.

She smiled and looked into his eyes. "You know, something about you has changed since Calvin's been here too. Good change… I guess I just never got to see this side of you before, the dad." She shook her head. "I love it. And I love that we're a family, and that we have a kid. Especially that we have Calvin." She snuggled up to him and felt him run his fingers through her hair and she let out a contented sigh. "I love you, Bry."

He smiled and kissed her forehead, gently rubbing her back. "I love you, too, Liv."

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**A/N: Thanks for reading! Please review here or on Twitter SVUConnoisseur! As a side note, I know the adoption was fast, I took a certain artistic liberty with it, as I also couldn't remember EXACTLY how adoptions go down, as I haven't dealt with DCP&P (Formerly DYFS, here in NJ, or CPS in NY) in years in terms of adoption. :) Next up, a bit of a backslide for Olivia, and some more family time!**


	15. Maybe, Baby?

**A/N: Thanks to Liv Cassidy for being the most awesome beta there is! While reading this, remember... a little angst never killed anyone...**

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Olivia woke in the middle of the night in a cold sweat, she shot up and gasped. She had a nightmare, and the flashbacks were back. Her flashbacks weren't just visual, they engaged every sense she had. She looked at Brian, still asleep next to her. She carefully got up and turned on the shower, making it hot. She took her pajamas off and climbed in, letting the water run over her body. She stayed in the shower, curled up on the floor, her knees to her chest. She was crying. When the water ran cold she shut it off and put her robe on. She looked at Brian sleeping. She didn't want to wake him up. She walked into the living room and lay on the couch, covered with a blanket, turning the TV on. She put on _The Golden Girls_ and tried to fall back asleep.

She finally dozed back off about an hour later. What felt like only five minutes later she felt a hand on her arm. She gasped and shot up, and looked at the person who was touching her. "Calvin, sweetie, you okay?"

He nodded. "I heard the TV, I got worried. Are you okay?"

She smiled gently and nodded. "Yeah, yeah, I just had a bad dream."

"About your attack?"

She nodded. "Yeah, unfortunately, but I'm okay. I just need the noise and light to help me feel safe."

"And you didn't want to wake up Dad."

She smiled. "You are so my son," she giggled. "So, how about you and I have a little midnight madness party, cookies and ice cream, a funny movie?"

He looked at her. "What's the catch?"

She shook her head. "No catch, just a little bit of fun. My mom never did it with me, but when I would sleep over my friend's houses their parents would do it, I always told myself I would too when I had kids."

Calvin thought for a minute. "How can I say no to that?"

"Ok, let's go get some junk food and pick out a movie." They giggled and rushed to the kitchen, getting out a box of Chips Ahoy, some Oreos, a carton of ice cream, some spoons and the jar of peanut butter. They went back to the living room and set everything down. "Okay, what movie do you want to watch?"

Calvin looked through and pointed to one. "This one."

"_Grown Ups_? Good choice." Olivia popped the movie in and sat down next to him and they started eating the cookies and ice cream, Olivia putting the peanut butter on her cookies.

"Mom, are you sure you're not pregnant?"

Olivia coughed, took a sip of her soda and looked at him. "Why would you ask that?"

"You're putting peanut butter on your cookies, the Chips Ahoy AND the Oreos."

She furrowed her brow. "Yeah… it's really good." She saw him shake his head and she giggled. "What? Calvin, if me putting peanut butter on my cookies makes me pregnant then I've been pregnant longer than you've been alive, my dear. Now, if I start putting peanut butter on my pickles, then we'll have to worry."

"Why would we have to worry? You being pregnant would be a good thing."

Olivia smiled and pulled him into a hug. "You're right, kiddo."

They kept watching the movie and laughing and talking, and Brian walked out of the bedroom. "You guys do realize it's five in the morning right?"

Olivia smiled at him. "Yeah, but I got woken up by a nightmare, and Calvin got woken up by the TV being on so I could try to get back to sleep, so we decided to have a midnight madness party."

"And you didn't invite me?"

Olivia got up and walked over to him, wrapping her arms around him, "I didn't want to wake you up, baby."

Brian kissed her gently. "It's okay, I forgive you. As long as you share some of the leftover food with me."

She smiled. "You betcha." They walked back over to the couch and started watching the movie again. Olivia put some more peanut butter on a cookie and saw both Calvin and Brian staring at her. "What?" she asked, her mouth full of cookies and peanut butter.

"Babe, peanut butter and cookies, are you trying to tell us something?"

Calvin smiled. "That's what I said!"

Olivia rolled her eyes. "First of all, I doubt that I am. Secondly, it's really good, and you all should try it before you mock it; thank you very much."

Brian looked at her. "You may not think you are, but what if you are? I mean, before your attack we were pretty—"

Olivia gently smacked his thigh. "Don't you dare finish that thought."

Brian looked at her. "It's entirely possible."

Olivia took a deep breath. "They would have found it at the hospital."

"Not if they didn't do a pregnancy test."

Olivia looked at the two of them. "Alright, I'll go out and get a test tomorrow; I'll take it when I get home from all of my appointments."

Brian kissed her forehead and she smiled, closing her eyes. "I hope you are."

Calvin nodded. "Me too! I'd love a brother or sister!"

Olivia smiled and looked at the two of them. "All I'm saying is don't get your hopes up. I'm old. It's highly unlikely."

"Well, are you regular?" Calvin asked.

Olivia was stunned. "Um, no… No I'm not, but I'm also ninety-nine percent positive I'm going through menopause."

"So there is still that one percent…. And you know you want to be pregnant. I mean, I'm happy you guys adopted me, but I know you've always wanted to be pregnant."

Olivia took a deep breath. "I guess I'm just trying not to get my hopes up. It's happened before and I was always let down. I don't know that I could bear that heartbreak again."

"We have enough cookies, peanut butter, and ice cream," Calvin said with a smile.

Olivia giggled and kissed the top of his head. "That we do, sweetie. That we do."

Once the movie was over Calvin went back to bed and Brian walked hand in hand with Olivia back to the bedroom. She cuddled up next to him and closed her eyes.

Brain gently stroked her arm. "Baby, how come you didn't wake me up when you had that nightmare?"

Olivia let out a sigh. She shook her head. "I didn't want to bother you. You have work tomorrow, you need your rest."

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"Not particularly, no."

"Are you ever going to talk to me about what happened?"

She sat up and looked at him. "I don't want those images in your head, Bri. It's bad enough I have them in mine. You don't need them in yours too."

"Baby, talk to me, please, you don't need to be the only one who knows what happened. How am I going to help you if I don't know?"

"Bri, I'm fine."

"No, you're not, Liv. You're back to sleeping on the couch with the TV on."

"I had a nightmare, it isn't so uncommon."

"But it was about your attack. Keeping this all inside isn't going to make them go away. You know that, how many women do you tell that to in any given week? How many women have you told that to over your career?"

She got up, her voice a little louder. "Fine, you want to hear all the dark, dirty details of what the fucker did to me? He ambushed me in my apartment, tied me to a chair and burned me. Keys, Cigarettes, whatever was handy, then he forced whiskey down my throat and clocked me with the butt of my gun. He woke me up, made me listen to your voice mail. Hit me again. Next thing I knew we were on the road, and I was in the trunk of a car. He made me watch as he raped his lawyer's mother. Put a lit cigarette out on her whenever I closed my eyes. Put me in the back of their SUV, forced some more alcohol and some pills down my throat. I was knocked out. I don't know what happened next, how we got to whatever house we did. He brought me inside and cuffed me to the bed, he left me there, all night, saying he needed sleep. He came back the next morning and raped me. I was in and out of consciousness the whole time." She was standing by the wall her arms around herself. He got up and walked over to her going to hug her but she pulled away. "Please, don't touch me. I told you, I'm fine."

She went into the bathroom and shut the door behind her. She ran the shower again and got back under the water. She needed to get this feeling off of her. She felt so dirty and she hated it. She stayed in the fetal position until the water ran cold again. She got out and saw that Brian was still awake. "You could have gone back to sleep."

"Baby, please. Come back to bed, let me hold you."

Olivia let out a scoff. "Bri, I…" she shook her head and wiped her eyes. "You don't understand, Bri. I didn't want to tell you what happened to me because I didn't want to relive it again. I relive it enough."

"But now I know what happened so I know how to help you."

She shook her head. "Help me? Bri, I don't even know how to help myself right now. I don't know what's going on, and it scares me, and it's so hard to have to keep it together, and put on a brave face for everyone."

He got up and walked over to her. "Hey, look at me," he lifted her chin and looked into her eyes. "You don't have to put on a brave face for anyone. Not for me, and I know that Calvin will understand too. You're always the one who is so strong for everyone else, why can't someone be strong for you?"

Olivia wiped her eyes. "I can't break down with Calvin. I won't be the kind of mother his mother was to him, the kind of mother mine was to me."

"Baby, you're human. You're not superwoman, it's okay to break down sometimes. You don't have to be a robot."

She fell into his chest, crying. "What's happening, Bri? I don't understand."

He wrapped his arms around her and held her close, gently rubbing her back. "It's okay, baby. I got you. I'm never letting you go."

"I just want to be better."

He kissed the top of her head and picked her up, carrying her to the bed. "I know; it's going to take time. You have to be patient with yourself."

"But I have so much going on, we have a son, Bri, how am I supposed to just tell myself that I need more time, that I need to be patient?"

"Because, you know that if you don't, you are never going to be better. No, you won't ever be the Olivia Benson you were before this happened to you. You know that deep down inside you. I know you know it, because I remember you telling Harper Anderson, fourteen years ago in her apartment. Do you remember, how you told her that we all change every day? That no matter what we're never the same? Baby, all you need to do is take your own advice."

She chuckled a bit. "Which I'm notoriously bad at." She wiped her eyes and looked at him. "You remember that, talking to Harper that day?"

He smiled and gently brushed her hair back, tucking it behind her ear. "I remember everything you've ever said in my presence. Baby, I love you. I've loved you since the day I laid eyes on you when I first walked into that squad room."

Olivia smiled and kissed him gently. "I love you, too, Bri. I always have. It just took me forever to realize it."

Brian smiled. "Trust me. I know."

They shared a chuckle and she looked into his eyes. "I'm sorry I went a little crazy earlier. I don't know what it was."

Brian kissed the back of her hand and smiled. "It's normal. You're healing."

She took a deep breath and rested her head on the pillow, still close to him. "I hate that. I hate that I need to heal."

"But you're going to make it through this, and you'll come out the other side so much stronger and even better than you were before."

She smiled and gently rubbed his chest. "You, Brian Cassidy, never cease to amaze me."

He smiled and kissed her softly. "I could say the same thing about you, Pancakes."

She smiled and cuddled up to him, and they both drifted off into a peaceful sleep. The next day, Olivia got up and got ready for her appointments. She saw Brian off to work and brought Calvin into school late before she started going around to her appointments, making sure to tell her counselor about the nightmare she had, and how she went a little manic the night before with Brian. They talked about it a little, and talked about a few different coping mechanisms for her to use the next time something like that happened.

Once she was finally done, she headed to the drug store and picked up a few boxes of pregnancy tests so she had them on hand. She picked Calvin up from school and they both went home. Brian came in a couple hours later and they both looked at her. "Okay, so are you pregnant or not?" Calvin asked, excitedly.

"I don't know, I haven't taken the test yet. I wanted to wait for everyone to be home. I'll go take it now." She smiled and kissed Brian gently, taking the bag of pregnancy tests into the bathroom she took one, she paced the bathroom waiting for the timer to go off. When it finally did, she looked at the test and gasped. "Bri…"

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**A/N: So, is she? Or... isn't she? You'll have to keep reading to find out! Please review, here or on Twitter UnbrokenBarista (Yes! I Changed my name... This is the first time that this has happened since I was a Junior in HS... I graduated in 2010...) I LOVE reviews! **


	16. Rescuing Each Other

**A/N: Thank you to my awesome beta Liv Cassidy! And to BensidyLove for the sour cream joke! :) Enjoy!**

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Brian opened the door and walked over to Olivia, wrapping his arms around her from behind and looking at the test. "You're… We're… You and I?"

Olivia nodded and turned in his arms. She threw her arms around him and held him tight. "We're having a baby!" She giggled as he picked her up and spun her around, kissing her passionately, dipping her. Olivia smiled and let out a small moan.

He brought her up and broke the kiss. "We should tell Calvin." He kissed her again, his hands skimming over her ass.

She smirked and spoke into the kiss. "I know, but keep up what you're doing and I'll be naked."

He pulled her closer. "Mmm, I know."

She broke the kiss and took a deep breath. "We can play more tonight," she whispered and gently bit his earlobe. She heard him moan and she smirked. "Now you know what you do to me." She smirked and broke free of his grasp and walked out of her bathroom, feeling his eyes following her. "You coming?" Brian caught up to her and they walked into the living room. She looked at Calvin and took a deep breath. "Come over here, sweetie."

He got up and walked over to her. "You're not pregnant?"

She took his hand and placed it on her stomach. "Say hello to your little brother or sister."

Calvin looked up at her then at her stomach. "You mean… You're… Wow."

Olivia looked at Brian and then at Calvin. "The two of you… Like father like son." She felt Calvin hug her tight and she smiled and kissed the top of his head.

Calvin looked up at her. "Told ya."

Olivia chuckled. "Yes, but trust me, me eating peanut butter with my cookies was not what alerted me to it. I've been doing that since I was about your age." She smiled.

"That long…"

Olivia shook her head. "Yes, yes I'm old. I get it."

"I'm just joking. You're really not THAT old."

"Oh, thanks," she said, feigned hurt.

Brian kissed her cheek. "Still young enough to be fertile."

She rolled her eyes and looked at him. "I'll have to deal with you later."

"Don't threaten me with a good time, Pancakes."

"Oh trust me, baby, that wasn't a threat. It was a promise."

"Guys, your bedroom is that way," Calvin said dryly, pointing in the direction of their bedroom."

Brian chuckled. "Okay, family dinner now. What does everyone want?"

Olivia thought for a minute. "I could really go for some Mexican right now."

"Yeah, that sounds good!"

Brian nodded. "Mexican it is. What does everyone want?"

"I just want tacos. The shredded beef with cheese, guacamole, and sour cream," Calvin said with a smile.

"I'll have shredded chicken enchiladas, extra sour cream."

"Extra sour cream? Figures." Brian smirked.

Olivia shot him a look. "What the hell does that mean?"

"I just know how you get about white cream, especially dripping from your mouth. That's all." He chuckled.

She gasped and hit him in the arm. "You ass! That's not true." She was beet red, embarrassed.

"Dear God, I did NOT need to know that, you two!"

Olivia raised an eyebrow. "See, you just gave him the horror of walking in on his parents without him actually doing that."

"Oh trust me, guys, hearing you is enough."

Olivia's mouth fell open and she looked at Brian seeing him smirking. Brian shrugged. "You are kinda loud, baby."

"Kinda? Dad, I can hear the swear words seeping from her mouth in my room with the door closed and the TV on." Brian and Calvin shared a chuckle.

"Glad to know you both find this so funny. Just remember, I'm now pregnant. I could just eat all the Oreos and Chips Ahoy. They can all go to baby Cassidy and Mama." The smiles left their faces. "Knew that would get your attention," she shrugged. She walked over to the couch and sat down. Calvin sat down next to her and Brian ordered the food. Olivia wrapped an arm around Calvin's shoulders and kissed his head. "I love you, kiddo."

Calvin rested his head on her shoulder. "I love you, too, Mom."

Brian came over and sat on the other side of Olivia and she smiled, snuggling into him. "Well, we are quite an amazing family, aren't we?"

"We're a pretty cute family too." Olivia smirked and they shared a laugh. They relaxed on the couch together, until the food got there.

Brian got up and paid for the food, carrying it into the kitchen and setting it down, figuring out whose meals are whose and brought them into the living room. "Alright, let's eat."

They shared dinner together and talked about their days; a normal family dinner conversation. After dinner Calvin went into his room to do his homework and Olivia looked at Brian and smiled. "We could have some Mommy and Daddy time."

He smirked and picked her up, kissing her gently and carrying her into the bedroom. He lay her on the bed and ran his hands over her body. "You're so beautiful." He kissed her neck and down her body, kissing her belly. "I can't believe you're having my baby."

She smiled and pulled him back up to her lips. "Enjoy my body while you can. Pretty soon I'm going to be a waddling whale."

He caressed her face. "I can't wait to see the way your body is going to change throughout the pregnancy. You're already glowing, baby. I want to see your belly swell as our baby is growing inside you, the way your breasts will get bigger, filling with milk to nurse our baby. Your body is going to change, but you're going to be even more beautiful. I say it all the time and I never think it's possible for you to get more beautiful, because you're already the most beautiful woman in the entire world."

She looked in his eyes and smiled, tears in her eyes. "Baby…" She shook her head and kissed him, laying down, pulling him on top of her. She smiled and broke the kiss. "You have no idea what it means to me to hear you say that." She wiped her eyes and looked up at him. "I love you, so much."

He smiled and kissed the tears on her cheeks, gently kissing her jaw and then her neck. He ran his hands under her shirt, sliding it off, kissing her breasts. She smiled and let out a gentle moan. He kissed down her torso and slipped her pants and panties off. He kissed her inner thighs, all around where she wanted him to, and he knew it. He smirked and kissed back up to her lips. "You're so beautiful; your skin is so soft." He gently nipped at her ear.

She let out a soft moan and flipped them, smirking and whispering in his ear. "Payback's a bitch baby." She kissed his neck and repeated his actions on him, taking his shirt off, kissing his chest, down his torso, then sliding his pants and boxers down. She kissed his thighs and looked up at him. She started to stroke him, a smirk on her face.

He seethed. "Shit!" He let out a low moan and gasped as he felt her lips around him. "Liv, baby. You don't have to—"

She smirked and looked up at him. "I know, but I want to." She took him back in her mouth and started massaging his balls in her other hand as mouth and hand moved over his length. She felt him twitch and she smirked. She threw her tongue in the mix and heard him getting louder. She took him completely into her mouth, relaxing her throat. He thrust into her involuntarily and she moved back a little so she didn't choke.

"God, Liv."

She smirked and licked up his shaft. "Let go, baby." She put her mouth back on him, feeling him release in her mouth. She swallowed every drop he gave her and she smiled, kissing back up to his lips. "You taste so good," she whispered against his lips, gently biting his bottom lip.

He smirked and flipped her back over. "You are incredible, you know that?"

She smirked and shrugged. "I've been told."

He kissed her gently. "It's time for Pancakes, baby." He heard her giggle as he kissed down her torso to her center. He pushed two fingers inside of her and she gasped. He smirked. "Someone's wet." He rubbed her clit and started flicking his tongue over it.

She arched her back and gripped the sheets in her hands, clenching them hard. "Oh, Bri!" She bit her bottom lip, trying not to be too loud. "Fuck."

He smirked and sucked on her, his fingers moving in and out of her quickly. He heard her breath getting heavy, her moans, her hips moving into his mouth. "Let go baby, that's it." Her body tensed, her back arched, her toes curled. Her orgasm ripped through her body and he smirked, letting her come down a little before kissing back up to her lips. "You taste so good, Pancakes."

She was breathless and kissed him gently. "Mmm. You have magic fingers… and your tongue." She smirked and felt him on top of her. She smiled and felt him slide inside her. "God, baby!" She arched her back. They found their rhythm, meeting each other thrust for thrust. Olivia scratched his shoulders, hard enough to leave marks, but not hard enough to draw blood.

He picked hip her leg and wrapped it around him. Their pace was slow and steady, but they were both ready to fall over the edge, together, rather quickly. He looked deep into her eyes, he groaned and kissed her passionately, feeling her pull him close. They were as close as they could get, but they needed to be closer. She broke the kiss and looked into his eyes. He rested his forehead against hers, and gently whispered to her. "Fall over the edge with me, baby."

She arched her back, her walls clenched around him. She felt him release inside her and she felt her release flood her body. "Bri!" When they both rode out their orgasms they collapsed into a pile of limbs, sheets, and sweat. Their chests heaving, breathless, they kissed each other and let out soft moans. "That was incredible baby," she whispered softly.

Brian smiled and kissed her forehead. "That was…" He closed his eyes and wrapped an arm around her, holding her close. He gently rubbed her belly and placed small chaste kisses on her neck. "I love you, Liv. More than I could ever possibly explain. I can't imagine life without you."

She smiled and looked into his eyes. "I feel the exact same way, Bri. I've never felt this way about anyone else."

They cuddled there for a little bit and then he looked at her. "You know, with this baby, it's going to be a little cramped in this apartment. It's really only big enough for two people. We may want to think of looking at other apartments. Three bedrooms."

"Three bedroom apartment? In Manhattan?" Olivia asked, an eyebrow raised. "Baby, I know where you're going with this, but a three bedroom in Manhattan is insanely expensive. I just don't know that we can afford it."

Brian looked at her. "Okay, so we look somewhere else, a house in Queens, a little grass, somewhere for Calvin and our little Cassidy baby to play."

Olivia looked at him and took a deep breath. "I'm open to it. I know you're right though, we get a house and Calvin can have a bigger room, we can get a nursery set up, Brandy will have a yard to run around. We'll be cozy in a little house."

He smiled and kissed her gently. "We'll be more than cozy. We'll be comfortable."

She looked up at him and smiled. "I love you."

"I love you, too, Pancakes."

She giggled and looked at the clock. "We should probably get dressed in… something… and go check on Calvin, make sure he's doing ok."

Brian kissed her shoulder and smiled. "I think you're right."

She chuckled and put on a pair of his boxers and one of his dress shirts. She saw him in pajama pants and a wife beater. She smiled and held her hand out to him, gently kissing him. "Come on." They walked to Calvin's room and knocked.

Calvin said, "Come in."

Olivia opened the door and smiled. "Hey, sweetie, how you doing?"

He smiled. "Okay, just have some math left to do. I keep going back over my notes and trying to understand it, but it just isn't making sense."

Olivia looked at it. "Ooh, that's right, you're old enough to be starting algebra." She looked at Brian. "Babe, math never has been and never will be my strong suit. Can you take a look at it?"

Brian nodded. "Sure." He looked at the paper and sat down next to Calvin and helped him get the homework done. Olivia looked on and smiled. She let them be and got herself a bowl of ice cream and sat on the couch and put on the TV. A little while later Calvin came out and sat next to her. "You're bad at math too?"

Olivia looked over at him and smiled. She nodded. "Yeah. I actually have Dyscalculia."

"What's that?"

She smiled. "The best way to describe it is, it's like dyslexia, with numbers rather than letters. Math concepts instead of Language concepts."

Calvin nodded. "So, what kind of things do you have trouble with?"

"Well, it's hard for me to do math in my head, other than the simple stuff, like basic addition and subtraction, um, I never could understand how to do equations, I'd take detailed notes, do the homework, get all the answers wrong and still fail the test. My mom thought I was just lazy, but luckily I had a teacher who recognized the signs and got me tested."

"Do you think I could get tested? I feel the same way and… I'd just like to not feel stupid."

Olivia put her bowl down and hugged him. "You are not stupid, you hear me? You're brilliant, but everyone is brilliant at different things. Math may not be your thing, but I know for a fact that art is. I know plenty of math whizzes who can't draw a circle without a protractor."

He hugged her back and looked at her. "I always used to feel stupid. Mom would get mad when I didn't get straight A's, but she never bothered to help me with my homework, never asked if I needed help."

Olivia gently rubbed his back. "You don't have to worry about that any more, kiddo. Between your dad and I, we will do everything we can to help you. And if we can't figure it out, we'll find someone who can."

He smiled. "Thank you. I guess you rescued me again, huh?"

Olivia smiled and kissed his head. "I think the three of us… I think we rescued each other."

Brian walked over and wrapped his arms around both of them. He kissed both their heads. "Okay, everyone, it's bed time."

"But—"

"No buts, babe. You have appointments tomorrow, you have school, kiddo, and I have work. We all need our rest, after the exciting day we had."

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**A/N: Hope you enjoyed! Next up, house hunting, Liv goes back to her old apartment, and work, and panic sets in!**


	17. Fairy Tale Romance

**Here's the new chapter, finished with all the Bensidy feels from "Internal Affairs" (No, not the scenes, just the feels...). I would get the Kleenex ready. Another big thank you to my beta, Liv Cassidy! Enjoy!**

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The next morning after breakfast, Olivia kissed Brian goodbye as he left for work. She sent Calvin off to school and then dressed herself. She called her OB/GYN and made an appointment for later that day. She went to her last physical therapy appointment, her counseling appointment, and finally her OB/GYN appointment. She sat on the table in nothing but the stupid paper gown that opened in the front. She was still self-conscious with everyone but Brian about the scars she had from her attack nearly two months ago. Her legs were crossed at the ankles, and her hand was grasping the top of the gown. Her doctor came in and she smiled gently. "Hello, Dr. Tessler."

The red headed woman smiled and nodded. "Olivia. It's so good to see you again. You haven't been here in a while."

She took a deep breath and let it out. "The perils of being a trauma worker, taking care of everyone else before yourself."

"You know better."

"Yes, I know it's just…" She shook her head. "Never mind."

"What brings you in today, just a check-up?"

Olivia smiled gently. "Well, my son and fiancé both thought I was pregnant so I took a pregnancy test and turns out… I am."

"Your son? When did that happen?"

She smiled. "Brian and I adopted him just about a week ago. His name is Calvin. He's a special kid. His mom left him with me about two years ago, then took him away… she went back to jail, his dad is in jail, his grandparents couldn't take him… there was no one else, so I fought for him."

The doctor nodded and smiled. "Okay, well, we'll do a full vaginal exam, blood work, and an ultra sound. Sound good?"

Olivia looked at her. "You're asking me if a vaginal exam sounds good? Oh yeah, Doc, metal speculum in my vagina sounds lovely."

"I've missed your sarcasm."

She chuckled and laid back, putting her feet in the stirrups and putting a hand behind her head, waiting for the inevitable question.

"Olivia, what are these scars?" And there it was…

She took a deep breath and closed her eyes. "I was attacked two months ago. They're burns. I have some on my breasts too."

The doctor didn't say anything more, which Olivia was thankful for. She closed her eyes and went to her own little private beach, with Brian. She felt the speculum inside her and she scrunched her nose. She hated that damn thing. She felt the doctors fingers inside her and she bit her lip, keeping her composure. She saw her stand up and she took a look at her breasts. "My God, Olivia."

She took a deep breath. "Please just…"

The doctor nodded and felt her breasts for any abnormalities. "Okay, well your vaginal exam looks good. Nothing out of the ordinary, I'm going to step out and have you dress yourself, then we'll get the blood drawn and do an ultra sound, okay?"

Olivia nodded. Once she was gone she got up and put her clothes on, sitting back on the table when she was finished. She closed her eyes and got herself together. When the doctor came back in she drew some blood for testing and had Olivia lay back. She did an ultra sound and looked. "There's your baby." The doctor snapped a picture and printed it. "From the looks of this you're about fourteen weeks along."

Olivia looked and felt the tears well up in her eyes. "That's my baby?" She covered her mouth and felt the tears sting her eyes. She let out a small chuckle. "Wow."

Dr. Tessler smiled and sat down next to her. "Now, there are a few risks with your age, being pregnant. The chances of you having a miscarriage are high, and you've had them in the past. The odds are against you, but that doesn't mean that you won't have a baby. You're also at greater risk for high blood pressure, gestational diabetes, preterm labor, low birth weight, even delivering a still born. The baby has a greater risk for birth defects and health issues as well. But, if you start to take care of yourself, and not put everyone else first, I think you can have a successful pregnancy and a healthy baby."

Olivia listened to everything and that's when the panic set in. She was in her mid-forties. The fact that she was pregnant at all was a miracle. But now she had to worry about all of these negative affects her age had on the baby growing inside of her. What if she miscarried again? What if the baby was a stillborn? She wasn't sure she could handle it. "Um, what can I do to make sure that my baby and I are healthy?"

"Well, I'm going to order you some prenatal vitamins. I want you to come back in a few weeks; we'll monitor your progress closely. The best thing you can do is get plenty of rest, don't push yourself too hard, that will just put more stress on the baby, and you don't need that. Before you leave, I want to do a finger stick, just to see where you are."

Olivia took a deep breath. "I ate about two hours ago. Quick, a sandwich and a water."

"Perfect." The doctor grabbed a test strip, the glucose meter, and a lancet and tested her sugar quickly. "Okay, your sugars appear to be normal. That's good. We'll monitor your blood sugar as well, so if anything does change we can get on top of it quickly." She handed Olivia a prescription and smiled. "Prenatal vitamins, take them every day, that way you'll be sure you're getting the nutrients you and baby need."

She nodded and smiled. "Thank you. I'll see you next month. I promise."

"I'm holding you to that."

Olivia rested a hand on her belly. "So will this little one." She took her prescription, the picture from the ultra sound, and her things and walked out, heading first to the pharmacy, then heading home. She walked in and smiled, seeing Calvin home already. "Hey, Kiddo, how was school?"

He shrugged. "School."

She chuckled and walked over to him. "How would you like to see a picture of your brother or sister? Would that cheer you up?"

Calvin perked up and nodded. "Absolutely!"

She smiled and kissed the top of his head and took the sonogram out, putting it on the table. "The baby isn't very big yet, but it's there."

"Wow." He gently touched the photo and looked up at Olivia. "That's really a baby?"

She nodded. "It's really a baby."

Just then, Brian walked in the door. "Hello, my wonderful family." He walked over to them, kissing Calvin on the top of the head then wrapping an arm around Olivia's waist and kissing her lips. She smiled into the kiss, and pulled away, resting her head on his chest. "What are we looking at?"

Olivia smiled. "Our baby."

He looked at the sonogram and he smiled. "That's our baby? Right there? That cute little blob?"

She laughed and shook her head. "Yes. That cute little blob is our baby." She looked up at him and placed a few chaste kisses on his lips. "I just got home myself, so I didn't have the chance to heat anything up for dinner. What should we have?"

Brian smiled. "Already taken care of. Calvin texted me when he got home, and about forty five minutes ago saying you weren't home yet. I ordered Chinese, it's on its way."

Olivia shook her head. "The two of you are the most incredible men on the entire planet, you know that." She hugged them both and smiled. "Well, I'm going to get changed into something more comfortable then, I'll be out in a few minutes."

Brian looked at her then at Calvin. "I should get out of this uniform, don't want to stain it." Calvin rolled his eyes and Brian smiled and followed Olivia into the bedroom. He wrapped his arms around her from behind has she was picking out something to wear and she smiled, leaning back into him. "Okay, baby. Talk to me, what's on your mind?"

She looked over her shoulder. "What are you talking about? I'm fine." She broke free from his grasp and walked over towards the bed, taking her shirt off.

He took a deep breath and ran his hand down his face, his hand resting on his hip. "Liv, don't lie to me. You suck at it. I know you inside and out."

She put her short hair up in a ponytail and let her arms fall and she turned around and looked at him. "I'm that easy to read?"

He smiled gently. "You carry your worry in your face. It's only easy to read to me… because I know you so well."

She walked over to him and rested her forehead on his chest and groaned. "Do you have any idea how many things can go wrong with this pregnancy, just because of my age? I'm 45, Bri. I could lose the baby, I could deliver really early, I could deliver a stillborn. I could get diabetes, high blood pressure. The baby could have birth defects. God, Bri, I was so excited for this I forgot to worry about all the bad stuff."

"And that's how it should be. Baby, as long as you take care of yourself, do what you're supposed to do, you'll be fine."

She looked at him. "That's the other problem. Today was my first OB/GYN appointment in two years. She sort of reprimanded me."

He took a deep breath. "Can you blame her?"

She shook her head. "No, I just… I go into trauma worker mode, Bri. You know that. I always have. I forget that I'm human and that I need to take care of me first."

"Well, then we'll have to make sure that Mama and baby come first, because I love you both," he whispered, resting a hand on her stomach and pulling her into a passionate kiss.

She let out a soft moan and wrapped her arms around him, smiling into the kiss. "I think we can manage that," she mumbled into the kiss. She felt Brian unbutton her jeans and she gasped and broke the kiss. Bri, Calvin—"

He smirked and gently kissed her neck. "I'm just helping you change," he said in a low, husky voice in her ear.

His hot breath sent shivers down her spine. She loosened his tie and pulled it off, unbuttoning his uniform shirt and throwing it off to the side as she felt him slide her jeans down her legs. Before she knew it he was on his knees. He gently lifted her shirt and kissed her stomach. She smiled down at him and ran her hands through his hair. He stood up and she smiled and kissed him again. She undid his pants and slipped them off. He stepped out of them and he picked her up and spun her around and lay on the bed with her. She broke the kiss. "Hey… what happened to helping me change."

He smirked and sat between her legs, running her hands up her thighs. "I don't want your feet swelling on me. They're too cute to get all puffy."

She rolled her eyes and smiled. "Since when does Brian Cassidy have a foot fetish?"

He shrugged. "I wouldn't call it a fetish. I have no sexual attraction to your feet, nor do I want to suck on your toes, I just think they're cute. Then again I'm not the sex detective."

She raised an eyebrow, smiling as he started massaging one of her feet. "You used to be."

"Yeah, well… I'm the Munch of Narcotics, how could I give that up?"

She chuckled and sat up and kissed him. "Have I mentioned yet today how much I love you?"

He thought for a minute. "A few times. I have the texts," he winked.

"Remind me to not send you the naked pictures I took for you."

"Okay, now that's just torture."

She smiled and took a deep breath and shook her head. "It would only be torture if I actually took them," she winked and got up, putting on the pair of sweats she got out, the ones she stole from Brian.

He got up and walked over to her, putting on a pair of pajama pants and smiled. "You know, we could change that."

"Bri. I didn't do naked pictures before. You want me to do them now that I have these burns and scars? I think not. Besides, if someone hacked our phones… It wouldn't be good. NYPD SVU Detective and Uniformed Officer have leaked nude photos. I could see the headlines now."

"First of all, you know that the burns and scars only make you sexier to me, you survived baby. You're a fucking tiger, and you earned every one of those stripes. Secondly, who said we had to have them on a phone? Good old fashioned regular film photos."

She sighed. "They may be sexy to you, you may think of me as a tiger or… whatever, but, Bri… It's a constant reminder for me that I was attacked, that a man raped me after he tortured me for days. I doubt a boudoir photo shoot is going to change the way I feel about them. And really, film? Bri, where would we get them developed, Canada? That's probably the only place they don't know who I am. In fact they probably do."

"What are you talking about?"

"As much as I hate it, I've been in national headlines because of cases I've cracked. At least that's what Rollins told me. When she first got here she told me how she used some stuff from a case I closed a decade earlier. You don't think there's a film developer out there who would sell them to a tabloid magazine in a heartbeat for extra cash? Sex Crimes Detective by Day, Porn Star by Night?"

He took a deep breath and slipped into a shirt. "It was just a suggestion."

"Well, until one of us learns how to develop film on our own it isn't happening. Technology can be hacked. Both our reputations would be ruined…"

"You forget, mine already was when it came out I had sex with a prostitute, and again when I was accused of raping another. I get not wanting to tarnish your reputation, I just thought… I don't know, a pin up picture of you would be incredibly sexy."

She sighed and rested her hand on the back of her neck. "I'm sorry. I'm just edgy." She sat on the bed and put her head in her hands. "You know, because I'm panicking about the pregnancy and everything. I just…"

He sat down and rubbed her back gently. "Hey, it's ok. I'm sorry I pushed."

She shook her head and rested her head on his shoulder. "Don't be. It really shouldn't have been that big of a deal for me."

He kissed her forehead and she closed her eyes and smiled. He heard a knock on the door and smiled. "Dinner time."

She smiled and walked out, holding his hand. She walked into the kitchen to get plates and utensils as he answered the door. They sat at the table and served themselves and enjoyed some dinner conversation. They didn't bring up the possible complications with the pregnancy in front of Calvin. He didn't need that in his head.

After dinner they turned on the TV and sat on the couch. Olivia looked at Brian. "We need to start looking for a house. I need to pick a few things up from my old place before I give up my lease."

He gently rubbed her shoulder. "We can head over to your apartment tomorrow, and we can start looking for houses online."

She smiled and pulled out her phone and opened the App she downloaded to look for houses and handed it to him. "I'm a few steps ahead." She rested her chin on his shoulder and smiled and kissed his cheek.

He looked through the houses she put in ones she liked and stopped on one. "This… Liv…"

She looked at the house he had up and she smiled. "I love that one. It's truly… incredible. It's in our price range. It's perfect."

He smiled and kissed her lips softly. "Why don't we make an appointment to see it tomorrow afternoon?"

She smiled and snuggled into him. "Already ahead of you, I was going to tell you tonight."

He rubbed her back and smiled. "So, we head to your apartment tomorrow morning, then head into Pelham tomorrow afternoon to look at the house."

She smiled and looked at Calvin. "What do you think of the house, sweetie?"

He looked at the phone and then looked at them both. "This is a really nice house. And I'd have my own room?"

She smiled and nodded. "Your own room, bigger than the one here, you'd get your own TV, and we can decorate it however you want it."

He smiled. "Awesome! Can we move in now?"

She chuckled. "Let's go see it first, make sure it's really as good as it looks."

Brian smiled and kissed her forehead and then Calvin's. "Alright, Buddy, time for bed, school in the morning."

"But I wanted to go with you guys to see the house."

Brian smirked. "We'll take pictures. Besides, don't you want to go see that girl you like?"

Olivia looked at them. "Girl, what girl?"

"Thanks, Dad." He rolled his eyes. "Her name is Ally. I like her but she doesn't even notice me."

"Then it's her loss. You're an incredible kid. Anyone who can't see that is blind. Besides you're still a kid. I can bet that the girl you like now won't be the girl you spend the rest of your life with. I know when I was younger I liked a few guys. But the only one I want to spend the rest of my life with is your dad."

"You mean to tell me you never thought about the people you liked when you were younger?"

"Well, one, but I never knew his name. Just that we had one perfect dance together. But your dad is right. Bed time."

He sighed, and got up, walking into his room. "Good night. Love you."

"Love you too, kiddo. Sleep well."

Olivia snuggled on his chest and closed her eyes. "Do you really still think about that guy you danced with?" Brian asked, gently stroking her hair.

She groaned and shook her head. "Still? No. But I did, for a long time. Wondered what happened to him. But I didn't even know his name. Couldn't look him up, he had a mask on."

"Oh how romantic."

"Bri, we were at prom. Masquerade theme, we both had masks on. Besides, it never would have gone anywhere. The only reason he danced with me is because he didn't know who I was."

"Do you have pictures?" Brian asked. She smiled and stood up. She walked into their room and into their closet, pulling a box down.

"I had Rollins grab this for me a few weeks ago." She sat next to him and opened it. She pulled out a few pictures and a dark blue mask, with black lace around the edge and silver designs across it. "I saved for this mask for months. My mom burned my dress. I hid the mask so she wouldn't break it." She handed him a picture of her in a floor length, strapless dark blue dress with black lace detailing. It matched the mask perfectly. Her hair was up except for a few strands, which were hanging down and framed her face with beautiful curls. It was her prom picture, she was alone.

He smiled. "You were so beautiful. You still are." He kissed her softly.

She smiled and looked at the other photo. "And this… this is the man who gave me the best night of my life until that point. The last song came on, Take My Breath Away, by Berlin. He walked up to me and said –"

"You've taken my breath away all night. Dance with me?"

She smiled gently. "Yeah." She looked up from the picture. "Wait, how'd you know that?"

He picked up the picture in her hands. "It was me."

"You?" She had tears in her eyes and she smiled. She hugged him. She pulled away and looked into his eyes. "It's been you all along," her voice cracked, as a few tears fell. These were happy tears. She always wanted a fairy tale. Here she was, living one.

"And it always will be." He pulled her into a passionate kiss.

She relaxed into the kiss and straddled him. She felt his hands on her back and she let out a soft moan. She broke the kiss and looked into his eyes. "My Prince," she whispered, gently running her thumb over his lips, her face still close to his.

"My Queen," his hands rested on either side of her face and pulled her back into a kiss. It was passionate, but it was all about love. She wrapped her arms around him and he picked her up. He carried her into the bedroom and set her down, closing their door.

After a few minutes, Olivia broke the kiss. "Well, it's good to know what my mystery man has been up to all these years. And it's even better to know that he's the man I'm spending my life with. He's the only man I've ever wanted."

Brian gently caressed her face. "I love you."

She smiled and rested a hand on top of his. "I love you, too."

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**A/N: Hope you enjoyed! Please review! Here or on twitter! UnbrokenBarista! Next chapter, Olivia DOES go back to her apartment, and DOES go back to work. And do they get the house in Pelham? Will Liv have any complications with pregnancy? Keep reading to find out!**


	18. Eyes You Could Fall Into

**Well, here's chapter 18! I know I didn't have any smut last chapter, but I hope I made up for it here! This one isn't AS emotional as the last chapter. but being that this IS the first time Liv has seen her apartment since the attack, it's a little bit emotional. But it's here! Enjoy!**

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The next morning, Olivia and Brian woke Calvin up and helped him get ready for school. Once he was off to school, she walked over to Brian and wrapped her arms around him. "Mmm. We have the house to ourselves for a while. We don't need to head over to my old apartment right away…"

He snaked his arms around her waist and pulled her close. "What are you suggesting?"

She giggled and ran her hands through his hair. "You, me, naked… somewhere other than the bed," she whispered, her mouth staying open slightly after she finished.

He pulled her into him, as close as he could get her, and gently bit her earlobe. He let out a soft growl in her ear and gently squeezed her ass. "We might as well christen it before we leave."

She let out a soft moan and looked into his eyes. "My thoughts exactly," she whispered and pulled him into a kiss. They were as close as they could possibly be with their clothes on, but they needed to be closer. They bit at each other's lips and their hands roamed the body of the other. They broke the kiss when they needed air and undressed each other quickly. Brian picked her up and carried her into the kitchen, setting her on the counter.

He spread her legs and stood between them. "Mmm. Should I enjoy my pancakes plain, or should I add toppings?"

She bit her bottom lip. "Whipped cream is in the fridge."

"You little minx."

She shrugged. "You know you like it."

He smirked and grabbed the whipped cream, putting some on her neck, licking it off. She moaned and arched her back. She felt the cold on her breasts and she let out a breath. The next she knew was his tongue was licking her breasts clean, and her head fell back against the cabinet. He spread her legs more, bending them, and putting her feet up on the cabinet. He sprayed a little whipped cream on her inner thighs and licked it off, gently biting the skin. He heard her moans and he smirked, spraying her warm center with a little whipped cream, putting the can on the counter and putting his arms under her legs resting his hands on her sides as he leaned over and started to lick her clean.

Her hand shot to the back of his head, keeping him in place. "Oh, fuck!" Her hips bucked.

He moved his hands to her hips and he smirked. "Easy, baby."

Her breath was heavy, her moans getting louder as he went back to licking her. He started sucking on her clit and she let out a high pitched squeal. "Oh, Bri!" She let out a whiney moan and gasped, feeling her orgasm wrack her body. "Shit!" He kissed her thighs, then up to her lips as she came down. He picked her up and carried her into the bathroom, turning on the shower and stepping in with her. She smiled at him. "You're too amazing, you know that?"

He smirked and pinned her to the wall. "It's what you do to me, baby."

She giggled and shook her head. "You're such a dork."

"No, I'm just in love."

She smiled and kissed him gently. "I like doing this in other places besides our bed."

He smirked. "Yeah?"

She nodded and raised an eyebrow. "Mmm. We should do it more often," she said gently, looking at his lips. She kissed him again, smirking. She felt him pick up her leg and wrap it around his waist. He pushed into her gently and she gasped, breaking the kiss. "God you feel so good," she whispered, gripping his shoulders.

He gently kissed her neck and smiled. "You're so perfect." He let out a groan into her ear and she arched her back, their hips starting to move in perfect sync. He kissed her passionately, resting his free hand on the wall behind her.

She broke the kiss and let out a soft, short moan, almost a grunt. She knew that even though he made fun of her for it, he loved it when she was loud. He loved her being vocal, because he loved knowing that he was the one who made her that way. He loved that he was the one who made her lose control.

Brian kept moving, resting his forehead on hers. "God, Liv," he moaned.

She arched her back and let out a loud moan. She looked into his eyes, her breath getting heavy. She was close. But she wanted to fall over the edge with him. She wouldn't let go just yet. "Baby, please! God, I'm so close," she whimpered.

He smirked and started moving harder and faster. He felt her start to milk him and he moaned. "Mmm. Just like that, baby."

His voice sent tingles through her body and she let out a breath. "God, Bri. Don't stop," she whispered. It wasn't long after that they were falling over the edge together. They were moaning each other's names as if they were the only words in the English language. She smiled and ran her hands over his chest and she smiled. "You are incredible, you know that?"

He smirked and chuckled. "I think you've mentioned it a few times." He gently rubbed her hip and kissed her gently. "I can't wait to call you my wife."

She smiled and wrapped her arms around him, pushing herself off the wall. "We still have a wedding to plan, don't we?"

"That we do. We can do that later if you want."

She smiled. "After we get back from Pelham? We could at least pick out colors… and the song we want to dance to."

He smiled. "Perfect. But we should probably wash up before we head over." He kissed her softly, then pulled away. "We smell like sex," he whispered against her lips.

She giggled and kissed him again, pulling him under the water. She broke the kiss and smiled. "If we don't stop kissing we'll never get to the house."

He smiled and kissed her again, pulling away softly. "The perils of being an adult." They managed to wash each other and get ready. She put on a pair of black skinny jeans and a tank top, with a black zip up sweatshirt. He looked at her and smiled gently. "You ready?"

Olivia smiled gently and shrugged. "As ready as I'll ever be," she said gently, looking into his eyes. "Thank you. You know, for coming with me. I just… I don't know what to expect."

He pulled her into a hug and kissed the top of her head. "It's okay. I'll be here every step of the way."

She rested her head on his chest and closed her eyes. "I love you."

He smiled and gently rubbed her back. "I love you, too. Come on, let's get the bad part over with."

She smiled and took his hand, and they walked out to the car together. They drove to her old apartment building and she closed her eyes, taking a few deep breaths.

"You want me to run up and get what you need."

Olivia shook her head. "No. No, I need to do this. I'm okay." She stepped out of the car and looked at the building and took her keys out. She opened the front door, holding it for Brian. She took the stairs; she needed to get rid of some of this nervous energy. She walked to her apartment and unlocked the door, walking in. It still smelled like the bourbon he forced her to drink, that he poured on her. It reeked of cigarettes and burned flesh. She heard Brian come in.

"Hey, I really wish you'd let me do this for you."

She took a deep breath and snapped out of it. "Yeah, I just wanted to open some windows."

He looked around. He saw her apartment after the attack, because he went to get her some clothes, but it seemed so much worse. "Oh my…" He saw her go over to pick up a chair and he rushed over to her.

"I got it, Bri. I'm fine. I'm okay." She went to work getting things picked up, even though it brought back the memories. She got together the things she needed and then walked out of her bedroom. "Get a cleaning crew in here to clean up the blood and alcohol…" she fought to keep her tears from falling, but she was unsuccessful.

Brian walked over to her and wrapped his arms around her. He felt her body start to heave with sobs. "Come on, let's get out of here. Go wait in the car, I'll get everything, okay?"

"Please don't leave me," she whispered, gripping his shirt.

He picked her up and carried her out into the hallway. "Okay, I'm right here." He held her tight and kissed the top of her head.

She took a few deep breaths and looked up at him. "I just… I didn't think it would hit me like that."

He gently wiped her eyes. "Hey, it's okay." He kissed her forehead.

She smiled and hugged him again. "I thought I was dealing better than this," she whispered, sniffling gently.

He rubbed her back and kissed her cheek. "You are dealing the way you're supposed to. You're going to get through this, Liv, and I'm going to be here, by your side, every step of the way."

She smiled and looked into his eyes. "I love you."

He smiled. "I love you, too."

"Um, I'll… I'll go wait in the car, unless you need help."

He smiled and looked at what she pulled out to bring. It filled a single box. He shook his head. "I'll be down in a minute." He handed her the keys and walked back inside.

She took the elevator down and sat in the car, looking at herself in the mirror. She saw Brian come back out with the box she put a few things in. He put the box in the trunk then got in the driver's side. She looked over at him and rested her hand on his knee. "Thank you," she whispered and leaned over and kissed him softly.

He smiled and kissed her back gently. He broke the kiss gently and touched her cheek. "Come on, let's go check out that house in Pelham."

She smiled and nodded. "Definitely." They drove out to Pelham and then drove up to the house. "It's even more breathtaking in person. I don't know how this didn't sell. It's been on the market for so long."

Brian smirked and parked the car. "Let's go check it out." He got out and walked around and took her hand and walked up to the door with her. He knocked and the realtor answered the door. "Hi, we're—"

"Mr. and Mrs. Cassidy? Yes, we've been expecting you."

Olivia smiled. "Officer and Detective, actually."

"NYPD, well, we hope that you like the house."

"From the pictures, it's exactly what we're looking for."

The realtor gave them a tour of the house, they went over it with a fine tooth comb, looking for mold, cracks in the wall, loose wires. They didn't find anything. They ended the tour in the big, spacious kitchen. "So, what did you two think? Did it live up to expectations."

"That and more, but would you mind if we walked around one more time? We promised our son we'd take pictures." Olivia said, looking at Brian.

The realtor nodded and smiled. "Feel free. I'll be in here if you have any questions."

Olivia nodded and they walked back upstairs, into each of the rooms, taking pictures. She looked at Brian and wrapped her arms around him from behind. "So, what do you think? Could you see us raising our family here?" Olivia smiled and gently nipped at his ear lobe.

Brian smiled. "It's perfect. I say, we head down there and make an offer."

She smiled and turned him around, hugging him tight. "We're actually doing this." She let out a breath and smiled. "It's in a good neighborhood, there's a back yard. I just… never expected to have this happen."

Brian smiled and gently caressed her face. "You know what I noticed, you didn't correct her when she called you Mrs. Cassidy."

Olivia bit her bottom lip and smiled. "Sure I did, I told her it was Detective."

Brian kissed her gently. "You know what I meant."

Olivia ran her hands over his chest. "Well, in less than a year I'm going to be Mrs. Cassidy. It may be a little early, but I like being Mrs. Cassidy."

Brian smiled and kissed her forehead. "Come on, let's go make an offer on the house." They walked back downstairs and into the kitchen. "Well, you've sold us. We want to make an offer. We can give you the asking price."

The realtor smiled and picked up her phone. "I have a few calls to make, some paperwork to fill out, credit checks and what not, and then I'll call the owner."

Olivia took a few papers out of her bag and handed them to the realtor. "I got a jump start. We were pre-approved by a number of different agencies."

She smiled and looked over them. "Wonderful. I just need to do double checks, talk with the owner, and I'll get back to you in a couple days.

Brian smiled and wrapped an arm around her. "Sounds great, thank you for all your help Jodi."

She smiled and nodded. "No problem."

Olivia walked out with Brian and climbed into the car. "I can't believe it."

He smiled and grabbed her hand. "This is really happening. We really just found ourselves the perfect house."

She looked over at him and kissed him softly. "I know. To think, we could be moved in here by the end of the month."

They drove back to his apartment and walked in the house, smiles on their faces. They saw Calvin sitting at the table. Olivia walked over to him and kissed his head and hugged him tight.

Calvin looked up at them. "Did we get it!?

Olivia smiled and nodded. "Doesn't quite move that fast, we have to wait on a few things, and for the owner to agree, but it's as perfect as it looks online. You want to see your room?" Calvin nodded and Olivia took her phone out and showed him the pictures. "It's big, we can decorate it however you want, and you'll have your own bathroom, at least until this little one is old enough to use a bathroom." She smiled, her hand on her stomach. "Ok, so what does everyone want for dinner?"

Brian wrapped his arms around her from behind and kissed behind her ear. "We'll order out. You should rest; you go back to work tomorrow."

"Finally," she murmured. "I'm so tired of sitting around the house. I think going back to work will be good for me. But we still need to know what everyone wants."

Brian slipped his hands into her jeans pockets and whispered in her ear, making sure Calvin didn't hear. "You."

She looked back at him and kissed him gently. "Not for dinner, baby," she whispered.

Calvin looked at them. "I could go for Italian."

"Italian sounds perfect."

They ordered dinner and sat at the table and started to plan the wedding. "What do you think about teal and purple?" She pulled up pictures on her phone and showed them to Brian.

He looked at the phone and smiled. "They actually go really pretty together."

"You'd be okay wearing one of the colors?"

He smiled and kissed her forehead. "I'd wear polka dots if that's what you wanted."

She kissed him gently and rested her forehead against his. "I love you."

He gently caressed her face. "I love you, too."

"Now, a wedding song."

"Why don't we do _Take My Breath Away_?"

She thought for a minute. "I found this Harry Connick Jr. song that I really like. It's called _Love My Life Away_." She put it on from her phone and rested against him as the song played.

He looked down at her and kissed her softly. "It's perfect," he whispered.

She smiled and kissed him again, running her hands over his chest. She broke the kiss and smiled. "I figure we can play _Take My Breath Away_ later on in the evening, but this song just perfectly describes how I feel about you."

He smiled and went in for another kiss and then there was a knock on the door.

Calvin got up and rolled his eyes. "I got it, love birds."

Brian stood up and smiled. "I don't think so. I got the money."

Olivia smiled and watched them. They passed out the food and ate dinner. They all went to bed fairly early. Olivia rested her head on Brian's chest and traced designs on his chest with her finger. "I'm so happy," she whispered.

He stroked her hair and smiled. "Me too."

She closed her eyes, and then looked up at him. "Good night, baby."

He smiled and kissed her softly, gently rubbing her back. "Good night, Pancakes."

She smiled and kissed him again, resting her hand on his cheek. "I love you," she whispered against his lips.

"I love you, too," he whispered into the kiss not wanting to break the kiss because everything was just so perfect.

She broke the kiss softly then snuggled into his chest and closed her eyes, his heartbeat lulling her into a deep sleep.

She woke up and looked at the clock. She noticed Brian was still asleep and she smiled and kissed him passionately, straddling him, feeling him start to kiss back, his hands moving to her hips. She pulled away and smiled. "Wake up, sleepy head."

He groaned. "Oooh, you're evil."

She smiled and kissed his neck, gently rocking her hips into his, biting his neck gently, feeling his hands grab her ass. "Naughty boy," she whispered looking into his eyes.

"I'm the naughty one? You, sexy, are the one teasing me."

She smiled and climbed off of him. "It's time to get up. We have to get ready for work."

He sat up and climbed on top of her. "Does that include me pinning you to the wall and fucking your brains out?" He growled into her ear.

She let out a moan and bucked her hips into his and felt him pin her hands to the bed, above her head. She looked into his eyes and smiled.

"I'll take that as a yes." He slipped her pants and panties off and took her shirt off. "So sexy." He pushed a finger inside of her and she gasped, arching her back. "So wet."

She smiled and tried to move her hands and pouted. "I want you inside me."

He pushed another finger inside her and started moving his hand, and she bit her bottom lip, trying to stay quiet. He pulled his fingers out and licked them clean.

She let her head fall back and moaned gently. "God, that's so sexy. Baby, please!" She begged. She needed him.

He smirked and took his boxers off and kissed her. He wasn't inside her just yet, he wanted to tease her.

She felt him on her thigh. She arched her back and bucked her hips into his. "Please, baby. I'm so wet," she whined. She felt him thrust into her, hard and she bit her bottom lip and let out a soft moan. She felt him start to move, he moved fast, hard, and deep. She seethed and strained her neck up and bit at his lips. "Oh, yeah baby. Just like that!"

He smirked and kissed her neck, biting gently. He felt her hips start to move with his. He lifted her leg up by his shoulder, allowing him to get deeper and he heard her moans get louder. He smirked and kept moving, feeling her tighten around him and he let her hands go. He felt her hands on his back, clawing at his shoulders. He smirked and kissed her, catching a loud moan in the kiss.

Her back arched, her toes curled, her entire body clenched and shook as her orgasm took over her body. She crashed back into the bed, feeling him on top of her. Her body was sweaty and her breath was heavy. "Oh, baby," was all she could manage.

He smiled and kissed her gently. "God, you're so amazing."

She smiled, feeling her body coming down from her high and she moved her head. "Mmm. I don't want to move anymore."

He chuckled and kissed behind her ear. "But you go back to work today, what you've been looking forward to for the past two months."

"Can't we just stay in bed all day, you inside me?"

"As tempting as that sounds, you know you'd kick yourself if you didn't."

She groaned. "I know."

"Come on, let's go shower and get ready."

"You want me to walk after you just fucked me five ways from Sunday?"

He chuckled and got off of her, slipping out of her. She let out a groan and he picked her up, carrying her into the bathroom and turning on the shower. He set her down; she braced herself against the wall. They washed each other's hair and body, and then stepped out of the shower. Olivia wrapped herself in a towel and did her hair and make-up while Brian got dressed. Once she finished she walked into the bedroom and put on a pink lacy bra and thong. He walked over to her and smiled. "You look so sexy in pink."

Olivia giggled and stepped into her black slacks. "Make sure you have something in your head to torture you for the next eight hours," she whispered and kissed him gently. She slipped into her red shirt and smiled. "I'll drive Calvin to school on my way to work," she whispered and kissed him. She grabbed her shoes and slipped into them and smiled. She grabbed her badge and her handcuffs, holding them in her hand. She put them on her belt, followed by her holster, and she took her gun out of the lock box. "I never thought I'd be wearing these again."

He walked over to her and kissed her gently. "You'll be great, baby. Just don't push yourself."

She smiled and ran her hands over his chest. "I should get going. I'll see you later. I love you," she whispered.

He smiled and pulled her closer. "I love you, too. Call me if you need me, okay?"

She nodded and kissed him once more. She broke the kiss and walked out of the bedroom, seeing Calvin. "Hey, kiddo, ready for school?"

He nodded. "Yeah, ready as I'll ever be."

She chuckled and wrapped an arm around him and walked out. She drove him to school then headed to the squad room. She took a deep breath and walked inside, dreading how her co-workers would treat her. She smiled as she walked in. It was awkward; no one knew how to handle her. She walked to her desk and smirked. "What, no cake?"

"We were gonna get you cupcakes," Rollins said, slapping her legs.

"Rollins, I was kidding… These are beautiful, thank you." She smiled.

Cragen nodded. "Welcome back, Detective Benson."

She smiled as she got a few more "welcome backs" from various other members of the squad. She walked into the Captain's office. "Hey, what can I do?"

"Well, it's pretty slow around here…"

"So, relax? Cap, I've been relaxing for two months, and I'm going crazy."

"Liv, there isn't much to do."

She sighed and nodded, walking back out to her desk. She organized a few things. She saw Rollins walk over and she smiled. "Hey."

Rollins smiled. "How you holding up?"

Olivia nodded and shrugged. "Okay, I guess. I'll be better once I have something to do," she said, waving her hand around.

Rollins grabbed her hand, looking at her engagement ring. "Liv, is this what I think it is?"

She completely forgot. She smiled a big, goofy smile and she nodded. "Yeah."

"Oh, so it's going well with Cassidy?"

She bit her bottom lip. "I'm living a fairy tale. I truly am. I don't know how I got so lucky. He gave me a dog, and tied the ring to the bow. I just… Oh and his eyes! Amanda, he has eyes you could sink into."

"Okay, Lady Di." She chuckled a bit.

"I can't believe you're old enough to remember that."

"I'm not that young, Liv."

They shared a chuckle and smiled. "We got a little planning done last night. We have a date set, colors picked out, and our wedding song."

Amanda smiled. "I'm happy for you."

She smiled and looked up at her. "Amanda, would you be one of my bridesmaids?"

Amanda's jaw dropped and she nodded. "Yeah, I'd be honored."

Olivia got up and hugged her. "Thank you."

Amanda hugged her back. Two years ago, this woman was just her hero, someone she'd kill to meet. Now here she was, two years later, this woman was her friend and she was going to be in her wedding. She never imagined this would happen. "It's really an honor for me."

Olivia smiled and looked at her. "I view you as a little sister. I don't have a lot of close female friends. I never thought this day would come. He's just… God, it's almost too good to be true."

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**A/N: I know some of you may be wondering why I didn't touch on the "Why wasn't Liv's apartment cleaned up when CSU was finished with it?" subject, so... here it is. I didn't touch on it because Julie Martin already answered that on Twitter. It wasn't cleaned up because CSU doesn't "clean up" when they're finished. It's not their job. If you remember, in True Believers, Sarah (the victim) asked the same thing ("They don't clean up when they're done?"), and her place was still a mess as well. Olivia, being a detective, KNOWS that CSU doesn't clean up after themselves, and I think the "shock" we saw on Olivia's face in Surrender Benson/Imprisoned Lives, was more one of her being triggered, and trying not to let it get to her too much.  
**

**ANYWAYS, I hope you liked it! Thanks for reading! Please review, here or on Twitter UnbrokenBarista :) Next chapter: Do they get the house? Who else will be in the bridal party? Liv tells Cragen she's pregnant, AND we find out WHERE the Bensidy wedding will take place! **


	19. Save the Date

**Wow! I can't believe there are almost 20 chapters to this story already! I can't believe how long I've been writing this! Usually I've lost interest by now, as have my readers! I truly can't thank you all enough for giving me the muse to make this my best and favorite story yet! A big thank you to Liv Cassidy, my incredible beta. And another big thank you to my group of ladies, you know who you are, because you definitely keep me writing! Love you all! xox**

**-Enjoy!**

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Olivia was sitting at the table with her glasses on, looking at her laptop. Brian walked up behind her and kissed her neck. "Whatcha doin'?

She smiled and closed her eyes. "Mm. Designing our save the date cards. Need to send them out soon."

"It's almost a year away."

"Exactly, we send them now so everyone can put in for a day off, and when we send the invitations, we get the real RSVPs, not the "if I can get off from work, I'll be there responses."

He smiled and wrapped his arms around her. "Put that away and come to bed, baby. It's late."

She looked up at him and she smiled. "You just want to seduce me."

He smirked and kissed her gently, running his hands over her arms. "Maybe I do, but I also want you to get some sleep."

She smiled and saved her work and closed her laptop and stood up. She wrapped her arms around him and looked into his eyes. "So, should we play first? Or should we be an old, boring couple and go to sleep?"

He smiled and kissed her, sliding his hands down her body, squeezing her ass, pulling her close. "I say we be old and boring," he whispered pulling away.

She raised an eyebrow and pulled him back to her by his shirt and smiled. "Tease," she whispered, kissing him passionately, giggling when he picked her up. She broke the kiss and rested her forehead against his.

He smiled and set her down on the bed and kissed her again. "If I could just kiss you all night…"

She pulled him on top of her and kissed him again. "Stop talking and just do it," she whispered against his lips.

He climbed on top of her, his body on hers. He broke the kiss and looked at her, taking her glasses off and putting them on the night stand. "You're so sexy, with and without your nerd glasses."

She chuckled and ran her hands over his back, his strong shoulders. "You're the best, you know that?"

He smiled and dipped his head down, capturing her lips with his once more, running one of his hands over her thigh and wrapping her leg around his waist.

She shifted underneath him, accidentally grinding against him, letting out a soft moan into the kiss. She broke the kiss when air was necessary. This was part of what she loved about being with Brian; the fact that they could kiss all night long one night and fuck each other until the cows came home the next night. "I love you," she whispered, her lips attaching to his, resting her hands on his chest.

He smiled. "I love you, too," he broke the kiss again and kissed her neck, gently licking the one spot he knew drove her mad. He heard her soft moans, felt her hand on the back of his head. He gently nipped at her earlobe and then rested their foreheads together. "You are everything I've ever wanted, the only one I've ever wanted."

She smiled, her eyes closed, her breath heavy from their make out session. "Get out of my brain, baby," she teased. She wrapped her arms around him and smiled. "We should get to sleep soon. We have a long day tomorrow. It's the weekend, but we still have a lot to do. Get those Save the Date cards out."

He smiled and rolled off of her, wrapping an arm around her, feeling her cuddle into him. "So, who do you think you want to invite?"

Olivia shrugged. "I don't have any family, other than Simon, but he's in jail… at least I think he is. I'm not sure; if he's out he hasn't contacted me. Then there's you and Calvin, but you're in the wedding."

He smiled and gently rubbed her shoulder. "Sometimes, the ones we hold closest aren't the ones we share a blood line with."

"Very true." She closed her eyes and thought. "I don't really know. The guys from the squad, maybe a few people from the DA's office. I've already started forming my bridal party in my head. Amanda is going to be one of my bridesmaids."

He looked down at her. "Do you want Elliot there?"

She scoffed and shook her head. "No. I mean, we were best friends for twelve years. I loved him, I really did. After all that he just ups and leaves? No word, no goodbye, hell, I never even got a text or an email. I got nothing. He broke me, Brian. You didn't see how I handled it, but… It was bad."

He kissed the top of her head. "Okay. Totally up to you. We were never really close."

She smiled and looked up at him. "What about you?"

He took a deep breath. "Well, my mom, a few of the guys from Narcotics, from the courthouse. I know I want Calvin to be one of my groomsmen along with Doom and Munch."

"I think I want Cragen to walk me down the aisle," she whispered. "He's the only father figure I've ever had that I didn't sleep with or that didn't try to get me into bed. He's the only real dad I've ever had."

"I think that will be perfect."

She smiled. "I always had this wedding in my head, when I was little. This big, grandiose wedding, me in a big white dress with a ten foot train, hundreds of people, in a big, beautiful cathedral; but now, all I want is the people who really matter. I realize that you can have the best wedding in the world, but what matters is the love in the marriage. I have so much love for you, and from you, that I don't care if we get married in a nudist colony."

He raised an eyebrow. "Well we could—"

"Don't even think it, Cassidy."

"Hey, you're the one who brought it up," he chuckled and kissed her. "You can wear a pink pantsuit for all I care, and you will still be the most beautiful bride I've ever seen."

She smiled and looked up at him. "I can promise you, that I'll be in a dress."

He gently stroked her hair. "Where do you want to have it?"

She shrugged. "Central Park?"

He looked down at her and smiled. "The most beautiful backdrop in the city for the most beautiful bride."

"You know, you don't have to compliment me to get in my pants," she whispered against his lips, giggling.

He chuckled. "Would I ever do that?"

"Oh, come on, like you've never pulled it on a broad or two in life?"

He shrugged. "You got me there, but you've pulled some tricks yourself. If memory serves me correctly, you like to get men drunk and fuck them ten ways from Sunday."

She rolled her eyes. "Never going to live that down, am I?"

He smirked and kissed her again. "Mm, nope. But it doesn't matter now anyway, I got the girl in the end."

She giggled and kissed him and looked into his eyes. "I think it's time for bed."

He smiled and tucked a piece of hair behind her ear. "I think you're right."

She kissed him again and snuggled into his chest. "Good night, Bri."

He smiled and rubbed her back. "Good night, Liv."

The next morning, Brian woke up before Olivia. He slipped out of bed, careful not to wake her up. He put his robe on and walked out into the kitchen and started making breakfast for everyone. He heard footsteps and looked over the counter, seeing Calvin rubbing his eyes. "Hey, kiddo. How'd you sleep?"

Calvin sat at the breakfast nook and shrugged. "Alright I guess."

"You hungry for some breakfast? I made eggs, bacon, hash-browns and toast."

He smiled and nodded. "Sounds good."

"Can you go wake your mom up for me?"

Calvin slid off his stool and walked to Brian and Olivia's bedroom and knocked on the door before going in. He opened the door softly when he didn't get a response and walked in quietly, gently shaking her shoulder. "Mom."

She felt his hand on her shoulder and she gasped, her eyes shooting open. "Calvin? You okay?"

He nodded. "Dad made breakfast, told me to come wake you up."

She smiled and sat up. "Go tell him I'll be out in a minute." She watched him walk out of the room and she took a deep breath. She put her glasses back on and put her short hair up in a half pony tail. She walked out into the kitchen and smiled. "Mmm. Smells good," she whispered, wrapping her arms around Brian.

He smiled and turned to kiss her gently. "Good morning, beautiful."

She smiled. "Good morning," she let out a contented sigh. "What'd you make for breakfast?"

"Your favorite, eggs, bacon, hash-browns, and toast."

"What no coffee?" She joked.

He chuckled and pulled her closer, whispering in her ear. "Wise ass."

She giggled and looked up at him, "But you love it."

"Course I do." He grabbed her ass. He heard her gasp and he chuckled.

She gently smacked his arm and rolled his eyes, a small smile on her face. She walked over to the coffee pot and started a pot of coffee. She smiled and took her plate from Brian and kissed him gently. She picked up a piece of toast, broke the yolk of her over easy eggs and took a bite. "Mmm. Perfect."

"I will never understand how you can eat runny eggs. That's just… blech," Calvin said, happy with his scrambled eggs.

"They aren't runny. They're dippy."

"Like you?" Brian joked.

"You want to be cuffed to the bed, don't you?" She asked, shooting him a look.

He smirked. "Don't threaten me with a good time, baby."

"Who said it was a threat?" She responded, her eyebrow raised.

"Um, kid in the room! Hi."

Olivia chuckled and kissed his head. "Sorry, sweetie. It's the pregnancy."

"What do you mean, it's the pregnancy?" Calvin asked.

"The pregnancy screws with a woman's hormones, kid," Brian smiled, patting Calvin's shoulder.

"Yes, yes it does. Pregnant women are also privy to mood swings." She glared at Brian.

"Oh, God, don't tell me you're going to go from wanting to rip each other's clothes off to fighting."

Olivia smiled and kissed Calvin's head. "No, I was kidding." She looked at Brian and kissed him softly, to put all three of them at ease. They all finished their breakfast and started getting ready for the day. Once Olivia was dressed she pulled up the Save the Date cards and looked them over again. "Perfect." She whispered. They were simple, but unique.

_**Nineteen Ninety-Nine  
They met.**_

_**Two Thousand and Twelve  
They fell in love.**_

_**Two Thousand and Fourteen  
They'll say 'I do'.**_

_**May 20, 2014. Central Park, New York NY  
Olivia & Brian**_

She sent them to their printer, which she had already loaded with pre-cut card stock. Once they were printed she shut her computer down and picked up the cards and envelopes and put them in her bag. She saw Calvin come out of his room and she smiled. "Hey, kiddo, what's up?"

"Could I go to my friend Kyle's house? We have a project to do for school."

She smiled and kissed the top of his head. "Absolutely, do you need someone to drop you off?"

He shook his head. "No, he only lives a block and a half down the street."

Olivia smiled and rubbed his back. "Okay, text when you get there, and if you leave to go anywhere else, and call if you need anything."

"I will. Love you, Mom."

"Love you, too, sweetie." Once he left she took a deep breath and saw Brian walk out of the bedroom. "Hey sexy."

"Where'd Calvin go?"

She smiled and wrapped her arms around him, looking into his eyes. "His friend's house; they're doing a project for school."

"So, we've got the apartment to ourselves?" Brian asked, snaking his arms around her waist.

She giggled and nodded. "Mm, appears so," she whispered. She kissed him softly, feeling him pull her hips closer. She broke the kiss, her lips still close to his as she spoke. "Shall I punish you from breakfast now, or make you wait?"

He moved his head to the side and whispered in her ear. "Ooh, punish me now, baby. I've been bad."

She giggled and moved so her face was buried in his neck. She bit down on his skin, starting to grind her hips into his. She heard him starting to groan and she giggled. She walked him backwards against the wall and pinned him there. "Oh the things I could do. The question is, which one?"

Brian swallowed hard and looked down at her. "Wha—what could you do?"

She smiled and chuckled. "I could cuff you to a chair, do a nice lap dance for you. Really grind my hips into yours. I could do a strip tease, while you're cuffed to the bed, play with myself while you watch." She bit his ear lobe, running her hands over his chest.

He groaned and his hips bucked into hers, which were still grinding into his at a slow, steady pace. Her ministrations made him hard, made it hard to think. "God, baby, I want you."

She chuckled and turned around, her back to his front. That's when she really started grinding into him. She pushed her hips back, feeling his hard dick on her ass. She was dancing to a beat that only she could hear. She felt his hands on her hips and she smiled, resting her hands on his, holding them firmly in place so he couldn't explore her body. She felt him start to dance with her and she leaned back against him, closing her eyes and letting out a moan.

He needed her so badly, and she was just teasing him. He flipped them, so her front was against the wall, her hands preventing her face from being flush up against it. He gently bit on her neck and kissed his way up to her ear. "I need you." His voice was low, gravelly, almost a growl. He heard her moan. He rested his hands over top of hers on the wall and moved his hips into hers, giving her a taste of her own medicine. "How bad do you need me?" He spoke in a hushed whisper, his hand finding its way down her torso, unbuttoning her pants, and slipping into her panties, feeling how wet she really was.

She felt his fingers inside of her, starting to move and she gasped for air. This wasn't their usual, but it sure was turning out to be erotic. Her hips kept moving and her mind had turned to mush. She had one thing on her mind in that moment, and it was getting the two of them into a place of absolute, complete ecstasy.

He pulled his fingers from inside her and pushed her pants and panties down, taking her shirt and bra off after. He took his own clothes off then pulled her flush against his body. One hand gently tilting her head, giving him better access to her neck; he bit gently, his teeth grazing the skin. He heard her moans and he felt his dick twitch against her. He clasped their fingers together and put her hands back on the wall, slipping into her from behind.

She gasped and her head fell back, the back of her head resting on his shoulder. This position allowed him to hit spots she didn't even knew she had. Her moans were loud, and in that moment she was glad Calvin wasn't in the apartment. She could be as loud as she wanted, and in that moment, having him hitting all the right spots, she knew she was going to be louder than usual.

Brian loved hearing her moans. He let out moans of contentment every so often. He'd hear her gasp, let out a loud groan. But she wasn't saying any words, he noticed. He had her in such a state she couldn't remember her own name. That turned him on more than he could possibly describe. This particular sex session lasted a good hour, before they were both leaning on the wall to support them, breathless, and sated.

She closed her eyes and smiled. "Mm." She had no words to say. It was more than incredible, she couldn't describe it. Her head was still spinning from the orgasm that just wracked her body. She felt his lips on her shoulder and her back.

He turned her around and smiled. "Hi," he whispered, gently kissing her lips.

She kissed him back and tilted her head, her eyes struggling to stay open. "Hi." She bit her bottom lip and looked into his eyes.

He picked her up and carried her into the bedroom, holding her close as they spooned. "It's nice to have days like this," he whispered.

She nodded and let out a small grunt. "I'm glad we're just both on call. I don't want to do anything else today but lie here with you." She smiled when she felt his lips on the back of her neck. "I think what we just did definitely fulfills the punishment requirement," her voice was sleepy, her eyes struggling to stay open.

He chuckled and kissed the back of her head. "Sleep, baby; don't fight it."

She let out a small moan of agreement. She gave into sleep, and it overcame her body quickly. Within seconds of him telling her to sleep, she was in fact, asleep. Her breathing had slowed, her body had relaxed. She was peaceful. It wasn't long after that he, too, was fast asleep, holding his fiancé close. Their hands were clasped together over her stomach as they slept. When she woke up and looked at the clock she realized that it was after three in the afternoon. She looked over her shoulder to see Brian still asleep. She wiggled out of his grasp and slipped into one of his t-shirts that she often wore as a night shirt. She checked her phone, seeing that Calvin had texted her, letting her know that he got to Kyle's house and she smiled.

A few moments later she felt arms around her from behind and she smiled. "Hey," she whispered.

"Hey," he whispered back, placing a chaste kiss on her neck. "We didn't get anything done today."

She smiled and turned in his arms, gently rubbing his chest. "We got the save the date cards done. They haven't been sent out, but they're finished. Plus we had some quality Mommy and Daddy time. Some loud Mommy and Daddy time," she giggled and kissed him gently.

He smiled. "But it was beyond words."

"I know. I still feel it when I walk," she whispered and looked into his eyes. "I don't know where it came from, but my God it felt and feels… I can't even describe it."

"We're going to have to remember that one."

"Only when we're alone, Mommy tends to get a little loud during it."

"You're always loud," he joked.

"But you love it, because you know you're the only one that can make me come completely undone like that. You're the only one who can make me lose complete control and that turns you on even more."

"Damn right it does. It turns me on that I'm the only one who has ever gotten to see you… the real vulnerable Olivia. Your energy, baby, when you let me see all of you, is so intoxicating. It's my drug. I'll tell you, I'm addicted and I never want to kick this habit."

She smiled and caressed his face. "You have no idea how sexy you are. Not just in looks, and attitude, but you took the time to get to know me, to get to know my spots. You ask me what feels good. You listen, not just to my words, but to my body. That's why you're the only one that can make me scream, the only one who makes me completely lose control." She shrugged. "I was no virgin before, and I've had a decent amount of partners, but none as in tune with my body as you are. My God, Bri, you were hitting spots today I didn't know I had. I don't think I've ever had that many orgasms in my life during one sex session."

He smiled and kissed her gently. "Careful, you might get me riled up again," he winked.

She stood on her tip toes, leaning into his ear. "Is that a challenge?" She pulled away and looked him in the eye, biting her bottom lip.

"You want it to be one?"

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**A/N: Thanks for reading! I hope you enjoyed this chapter! Please review, here or on Twitter UnbrokenBarista! Because next chapter is chapter 20 its going to be a special one, where a not so special person makes a guest appearance... How will that go? And who will it be? Stay tuned to find out!**


	20. Semper Fi

**TWENTY CHAPTERS! We did it, readers! We got to twenty chapters! I couldn't have done this without my loyal readers like you! I couldn't have gotten here without my incredible beta, Liv Cassidy, and I couldn't have done it without my girls! Thank you all so much! And I promise this won't be the end!**

**Here we go...**

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Elliot Stabler sat in his usual bar after a late night at work. He still went to cop bars, even though he wasn't a cop anymore. He sat at the bar and saw Joe Dumas, "Doom," from narcotics. Doom sat down next to him and smiled. "So, Liv and Brian, huh?"

"Doom, have you been dipping into evidence? What the hell are you talking about?"

"Your former and my brother."

"Okay, what about them?"

"They've been together for over a year. They're getting married."

Elliot grabbed him by the shirt and growled. "Don't fucking talk about her. She wouldn't be with a low life like Cassidy."

Doom hit him and got in his face. "Cassidy is my brother. Watch your fucking tongue, man. You don't believe me ask Olivia yourself. I'm shocked you didn't get a save the date in the mail. They sent them out weeks ago."

Elliot pushed him away and grabbed his coat. He stormed out of the bar and caught a cab to the sixteenth precinct. He stormed in and saw a blonde woman sitting at a desk that he thought was Olivia's. "Where's Benson?" He growled.

"She's in interrogation right now. I'm Detective Rollins, something I can help you with?"

He punched the lockers and looked at her. "Get her out here, now."

"Look, I don't know who you think you are, but I'm not going to go in there and pull her out because you tell me to."

He walked over to her, nose to nose, and laughed. "You have no idea who I am, do you?"

"No, but it doesn't matter. Unless you tell me you're Bloomberg I'm not moving."

"She doesn't talk about me anymore. Of course she doesn't. I'm—"

He was cut off when Olivia came walking out. "Finally cracked—Elliot?"

He turned and looked at her. Her hair was shorter but not much else had changed. "Liv, you look great." He moved towards her to give her a hug.

She moved away and took a deep breath. "Stop."

"Liv, it's me. What's going on?"

"What's going on?" She scoffed. "You're a fucking idiot, if you don't know."

He put a hand on her shoulder only to have her shrug it off. "Well, I guess there's no small talk today. We'll get right to the nitty gritty."

"El, save it. You're too late. It's been three and a half months; I don't want your pity."

"Pity? Okay now I'm really confused."

"Now you're going to tell me you had no idea I was held hostage for four days, raped and tortured? Bullshit. It was all over the news. They still want me to do a press tour."

"My God, Liv are you alright?"

"Yeah, no thanks to you."

"Look I know I screwed up here."

"Save it, Elliot. Leave."

"No. Not until you tell me to my face that you're marrying a low life like Cassidy."

Olivia closed her locker and smiled. "You have some nerve calling him a low life. He's the one who's been here for me for the past year and a half. He's the one that's gotten me through the aftermath of my assault. You're the one who left, three years ago. I never heard a word from you. All I got was that stupid medal."

"The stupid medal that's still on the butt of your gun?"

She shook her head. "Brian and I are in love. We've adopted Calvin and I'm pregnant with his child. We're getting married next May. And no, you're not invited. I don't even know how you found out."

"Doom opened his big mouth and told me."

She shook her head. "Whatever, Elliot. Do what you do best and leave." She took her gun out of her holster and took the 'Semper Fi' medal off the butt of it and put it in his hand. "I thought I needed this with me. I thought I still needed a part of you to keep me going, to get me through, but it turns out I was wrong. I don't need you anymore. Get out of here and have a nice life."

Brian walked in, long enough to hear the last bit of her speech to Elliot. "Liv, Pancakes, what's going on?"

"Pancakes? He's too dumb to make up a decent pet name for you."

Olivia clenched her fists. "At least he's decent enough to tell me how he feels about me and be honest, and to not take it back."

"No, no, but you did after the one night stand you had with him fourteen years ago."

"At least I didn't cheat on my spouse with my partner." Her anger growing substantially.

"No, but you screwed a married guy once or twice, oh no, it was six times."

"If you have something to say, Stabler, say it. Be a man for once in your life."

"You're nothing but a whore, one of his whores, actually, because we all know how Cassidy likes to screw prostitutes."

"You son of a bitch!" She swung her fist and clocked him in the jaw. The next thing she knew he was on the floor and Brian and Amanda were holding her back. She was struggling against them. "Let me go."

Brian held her closer. "Baby, calm down, breathe," he whispered in her ear.

She took a deep breath and broke free from their grasp and ran upstairs to the cribs. She sat on a bed and put her head in her hands and sobbed.

Brian looked at Amanda. "I'll go get her. If he wakes up, keep him from going upstairs. Tell him Liv isn't here anymore."

Amanda nodded. "You got it."

Brian went up to the cribs and knocked gently on the door. "Liv, baby, it's me." He heard her sobbing and he opened the door and rushed to her, holding her in his arms. "I'm right here. It's okay." He rubbed her back.

"I'm humiliated. I didn't want anyone to know about what happened between Elliot and I. God, I was so stupid! He's right. I'm nothing but a whore." She continued to cry, turning her face away from him.

"Olivia Benson, you are not a whore." He turned his face so she was looking in his eyes. "Don't ever think that, baby, you're a classy woman."

"So I'm a call girl."

"Liv, stop that. Listen to me. You had sex with him; you have a sex life… Liv that makes you a woman, an adult, that doesn't make you a whore."

She took a deep breath. "He came in trying to act like he cared. Then he had the balls to call you a low life. He made me so mad, I just lost it."

He wiped her eyes and smiled gently. "You've got a hell of a right hook, baby."

She smiled and laughed a little. She rested her head on his shoulder and sniffled. "I don't know why I ever loved that man."

He kissed the top of her head. "You loved the idea of Elliot Stabler. You loved that he was a family man, dedicated to his work."

She looked up at him. "And I fell in love with a man who was that and more." She wrapped her arms around him and kissed him gently. "And the man I fell in love with is also the best lover I've ever had."

"You best be talking about me or I'm going to have to beat someone up," he whispered against her lips.

She giggled and kissed him again. "Of course I'm talking about you." She rested her forehead against his. "Come on, let's go home."

He smiled and stood up and took her hand and walked back downstairs, seeing Elliot sitting on the edge of a desk, an ice pack to his face. He squeezed Olivia's hand and she looked at him and smiled. "You okay?" He whispered softly.

She nodded. "Yeah." They started to walk out of the precinct and she turned around and smiled. "Oh and, Elliot, just thought you should know… Brian's dick is bigger than yours." She turned back around and looked up at Brian. "Come on, baby. Let's go home." She kissed him passionately, feeling his hand on her low back.

She faintly heard Elliot. "Get a fucking room!"

She flipped him off before breaking the kiss, taking Brian's hand and walking out hand in hand with Brian, leaving Elliot behind at the precinct to ice his face.

Amanda looked at him and crossed her arms. "You have no idea what you did to her, do you?"

Elliot glared at her. "What are you talking about?"

"You broke her, Stabler. She wasn't herself for a long time. Not until David Haden came along and made her realize that there were other guys out there. Guys that wouldn't hurt her."

"Yeah? Then why isn't she still with him? Why is she with Cassidy?"

"Because he got a promotion, and they never disclosed. He told her he wasn't going anywhere, but when she heard about his promotion she told him to take it. She realized that she couldn't be the reason he was miserable. That's not what relationships are about."

"So she ran into Cassidy's arms?"

"Well, they've officially been together for a little over a year now, but I think deep down, they've loved each other for a long time." She smiled and tilted her head. "You know, you'd think if you cared one iota about her at all… if she was more to you than a piece of ass, that you'd be happy for her. You'd be happy that she finally found a man who knows how to treat her, and that truly isn't going anywhere."

"He'll leave eventually. They all do, either they leave or Olivia pushes them away."

"You're so cocky you can't see it, can you? They've been together for a while now. They've stuck it out through thick and thin. Olivia told me that there were a few times she thought he was going to leave, but he didn't. He told her he never would. You need to open your eyes and see that their relationship isn't going away. You had your chance with her. You could have picked up the phone and called her, and you could have been in his shoes. You blew it, Stabler. It's over. You need to come to terms with that and move on. She has."

He let out a breath and shook his head. "I remember fourteen years ago, the morning after their one night stand, she was freaking out because he wanted to see her again. Now they're getting married? It doesn't make sense."

"People change, Elliot. They changed into the perfect person for each other. And you know… Liv has told me a lot about you. Told me how none of the dates she had never lived up to you. You leaving was the best thing that could have happened to her. She finally got to be free. As much as she wanted you to leave your wife and run into her arms and stay there, she finally realized that it wasn't ever going to happen the day Cragen told her that you put your papers in, and when she didn't hear a damned word from you."

"Hey, it wasn't that simple."

"Yeah, Elliot. It was. See, it's been three years. You never called or texted, hell, you didn't even have the courtesy to email her even though she almost killed herself trying to get in contact with you. Now you're mad because she's moved on and happy? I think SVU got to you a little too much, you became the monster you were trying to fight."

"I never raped anyone. And I've never hit a woman."

"No, but you're still an abusive son of a bitch. I think your jaw is fine now, get out of here before I dislocate your damn jaw."

Elliot went to say something but he saw her fist clench and he took the icepack off his cheek and walked out, going home to his wife and kids.

* * *

Olivia and Brian made dinner together for their family. Olivia was starting to show, and she had a doctor's appointment with her OB/GYN the next morning. It was getting close to the time when she would have to tell Cragen that she was pregnant. She couldn't hide it anymore, and she couldn't risk her baby's life anymore. They all sat down to eat and made small talk over dinner. Olivia asked Calvin about his day at school.

"I have to write a paper on someone I look up to," Calvin said gently.

"Any idea on who you want to write about?" Brian asked with a smile, taking another bite of his food.

"I'm not sure. There are so many people who I look up to; so many people that have made a difference in my life. I don't know how I'm going to pick just one."

"You'll figure it out, sweetie. Don't worry." Olivia smiled and kissed his head. She heard her phone ring and she furrowed her brow. She picked it up. "Benson." She took a deep breath and smiled. "Yes, yes, it's me." She nodded and let out a breath she didn't know she was holding. "Thank you so much. Yes, we'll see you tomorrow. Bye." She hung up and smiled. "That was the realtor. Finally, after all that paperwork, and all that time… We got the house!" She squealed and saw Brian get up and throw his arms around both of them. She kissed Calvin's head and turned and kissed Brian's lips.

Brian smiled and broke the kiss. "We can officially let our landlords know we're breaking our leases," he whispered.

She giggled and nodded. "I know!" She looked at Calvin then at Brian. "We have to head out there tomorrow anyway; we can bring Calvin with us so he can see his room, get some ideas about how he wants his room decorated."

"Make it a family day, sounds perfect." Brian smiled and kissed Calvin's head.

They all sat on the couch after dinner and watched a couple TV shows. Olivia smiled. "Well, I'm pretty tired. I think I'm going to head to bed." She smiled and kissed Calvin on the cheek. "Night, sweetheart."

"Night, Mom. Love you."

She smiled and hugged him. "Love you too, kiddo."

She stood up and walked into the bedroom, changing out of her work clothes and into one of Brian's shirts. She climbed under the covers, laying there, trying to get the day's events out of her head. The first time her boyfriend heard that she and her former partner had sex was while he was using it against her in a fight.

There was a time when Elliot had been her best friend in the entire world, and would have given anything if he would just be with her. Then he broke her. He used her for sex, and then he left, never saying a word, but leaving her that damned medal. She felt the tears start to stream down her face and she buried her head in her pillow. She hated how badly he hurt her, and that she was still in love with him for so long after he left. She wasn't sure anything else was nearly as painful as Elliot treating her the way he did. She always thought that he wasn't one of those Good Ole' Boy detectives that would go to a bar and talk about the woman they had sex with, but she was wrong. They agreed never to speak of it, and he not only brought up their affair, but he brought it up in front of her squad and her boyfriend. She wasn't sure she'd be able to look anyone in that squad room in the eye ever again.

She saw Brian come in not too long after she had and she smiled sadly. "Hey."

He walked over to her hand kissed her forehead. "Hey. You okay?"

She nodded and looked up at him. "I'm okay. Just a little hurt. Elliot today just…"

He slid into bed behind her and wrapped his arms around her. "Screw him."

"Already did," she joked dryly. "That's the problem." She closed her eyes, feeling his chest pressed against her back. "How could I have been so blind? How could I believe he really wanted to be with me? He just saw me as a sex toy."

"He's an asshole Liv. He did it on purpose. He manipulated you. He never should have done that, and he never should have brought it up today."

She turned in his arms and looked into his eyes. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you about Elliot and I. I don't like talking about it. Reminds me of what my mom used to tell me all the time. That no one would ever love me. All I was good for was sex."

He gently caressed her face. "It's okay. Who you slept with is your business. I don't need to know everyone you've ever had sex with. Just like I'm sure you don't want to know about all the women I've slept with."

A small smile graced her face and she rested her hand on his cheek. "Have I mentioned how much I love you, recently?"

He smiled. "Yeah, you have, but I love hearing those words on your lips."

She grinned and kissed him passionately. She giggled, feeling him roll on top of her. "Naughty," she whispered.

"Punish me," he challenged.

"You really want me to, don't you?"

He smirked. "Liv, you would be the sexiest dominatrix in the entire world."

"We might be able to work something out." She smiled and ran her hands over his back. "But I think we're going to have to wait until tomorrow," she whispered.

"And why's that?" He asked in a whisper.

"Because I'm so tired I'd cuff you to the bed and fall asleep." She giggled.

He laughed and kissed her gently, rolling off of her and holding her close. "We can postpone."

She smiled and looked into his eyes. "Good night, my love."

"Good night, Pancakes," he whispered, placing a gentle kiss on her lips and rubbed her back, both of them drifting off into a peaceful sleep.

* * *

**A/N: Thanks for reading! I'm already prepared for the flames from the EO shippers. Here's your closure. Amanda said it all. Accept it and move on, because Olivia has! Anyway, please review! Here or on Twitter UnbrokenBarista! Twenty One will be coming up soon! It's going to be exciting! **


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